July 16, 2006
Shuffle This
I take back most of my bitter invective against Mr. Bad Apologies, and tip my hat to his latest WEbring topic:
I was promoted yesterday by a friend at work to turn my iPod to Shuffle and list the first 10 songs, with commentary as appropriate. He, in turn, got it from a friend at www.robertspuhler.com.
I'm guessing Mr. B.A. meant he was *prompted* by a friend--regardless, you can read his shuffle results here. And here are my own:
Jailhouse – Sublime: I'm not sure I've EVER listened to this song before, but I have to say that it's rather catchy. Although it does rather sound like all of Sublime's other songs.
Dreamland – Madeleine Peyroux: I love M. Peyroux, enough that I actually went to her concert (with Martha Wainwright) by myself after my date cancelled at the last minute. Notice how Madeleine sounds JUST like Billie Holiday in a way that can ONLY be topped by David Sedaris.
With My Own Two Hands – Ben Harper: Again, not sure I ever purposefully listened to this song before, although I do enjoy it now. I keep meaning to see Ben Harper live (I was sorry to miss his tour with Jack Johnson), to see if the experience lives up to the recorded versions.
Go It Alone – Beck: Damn, I love Beck. I love everything about him, down to his bizarrely fringed jacket. I am especially fond of his Spanglish songs, although the na-na-na-na-na-na of Go It Alone makes me want to direct a crazy Gap commercial. Very snappy indeed.
Angel – Fiona Apple: This is a remake of the Jimi Hendrix song, and I’m not a huge fan of the way she does it. Let's move on.
Hit the Switch – Bright Eyes: Ahh, Bright Eyes. I was all excited to see them live, but heard rather strident reviews that said their live performances were, well, painful. So I will just continue to enjoy them via iPod.
Cosi sugl' occhi miei from La Fida Ninfa – Yo Yo Ma: I was wondering when the classical stuff would show up. This is quite a delightful Baroque ditty that reminds me I should listen to more of my classical selection during Big Idea hours.
Track 15 – Yo Yo Ma: This is actually one of the Bach Cello Suites (possibly my most favorite piece of music ever written), but the CD didn't correctly recognize the titles and I was just too lazy to go back and input it manually. Sheer bliss.
Backyard – Guster: I feel sad because I love Guster but have heard that their live performances are even more painful than Bright Eyes. So is it worth going to their performance (with the main act being Ray LaMontagne) in a couple weeks? Perhaps if I can get someone else to buy the tickets…
These Arms of Mine – Otis Redding: What a GREAT song to end on. It makes me want to drink a glass of white wine in the dark by myself with the knowledge that a young gentleman caller is on his way over. Or possibly to take a long drive in the country.
November 21, 2005
Ideal Thanksgiving -- WEbring #16
From Ms. NYC Rouge: Thanksgiving is coming up. What will you be doing? Traveling? What would be your ideal Thanksgiving?
First of all, at least Ms. NYC Rouge admits that this topic is as lame as they come. Second of all, I'm sad to say that I have no exciting Thanksgiving plans to spice up this entry. I'll be sitting at home with the family (we haven't even invited anyone else to join us), eating turkey, and trying not to irritate Janie to the point of a nuclear meltdown.
On the other hand, I'm re-entering the world of party-throwing with trepidation. I've invited all my local friends to my place on Saturday for a quiet evening in front of the fire. It's VERY last minute, and so far the only three people to respond have said no--so perhaps I should quietly exit the party-throwing arena in favor of the "bitch about why we never do anything fun" approach.
Posted by madchen at 05:16 PM | Comments (0)November 09, 2005
All I Want For Christmas -- Webring #15
From Mr. Fliven: Everyone share what is on your Christmas list for this year and why, perhaps comparing it with previous holidays, or reminiscing on your favorite gift.
