November 03, 2007
Manifest Destiny
When I got off the plane in San Diego yesterday, I was filled with a wave of nostalgia. There was the gate where I almost missed my flight back to grad school after the love of my life broke my heart. There was the airport hallway where I first saw Janie when she was just two months old and still a bit purple and wrinkly. There was Grape Street where that cool architectural salvage store still is. There was the Coronado bridge, and there was the restaurant where I was almost proposed to. There is the beach where the Navy SEALS run around doing their Navy SEAL thing. There is the sunshine that always makes me feel happy.
I lived in San Diego for just under a year, in between college and graduate school. I was ridiculously young--just 20--and I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I had a liberal arts degree but no skills, and I ended up working as a random office person at a small local company whose product I still am unclear about. I didn't really have any local friends outside of the social circle acquired through my boyfriend (the aforementioned love of my life). I knew I didn't want to be in the Pacific Northwest anymore, missed my friends in DC, but had nothing pulling me back in that direction. When I was offered a chance for a free ride to grad school back East, I jumped at it. That was nine years ago, and aside from visiting my family I few times immediately afterwards, I hadn't been back to San Diego since.
It didn't really occur to me when I booked this trip that I would be coming back to a place with deep personal significance. Thus I was surprised to feel bursts of emotion—ranging from general amusement to bittersweet longing and throbbing anger—at every turn. And so for the last 24 hours I have been caught up in remembering the person that I was back then. I remember her as being much nicer, more open, and more generous with her feelings. But she was also aimless, restless, and dramatic. In short, she was a girl who graduated from college too early, when she should have stuck around another two years and grown up a bit.
Not that I regret the choices I made (or allowed to be made for me). After all, the chances that life would turn out this way—having a thriving business in a cutting-edge field—were so astronomically small that it could only have happened through the combination of all those small decisions along the way. I think I probably would have stayed close to my family, and stayed connected with my friends—but the career part of my life was a total fluke and I have to be grateful that it all spun out the way that it did.
All of this history makes it very strange to be here—at a conference on growing a small business—because it's forcing me to not just be retrospective in my ponderings, but also to look forward. For the last six months I've been struggling with the Big Idea and where I see it going. For the first two years, I just wanted to see if I could do it and not starve (or live off of my ever-patient parents). And now that I've achieved those milestones of industry credibility, financial solvency, and personal respect...well, I'm just not quite sure what the next step is. But being at this conference, and being challenged with some great information and thought-provoking questions, the way forward is becoming a little clearer.
At least on the career front. When I look back at what made my life meaningful when I lived here (being totally and completely in love with someone), the way forward looks pretty empty. As much as I have grown in the past nine years, I think my capacity for true intimacy has shrunk. And if I'm honest about where I'm putting my time and energy these days, it's not in the “emotional development” arena.
Of course, when I am rich and successful and sitting on my yacht in the San Diego sunshine, I might not care. And if you promise not to talk about your feelings, I might invite you along.
Posted by madchen at 12:11 AM | Comments (0)May 04, 2007
How to Recover from a Broken Heart
I base this advice on two episodes of broken-heartedness. They were separated by a space of 8 years, but I remember the symptoms that I am experiencing now and see the logic in acknowledging that there is a cycle. Forewarned is forearmed, if still very unhappy.
Step 1: Cry. A Lot.
The first step in getting over a broken heart is to acknowledge how much it sucks. In my case, my heart broke so quickly that it was over before we knew it was happening. In the space of one day, I went from being totally content and happy to sobbing on the floor as he drove away forever.
Anyway, the problem with a broken heart is that it's loss that is compounded in a million different ways. It's the best friend who's no longer there to listen to your daily tribulations. It's the lover who will no longer touch your face and whisper how much he wants you. It's the intellectual equal that you never thought you'd find in a partner. It's the person who exposes you to new movies, new restaurants, and new gossip websites. It's the person who despairs of your taste in music and secretly hopes you'll learn the finer points of football. It's the person who made you finally open up after 10 years of being an emotional recluse, and the person who—in the end—said you weren't what he was looking for.
Here is where the crying starts.
I advise that you give into the crying as much as possible, at least at the beginning. And when I say cry, I mean really let loose. Let your eyes swell up, your nose run, and above all, be sure to make the terrible noises that accompany a heart shattered into little pieces. Wallow in the misery. Allow yourself to feel just how empty and meaningless your life is without this person, and just how very alone you are.
Why do I recommend this? Well, the more emotional and hysterical the crying is, the more you exhaust yourself. There is something about the human body that simply cannot be hysterically upset for more than 10-15 minutes. Time yourself and see. Really, it works.
