The Down Side to Taking the High Road

Yesterday something happened at work that ruined my day in a huge way.  Not only did it almost screw up a client project, but it also included a certain person hurling accusations about my professional integrity.

I won’t go into details, but it was a HUGE slap in the face. It was a 1-2 punch that came out of the blue, and from someone that I liked and respected.  I was shocked and hurt and really, REALLY angry. I was so angry that I actually shook with rage – it was like my teeth chattered with fury. 

All of this had transpired by email and I was in the middle of a point-by-point refutation of the irate claims, when I decided to take the high road.  I picked up the phone and proceeded to bend over backward to make things right. 

By the end of an hour, the person had backed off considerably.  We ended it on a semi-cordial note, but only because I was gritting my teeth the entire time and repeating “take the high road, take the high road, take the high road”. 

Through some very difficult lessons in my early professional life, I have come to realize that – in almost all cases – pointing out other peoples’ shitty behavior doesn’t solve anything, no matter how gratifying it may be.  When someone acts grossly inappropriately, they are unlikely to hear your criticism and see the light – let alone thank you for pointing out their flaws.  This should come as no surprise, but somehow, it was a hard lesson to learn.

Yesterday, I learned another hard lesson.  Taking the high road has its drawbacks too.  

For one, I laid awake until 5 a.m. seething about the issue.  I feel like I should get the opportunity to refute the accusations, point out the huge flaws in logic, and prove that the specific examples used against me are in fact completely wrong.  And I’d like to do that while using a few carefully chosen expletives.  (Remember the rage?  Still here.)  Perhaps more, I want this person to apologize.  Even though they obviously feel some indignation (how righteous it is depends on whose side you are on), there is no doubt in my mind that they way it was handled was shitty.  Pure and simple, and I want an apology for that.

Of course, that’s not going to happen.  Not without opening up the can of worms and poking them with a sharp stick.  So instead I will continue to take the high road, hoping that over the long term I will look back and be proud of myself for being mature.

In the meantime, the dogs are SHOCKED at the language I am using while stormily stomping around the house.

Comments

[Elizabeth]

I'm sorry, that SUCKS!

When I get that ticked off at work, I sit down and write the point-by-point refusal just to see it in black and white. Sometimes I share it with a sympathetic colleague. Then I tear it into itty, bitty pieces and try to let it go.