My Christmas list gets shorter every year. I think it's a combination of several factors:
1. Like Ms. Wish To See, my desired items get more expensive every year.
2. Like Ms. NYC Rouge, I'm past the "getting gifts just for gifts' sake".
3. Like Ms. Rather Be Travelling, I'm not settled enough to get the normal household items I'd normally request.
In general, our family has slowly been moving away from the "lots of things" holiday to a more "let's go somewhere fun" holiday, as evidenced by last Christmas's Caribbean cruise. I was sort of hoping we could do something similar, but the usual problems have cropped up. My dad won't commit to taking the time off (because work is more important than family, I guess); my sister isn't sure she wants to go somewhere and leave her significant other behind (or even if she wants to spend her very limited school break running to other countries); and my mom is dithering about location, ideas, and price ranges--apparently unaware that ANYPLACE we choose will be fun, but that the longer we wait, the less likely it is that we will go anywhere.
But all that said, here is my list for Christmas. (Realizing that I am going to get NONE of them, I feel quite free to put extravagent and decadent items in the queue.)
-- World peace (because it should be on everyone's list, and it makes the following items less self-indulgent)
-- A trip to Budapest (which I may give myself in January)
-- An all-day trip to the day spa
-- My own house
-- A puppy
-- A boyfriend, to take care of the puppy
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For other commentary on this topic, see:
I'd Rather Be Traveling
Post No Bills
A Prize in Every Box
Bad Apologies
Wish to See
November 01, 2005
Halloween Past -- WEbring #14
Describe how you spent this Halloween. Compare/contrast with previous Halloweens.
Alright, I admit it--this topic sucks. But in my defense, I was very, VERY sick last night. So basically, I spent my Halloween in 6 layers of fleece, alternating between chattering teeth and clammy sweats, feeling pretty sorry for myself.
What a far cry from the Halloween when I was 19, and a sophomore at the U of O. Having dressed as a "sexy witch" (the result of going to the costume store after all the good costumes were taken), I went with my friend Lance (and others, who I can't even remember now) to a house party.
All fine and good.
Then suddenly someone was bleeding all over the place, having been cut with the shards of a broken beer bottle. We went outside to investigate. And then, even more suddenly, we were in the middle of a riot. People were breaking car windows, and even managed to flip a car over onto its hood. A few minutes later, we were being tear gassed by the police.
We fled back to my place and watched a movie, as I recall. Quite the dramatic evening.
Posted by madchen at 09:46 PM | Comments (1)October 24, 2005
Mr. Bad Apologies -- WEbring #12
This week's topic was supposed to be posted by Mr. Bad Apologies, but no one has heard from him in several days. Speculate on what is keeping him so busy that he can't fulfill basic tasks. Incorporate things that he has written about, and link to his past blog entries whenever possible.
Initially I thought that Mr. Bad Apologies was reinstating his previously cancelled world tour and was at stopover #4.. Or perhaps he was busy catching up on foreign, independent, gay, fim noir. Or maybe he was being illegally detained by Grace Hill Media after his review of the PR at the Serenity Bloggers Bonanza.
But no, in fact he was just laying low, waiting for an opportune time to spring the OH SO FUN gay-bar experience on me. While in Philadelphia this weekend for the Amnesty International USA Mid-Atlantic Regional Conference (so many activists!), I met Mr. Bad Apologies at Woody's--the "best gay neighborhood bar" in the city. The dancing was so fun, and there was no line in the bathroom! I had flashbacks to my Roppongi days, when dancing on the bar counters was not unheard of. Only this time, there were even MORE attractive men who weren't interested in me.
Holy crap it was dee-lite-ful. I'm only sorry that I won't be there to experience Karaoke Night and Country Western Line Dancing.
Posted by madchen at 03:12 PM | Comments (0)October 12, 2005
Five Things -- WEbring #11
This week's assignment comes from Ms. Wish to See. She commands:
In whatever writing style you feel moved to use (poetry,prose, list...) I want you to detail 5 thing you are (traits, titles or descriptions), 5 things you aren't, and 5 things you want to be.
Since it's late and I'm tired, I'll eschew the route taken by Mr. Fliven and just go with a handy list.