I advise that you give yourself an early morning "cry time" and then another one right before bed. I find that a broken heart repeats the same cycle, and we can use that to our benefit. Each morning when you wake up only to remember that you're no longer in a happy relationship, that's a perfect time to muster all your crying abilities and get it out of the way. And going to bed, when you go over your day and lament the absence of someone to share it with—that is also an excellent time to expel all that pent up anguish.
In between, feel free to do some "pretty crying". This involves silent tears running down your face (hopefully camouflaged behind some dark sunglasses), a strange tightening of the mouth, and perhaps a delicate sniff or two. If you've really indulged in the twice-daily mega-cry, then these interludes should be enough to get you through the day. And you can do them anywhere! Today, for example, I've done "pretty crying" in the following places: 1) in the car when listening to the radio, 2) in the parking lot waiting for a shuttle bus, 3) on the airplane during take-off, 4) in the airplane during landing, 5) in the bathtub after I got back from the gym, 6) just a few minutes ago while I was packing my suitcase, and 7) right now.
Long story short, crying is going to happen and you are best off when you can strategically separate the heavy-duty crying jags (complete with hair pulling and moaning) from the unhappy-but-not-totally-embarrassing crying. After all, when the time comes when you are actually required to step into real life (if only for a few minutes), you'll be much happier knowing you've gotten the sobbing out of the way for the next few hours.
Step 2: Stop Crying. Now.
Ok, now quit it. Crying all day isn't going to get you anywhere—and deep down you know that at some point it has to stop. This is why I feel that the planned heavy-duty crying is so helpful. Once I've given myself 15 minutes of writhing agony, I can go about my day (at least for the next few hours) pretty much business as usual.
Unfortunately, crying spurts will sneak up on your when least expect it. This is why I recommend turning off your radio (music is a huge trigger, except maybe for the gym mix on your iPod), avoiding updating your Quicken (where you can relive the last days of your relationship via your spending habits), and being very selective about who you commiserate with (because you are basically guaranteed to start leaking tears whenever a thoughtful friend expresses sympathy—good for solidarity, bad for productivity).
My best piece of advice? Get yourself to the gym. It is physically impossible to cry while on an elliptical machine—I've found that it's the one place that I can think about my misery without resorting to sobbing convulsions. On the track (or a treadmill), you can still do "pretty crying" while walking, but stepping it up to a jog basically nullifies the tear ducts capabilities. Here is where the body's reluctance to multitask works well for the brokenhearted. Plus, you get some nice exercise. And potentially sore legs. (During the first day after my most recent break-up, I spent 4 hours exercising since every time I stopped moving the tears started again and I just couldn’t deal with it any more. By the time that I made my wobbly legs carry me to the shower, I managed only a 5 minute sob session before pulling it together and crawling into bed for a nap.)
Step 3: Distract Yourself.
Whether it's time at the gym, or a complicated work project, or whatever—find someplace or something that requires all of your attention. The benefit is that you give yourself a break. The downside is that moment when the activity ends and the full impact of your misery hits you like a ton of bricks. It's like your heart breaks all over again. But each time, it breaks a little bit less. Small comfort though it is, it is progress and something you will appreciate over time.
Step 4: Stop Talking about It. Immediately.
While at the very beginning of the broken heart recovery process it's good and healthy to talk it through with friends, at some point you need to internalize the unhappiness. For one thing, your friends are going to get tired of it—no matter how much they love you, dealing with someone else's misery on a daily basis eventually makes a person want to run away and hide. And for another thing, constantly reliving the event and its consequences prevents you from moving on.
If you are having trouble with this step and you've exceeded your hiatus (see below), it's time to take a hard look at yourself. Once you've experienced all the loss, all the pain, all the physical absence, all the loneliness—and given yourself time to mourn—why are you not moving on? As much as I hate to quote Dr. Phil, he has a point that when we make ourselves unhappy, we're doing it because we secretly get something out of it. To quote him again, how's that working for you?
Step 5: Put Yourself on Hiatus.
I am a believer in the rebound—a period of time where you are still in heartbreak mode and should be allowed to wallow in misery (within the guidelines set out above), and when you should absolutely NOT be "out there" interacting with the world like nothing has gone wrong. This rebound time ensures that you give yourself enough time to mourn your loss, and that you have an opportunity to work through any residual issues.
How do you calculate the rebound period? Simple—just take one week for every month you were together. I don't know why, but it works. I dated him for 7 months, and that means I'm on hiatus for 7 weeks, at which point I can reenter the world as a competent human being.