(note that all potential answers sound trite in my head)
5 Things I Am
-- living at home
-- employed at a full-time rate
-- the proud parent of two cats
-- the favorite aunt of a sickly 4-year old
-- tired of paying $$ to keep my car in working condition
5 Things I Am NOT
-- involved in a romantic relationship
-- in debt
-- responsible about cleaning up after myself
-- overjoyed with my new haircut
-- finished with my thesis (oh the headaches)
5 Things I Want To Be
-- financially successful
-- thin
-- a homeowner (again)
-- energy independent
-- on a regular sleep schedule
And there you have it.
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For other commentary on this topic, see:
I'd Rather Be Traveling
Post No Bills
A Prize in Every Box
Bad Apologies
Wish to See
A Little Maryment
October 06, 2005
Random Literature--WEbring #10
This weeks assignment from Ms. NYC Rouge:
Open up the nearest book or publication. Go to the middle of the book and select the sentence that comes at the top of the page. From this sentence, draft a very short bit of fiction, the zanier the better. I'm thinking no more than 100 words, but closer to 50.
Her arms felt heavy as she lifted them, and her legs ached. Resting, it seemed had made her unbearably tired.* She stretched her neck, straining to see her rear end. How many hours had she been sitting today, moving only from the bed to the couch to the desk--and then back to the couch? She ran her hands over her ample hips, noting how they conformed to her desk chair, creating a seamless line. Could being an independent consultant lead to bed sores? She would have to ask her public health friend. In fact, she would send an email as soon as this latest re-run of Law and Order was finished.
* Brick Lane, by Monica Ali, p. 272.
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For other commentary on this topic, see:
I'd Rather Be Traveling
Post No Bills
A Prize in Every Box
Bad Apologies
Wish to See
A Little Maryment
September 29, 2005
Time Machine--WEbring #9
The topic this week is from Mr. Prize In Every Box: If you had a time machine you could use only once, what would you do with it? Would you go to the past or the future? Whom would you want to meet or what would you want to see?
I've always been very leery of the whole time travel thing. When people approach me saying, "Hey Ms. Write Again Soon, would you like to try out our fantastic time travel machine?", I always gracefully decline. Who knows what disaster I might wreak on the universe if I could go back and forth (even just once). If I went back, I might change something that would alter my life's course--and I might not find myself here. And frankly, here is pretty good, even if that means sitting in my parents' house in front of the computer.
And if I went forward, I think we can agree (based on all the sci-fi literature in the public domain) there are really only two possibilities: 1) the world would be a disaster, thus sapping me of the will to make it better once I returned to the present time, or 2) the world would be exactly the same, thus sapping me of the will to make it better once I returned to the present time. Basically, I like the mystery--I find it motivating.
On a side note, I would like to point out that in some cosmic g-love thing happening here, there has been a lot of talk about time travel recently. I refer you to the recent Dilbert "corporate time travel" machine series September 19-21. And then the Defective Yeti's review of The Time Traveler's Wife, and an ensuing critique of the problems with time travel in literature and film. And then there's the...well, I guess that's about it. But it seemed like a lot.
All that said, if I could use a time machine only once, I would probably go back to yesterday morning and tell myself not to read Ms. NYC Rouge's web entry of the day. That was a mental image I did not need.
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For other commentary on this topic, see:
I'd Rather Be Traveling
Post No Bills
A Prize in Every Box
Bad Apologies
Wish to See
A Little Maryment
September 20, 2005
A Conversation With Myself--WEbring #8
I don't really think I understood what I was getting myself into when I suggested the following topic for this week's webring assignment:
Write a topic of your choosing using ONLY lyrics from songs. You must cite the songs (with artist) at the bottom of your entry. Entries must be at least 200 words long (or use 20 songs). There must be a recognizable story line (not just "here are 20 songs I like").
But here goes. Please note that there is some obscenity, which I blame on the shocking social mores of the music industry. But damn do they make catchy songs.
My life's a trial. (1)
I know what you're saying. (2)
Everyday I fight a war against the mirror. (3)
I've been depressed and I get so stressed. (4)
Don't get so down on yourself. (5)
It's a problem, that I'm not solving
Don't mind admitting I feel like quitting. (6)
Take the dreams that should have died
The ones that kept you lying awake
When you should've been all right
And throw 'em all away. (7)
I live my life all by myself. (8)
And you can do what you want
Do what you like. (9)
I don't need no reasons or excuses for myself
I laugh to keep from cryin' like everybody else. (10)
The future still looks good
And you've got time to rectify
All the things that you should. (11)
I feel fine enough, I guess
Considering everything's a mess. (12)
I've got a word or two
To say about the things that you do. (13)
I love you,
But you're boring, you know. (14)
I don't know how I'm gonna live my life this way.
Don't want to have to try,
I'll just sit around and cry. (15)
I really do love you
But you're so particularly boring. (16)
Maybe, if I get lucky,
I'll just fuckin' die. (17)
Blah blah blah. (18)
You’ve got so many problems. (19)
Life sucks. What else is new? That’s tough. (20)
Feel so dry, I'm dead inside
I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. (21)
You gotta get up, get out and get something. (22)
Girl, all I got to say is - get a job bitch. (23)
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1 Kylie Minogue, In Denial
2 No Doubt, Don't Speak
3 Pink, Don't Let Me Get Me
4 Reel Big Fish, Cheer Up
5 Chris Isaak, Don't Get So Down On Yourself
6 Kylie Minogue, In Denial
7 Toad the Wet Sprocket, Throw It All Away
8 Bee Gees, All By Myself
9 Green Day, Tired of Waiting for You
10 The Badlees, Laugh to Keep from Cryin'
11 Beatles, Think For Yourself
12 Barenaked Ladies, Pinch Me
13 Beatles, Think For Yourself
14 Beautiful Soul, I Love You (But You're Boring)
15 A.F.I. Self Pity
16 Beautiful Soul, I Love You (But You're Boring)
17 A.F.I., Self Pity
18 Iggy Pop, Blah Blah Blah
19 Mxpx, Young and Depressed
20 Reel Big Fish, Cheer Up.
21 Disciple, Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired
22 Bone Thugs and Harmony, Get Up and Get It
23 Division, Get a Job Bitch
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For other commentary on this topic, see:
Post No Bills
A Prize in Every Box
Bad Apologies
Wish to See
A Little Maryment
September 13, 2005
Magic Baby Powers--WEbring Assignment #7
From Ms. Rather Be Traveling comes this installment of the Webring: Assuming you will have a child in the future, what one attribute or personality characteristic or natural ability would you like to secure for that child (assuming the magic Baby Genie (not to be confused with the Diaper Genie) gives you One Wish). Also, the attribute can not be exemption from a specific disease/disability.
While granting my baby super powers a la Mr. Fliven, or giving birth to a child with determination like Ms. Wish To See, or even raising a child with artistic and cultural appreciation like Ms. Post No Bills would be grand, I have different plans for my wunderkind.
If there were no restrictions on this wish, I would grant my child freedom from mental illness. It seems to run in the family, and I know from personal experience how depression and anxiety can make everything seem dull, sad, and insurmountable. It's impossible to doggedly seek your goals when it's too much of a burden to get up in the morning, and even the best museum or bottle of wine seems like a waste of time when you can't imagine going out of the house. And although I don't know it, I strongly suspect that even super powers lose some of their flair when the wielder of such power is racked with sobs at unexpected points during the day.
But I do believe I am specifically prohibited from giving my child an "exemption from a specific disease/disability", so instead, I will grant my baby the following characteristic:
While brains can get you far, and emotional maturity can helpful, I feel like many of the problems humanity faces are derived directly from a lack of articulacy. The ability to say what you mean, to make a persuasive argument, to present your facts in a meaningful way--it makes things so much smoother in so many aspects of life.
Plus, it would make my job easier as a parent.
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For other commentary on this topic, see:
Ms. Rather Be Traveling
Post No Bills
A Prize in Every Box
Bad Apologies
Wish to See
A Little Maryment
September 06, 2005
My Gang - WEbring Assignment #6
Courtesy of Mr. Bad Apologies, the topic this week is:
If you were to form a gang right now, what would it be called? What would it do? What would your personal nickname be? What would you be known to be especially "hard core" at in your gang?
After giving this topic some serious thought, I have decided that my gang will be known as the ASPs. As in, the "Anti-Stupid People" Gang. Nothing irritates me more than stupid people--which I realize is an almost absurdly broad category. But I can't help it. I hate them. And I'm not alone.
My street name will be Ms. Madagascar--for reasons that remain shrouded in mystery to all but my closest friends--as a reminder that even normally brilliant people can also act stupid sometimes.
I will specialize in extrajudicial maneuverings, fiscal smackdowns, and--above all--social exclusion. In the good cop/bad cop scenario, I'm the bitch with the stiletto heels.
(Although right now I've decided to forego the stiletto heels in favor of "lounge wear", which I find very condusive to elitism and petty judgement.)
Check out the usual suspects (Mr. Bad Apologies, Ms. Maryment, Ms. Post No Bills, Mr. A Prize In Every Box, and Ms. Wish to See) on the blogroll (to the right) for more on this scintillating topic. Ooh, also please welcome Ms. Rather Be Travelling to the WEbring.
Posted by madchen at 08:50 PM | Comments (0)September 01, 2005
Ideal Day - WEbring Assignment #5
From Ms. Maryment:
If you could spend tomorrow doing anything (the "ideal day"), what would it be?
AND
Compare/contrast this day with what your ideal day might have been 10 years ago.
This is a most difficult WEbring topic, which I find very unexpected. How hard is it to describe a perfect day? I suppose that, because I'm largely free to dictate my own schedule, every day should be my ideal day. The problem is that there isn't just one ideal day--there's an infinite number of them.
For example, today was an ideal day because I finally got to see a near-finished website for the Big Idea. And I finally sent off the reports to my very fist clients. It's an amazing experience to be starting my own business, and today I finally got to reap the benefits of my effort.
On the other hand, an ideal day is one where I wake up early (but not exhausted) and go shopping with friends. I find the perfect pair(s) of shoes and discover that I look stunning in every outfit I try on--AND everything happens to be on sale.
Then again, I think one of my favorite things is traveling--and that's an experience where every day is different. I would gladly skip the actual "traveling", since hours on an airplane isn't exactly fun, but the exploring new places, trying to speak to the locals in my broken phrases, and taking pictures of my adventures is one of the best times.
I guess I'm pretty happy with most days.
Now, 10 years ago...
I had just returned from a summer in Japan to live with a family friend and finish my senior year of high school in MD while my family stayed abroad. Little did I know that my winter of discontent was soon to arrive. Within two months, I would lose my best friend since 7th grade, get dumped by my boyfriend of 2 years, and fall into a deep and terrible form of clinical depression. I would miss almost half of my school days, go into intensive therapy, and eventually end up on antidepressants.
It was a hard year. During that time, an ideal day would have been my boyfriend arriving at my doorstep to announce that he still loved me, that it had all been a mistake, and that everything would be right from then on. Instead, he asked out a mutual friend (in fact, it was Ms. Maryment), placing all of the other school friends in a tough place. [Note to self: since all WEbring members are from that original group, might there be a topic for future detabe over senior year angst?]
Looking back, I am amazed at the kindness of my friends, the depths of my alienation and sadness, and the insight of my dad--who immediately knew that something was wrong when he visited from Japan in October. In fact, my real relationship with him began during that time, when he rescued me from myself by insisting that it was real and important and okay to be feeling this way.
Now, with ten years behind me, with both the boyfriend and Ms. Maryment happily married (although, thank heavens, not to each other), I realize what a silly and powerful thing that relationships are--how they have the potential to both create crisis and see us through the most difficult times.
Having been in such a dark place, it's easier now to see the "ideal day" in every day--even the sad ones. Because every day is unique and irreplacable, and once it's over it's gone forever. And because every day adds to the total of all my days, and I wouldn't be the person I am today without a single one of them.
Posted by madchen at 03:02 AM | Comments (1)August 22, 2005
My definition of success -- WEbring Assignment #4
This week's topic, "My definition of success", comes courtesy of Ms. Wish To See. She's definitely on to something, because everyone on the WEbring list is going through major changes and (if they are like me) are sorely in need of some serious reflection.
As for me, I've not exactly been a shining emblem of continuity. I've moved three times in the past 15 months (from condo to parents to Sweden to parents), quit my job and then returned to it in another guise, and suddenly decided that I need my own business.
All this change cries out for a little structure. And boy do I need it--right now I'm all over the board, trying to manage all the details without making any major mistakes.
And this might be an example of where my newly minted graduate degree in Strategic Leadership Towards Sustainability comes in. One of the most useful things we learned was the (drumroll, please):
5 Level Model for Planning in Complex Systems.
The gist is that in any complex system there are five non-overlapping, but inter-related levels that must be understood in order to strategically plan for the future. They are:
1. System: If we consider "my life" to be the system, then level one includes understanding all the relevant aspects (my health, my financial situation, my obligations, my family/friends, etc.)
2. Success: Here is the tricky part. How will I know if I have succeeded in my life? A question for the ages.
3. Strategy: Once I understand what "success" means, then I can decide on strategies to get me there. But until I know how to define success, I shouldn't be expending a lot of energy on strategies that might actually be moving me in the wrong direction.
4. Actions: This level includes everything I do to move strategically towards success. Like taking a shower every day (or two).
5. Tools: The final level in the model is tools, which are the "helpers" I will use. In the "my life" system, this might include education, the internet, my car, etc.
Whew. Enough exposition.
So what is my definition of success. As I understand it from the model above, everything hinges on knowing my vision of the future. While it's impossible to try and create a vision for the entire rest of my life (although I tried it here), I can at least outline a few "success" goals for the next couple of years.
1. As usual, financial security is at the top of my list. While I don't need to be rich, I never, EVER want to be in a place where I can't pay the rent. When I look at all the other characteristics of my dream life, I would almost always sacrifice the others for financial security.
2. Next on my list is autonomy. In relationships and in work, I want the freedom to be my own person, dictate my own schedule, and plan my own future.
3. Third on my list is a robust social circle. Right now, I'm extremely pleased with my group of friends and family. They are diverse but cohesive, funny, and smart. I'm proud to be part of their lives.
Hmm, this is interesting. All this time I thought that "moving out" and "starting my own business" were on the success list. But it turns out that those are really strategies designed to move me towards success.
Nonetheless, it gives me a shiver of excitement to see that Ms. Post No Bills has completed a first draft of the Big Idea's website. With any luck, it will be up and running by the middle of next week. Hurray for tools (the website) that lead to actions (advertising my services) as part of a strategy (starting my own business) that move towards success (financial security and autonomy) in the system (my life)!
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For other commentary on "My Definition of Success", see:
Post No Bills
A Prize in Every Box
Bad Apologies
Wish to See
A Little Maryment
August 16, 2005
Guilty Pleasures -- Webring Assignment #3
This week's WEbring assignment comes courtesy of Ms. NYC Rouge. She says: Please confess a particular guilty pleasure that brings you some bit of shame. I was torn over this entry, because there isn't a lot that I'm ashamed about. But then I realized that I only needed to identify something that brings me some bit of shame--and that was lots easier.
So here it goes: my guilty pleasure is internet dating.
Whew, there it's out. I feel so much better! Well, not so much--after all, there is a little bit of shame associated with this activity.
It's strange to say that I actually got into internet dating from an old boyfriend. We dated for awhile, decided it wasn't going to work out, but were still quite cordial--in a friends with benefits sort of way. He had been doing Match.com for a while, and actually dated the girl who eventually set the two of us up (I guess he remains cordial with all his exes). Anyway, he made it seem normal enough that I decided to give it a try. So, I've done it off and on for the last 3 years.
(Although there was a big chunk of time in Sweden where no internet dating happened at all--I feel strongly that the line between "normal internet dating" and "freaky-mail-order-bride internet dating" is determined in the distance between the two people.)
And while I haven't found the love of my life, I have gone on many, many fun dates (and a few terrible ones) and have even dated people for months at a time. I think that one of the best things about internet dating is that you aren't friends beforehand. That means that when there isn't chemistry on both sides, or the relationship just isn't going to work, there's no sadness that "the friendship will never be the same." You just go on leading your normal life.
Most of my friends don't seem phased by the idea of internet dating (and a fair share have tried it themselves), but my parents are appalled. As my mother says, "if you marry this guy, we'll have to tell people you met through friends." At least now that I've successfully dated these guys for months on end, they are less concerned that I'll end up dead in a ditch, with some strange cult markings on my naked body.
And that, dear readers, is my guilty pleasure.
I should also mention my habit of going to Whole Foods in the dead of cold, gray winter, just to smell the produce and convince myself that somewhere out there the sun is still shining.
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For other commentary on "Guilty Pleasures", see:
Post No Bills
A Prize in Every Box
Bad Apologies
Wish to See
A Little Maryment
August 08, 2005
Body Modification – Webring Assignment #2
This week's topic of Body Modification is brought to you courtesy of Fliven, or Mr. A Prize in Every Box, which is much too wordy and so, he shall henceforth be called Mr. Fliven. For the record, Mr. Fliven has two tattoos and is generally against body piercing for himself, although is fine with other people doing it as long as they aren't jangly when they talk. So now you know about him.
What can I say about body modification? Not much, although what I do know can be broken down into three categories.
NUMBER ONE
As part of that first crazy month in college, I went with a friend to a local tattoo parlor and got a shoddy piece of art forever imprinted on my body. From that experience I share with you Lesson #1: Stop. Breathe. Think. I should have done some research, looked at more photos, and waited until the initial excitement of being old enough to make permanent body modifications had worn off.
NUMBER TWO
A year later I went with my boyfriend to a different tattoo parlor, this one right across the street from my apartment and MUCH more respectable, and we got pierced. He got his tongue done, and I had my nipple and upper ear done. From that experience I share with you Lesson #2: The second piercing is always more painful than the first.
The guy who did the piercing (The Piercer?) had mentioned that the first piercing sensitizes the body to pain, and that it's better to do them simultaneously, or have the less-traditionally painful one done first. (Apparently, most women who get both nipples pierced have them done simultaneously, for just this reason.) At any rate, I took his suggestion and had the, ahem, less traditional body part pierced first.
I can't comment on the truth of his advice, since the first piercing was undoubtedly the most painful three seconds of my life—and continued to be painful for months afterward anytime I came in contact with an after-shower towel. On the other hand, had I done the ear first, I probably would have passed out when we moved south.
NUMBER THREE
Under the broad term of Body Modification, I think that body art (tattoos and body piercing) is the least of our obsessions. Instead, I would like to broach the topic of "diet and exercise" as America's main form of body modification, as we all seek to be the most "attractive" people we can be.
From a health perspective, it makes sense. An out-of-shape, fat person is much more likely to face serious health problems, like diabetes, heart disease, and stroke. On the other hand, I don't look in the mirror every morning with aversion and see an "unhealthy" person. No, the reason I feel such dismay has nothing to do with the likelihood of a trip to the hospital.
Ask any fat person. If you had three wishes, what would they be? I guarantee the answer (even if it's just a silent scream in their head, while out loud they speak of world peace, financial security, and fabulous shoes) is TO BE THIN.
When I close my eyes and think of body modification, I don't dream about getting another tattoo, piercing another part, or any other form of wild "art". No, I dream of sitting at the bar with my girlfriends and not being "the fat one".
So what's Lesson #3? Maybe it's not so much a lesson as a reflection: while tattoos and body piercing are becoming more acceptable in mainstream society, being fat is not. Phrased another way: beware the girl working from home a mere 15 feet away from the refrigerator.
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For other commentary on "Body Modification", see:
Post No Bills
A Prize in Every Box
Bad Apologies
Wish to See
A Little Maryment
August 02, 2005
Tourism in Colombia** - Webring Assignment #1
**The country formerly known to Write Again Soon as Columbia. Hey, it was late, I was tired, and my primary reference is to the "District of", not the country.
Eyes Only
To: President Álvaro URIBE Vélez
From: Jorge Humberto Botero, Minister of Tourism
Date: August 2, 2005
Re: Phase II Talking Points
Dear Sir,
Your esteemed plan to increase tourism in Colombia is working, and we have now launched Phase II. So far, it has received excellent press on CNN. As you will certainly be asked to comment on the strategy, I have prepared a series of talking point—outlined below.
General Safety Concerns in Colombia
• You have had great success in restoring safety and security to the nation. Halfway through your four-year term, you have record high popularity ratings around 70%. Between May 2002 and September 2004 Colombia has seen a decrease in homicide by 17.6%, massacres by 55.4%, kidnappings by 35.1%, and acts of terrorism by 18.4%.
• Try not to mention our 42-year history of bloody civil war, political assassinations, and ongoing guerilla warfare.
o Do NOT comment on the existing number of foreign kidnappings (we still rank #1 in the world for kidnappings)—if it comes up, just repeat that the numbers are decreasing every year. Colombia’s terrorists have kidnapped over 50 American citizens since 1992, and killed at least 10. Three American citizens, who had been working on counternarcotics programs, are still being held hostage in Colombia, captured by the FARC in February 2003.
o Try to downplay the May 2005 U.S. Department of State advisory about Colombia, which said "violence by narcoterrorist groups and other criminal elements continues to affect all parts of the country, urban and rural. No one can be considered immune on the basis of occupation, nationality or any other factor."
• Emphasize the safety measures in place for tourists. Each group will feel like royalty when they are escorted to their beachside resorts with an escort of convoys of dozens of cars escorted by 120-strong contingents of police and military, bristling with assault rifles and machine guns!
Attractions in Colombia
• Our pristine forests and glorious coastline will appear to nature-lovers, but try not to mention that our highlands subject to volcanic eruptions, occasional earthquakes, and periodic droughts.
• Colombia also has attractions for the most urban, sophisticated traveler as well.
o Colombia supplies more than 80% of the worldwide powder cocaine supply and over 70% of the heroin supply.
o Although your administration has committed itself to the eradication of all illicit drug crops, we guarantee a copious supply of cocaine and heroine to guests who make reservations for a 7-day trip.
• Hard currency goes a long way! Because 55% of our population lives below the poverty line, prices are low. Dollars and Euros are in high demand!
• Lots of internet cafes—even though we can't keep our population from killing each other (and foreign tourists), we have plenty of internet cafes so visitors can stay in touch with the developing world. These internet connections are also helpful when relaying ransom notes!
Phase III
• Because we have publicized the tourism plan in stages (Phase I and II were described in the CNN article), there may be questions about Phase III. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you discuss Phase III, as it will inevitably lead to war with Venezuela (who already hosts nearly 1 million of our refugees), severed relations with the United States, and possible enforcement of the Kyoto Treaty, which we signed last year.
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For other commentary on "Tourism in Columbia", see:
Things Are Looking Up in Colombia from Post No Bills
Webring Post #1 from A Prize in Every Box
Tourism in [the District of] Columbia by Bad Apologies
Webring Assignment #1 - Tourism in Colombia by Wish to See
CoLUMbia? But I hardly know ya! by A Little Maryment