Step 6: No Dating. No Sex. Really.
Part of being on hiatus is giving yourself the space to be celibate. Trust me, I've tried the "get back in the saddle" approach and it just does NOT work. So don't make the mistake of mixing the business of broken heart recovery with the dubious pleasure of rebound dating. Make your hiatus a "coi-atus".
The added benefit is that when you forbid yourself from dating, there are no nights spent wondering why no guy has asked you out. When you choose not to hook up just for the sake of having sex, you avoid the ugly surprises that inevitably follow (there are few things as unpleasant as the intersection between sex and a spontaneous crying fit, and I speak from experience here).
Step 7: Realize that While It Gets Better, The Pain Will Never Go Away Completely.
I think one of the biggest mistakes in a breakup is the goal to return to "normal". The death of a relationship is very much like the death of a person. We experience loss, pain, loneliness—and a part of us dies in that process. So even though life goes on and we learn to cope, there's also the truth that we are forever changed. There is no going back to normal life. And that's okay—humans have an amazing ability to adapt.
But while it absolutely sucks to acknowledge that we'll never be the same person, that acceptance it the only way forward. Not that it's much help at the outset, when the biggest lesson we can learn is to have that pair of dark sunglasses available at all times. ALL TIMES. So take it one day at a time--and when that doesn't work, focus on getting through the next 10 minutes.
Posted by madchen at 12:52 AM | Comments (16)March 22, 2007
Momentary Silence
An ugly thing is happening to me. Well, maybe "ugly" is the wrong word for it, but it's definitely uncomfortable...sort of like growing pains. It started off as a 24-bug, and has since developed into a full-fledged fever of sorts. I am incapable of stopping it, and now I'm even a little curious to see where it might go. Where will this transformation end? Will I eventually be forced to move to the slums of India to tend to the weak and poverty-stricken?
You see, dear reader, it seems I am becoming a *caring* person.
Perish the thought, you say! Ms. Write Again Soon is dead inside, a cold and bitter ice queen! She is incapable of letting down her guard and being emotionally committed! Yes, she is fabulous in bed, a witty delight to be around, and perhaps even an amazing chocolate chip cookie maker--but choosing to be vulnerable with another human being...never!
I know, it's as surprising to me as it must be to you. And yet, I can feel it happening--the oh-so-gradual thaw that suggests I might not have completely shut down the "feelings" component of my psyche at the devastating end of my last relationship. Which was...oh...eight years ago.
It's been a long road, dear reader. A winding one, too.
Posted by madchen at 04:20 PM | Comments (0)January 08, 2007
The Best Things I've Ever Done For Myself
In the spirit of "2007--grab it by the balls", I thought it would be appropriate to figure out the best things I've ever done for myself, in hopes that it will inspire me to go more good things (and avoid the crap ones).
LASIK EYE SURGERY
Why it was the best: Even though it seemed incredibly expensive at the time, getting my eyes fixed has been a miracle. It wasn't that I was completely blind, but waking up in the middle of the night and being able to read the clock across the room is a magnificent thing to behold. And its not like I'm being taken home by a new fella every night, but the ability to spontaneously decide on a sleepover without worrying about whether I had a stockpile of contact solution in the trunk of my car is shining beacon of joy.
What else could inspire such wonders: Admittedly, LASIK was pretty much a one-hit wonder. While there are lots of health-body-related things I'd love (laser hair removal comes to mind), I don't know that there's anything quite comparable to the gift of 20/20 vision.
BUYING A CONDO
Why it was the best: Living on my own, in a delightful place, made me feel like an independent woman of means. Filling it up with my own stuff, arranging it just so, throwing dinner parties--it all made me feel like I was in control of my own life. Even if I wasn't dating anyone fantastic, or really enjoying my job all that much, knowing that I had a place all my own to come home to was enough to make me happy.
What else could inspire such wonders: For starters, getting out of my parents' house would probably make me feel more confident (although would admittedly create more financial stress). There was something about owning a place that was significantly different than renting, and so buying a new place--even if it's out in the boondocks, should be at the top of my list.
THE BIG IDEA
Why it was the best: I admit that it's a little premature to say that the Big Idea is one of the best things I've ever done for myself, but it has been an eye-opening experience. To know that I have the energy and the drive to take an idea and turn it into a thriving business makes me very happy--and has taught me where my strengths and weaknesses are as a businessperson. Still to be determined are the Big Idea's long-term potential and financial reality, but for now I can say that it's been a net positive experience.
What else could inspire such wonders: Getting to the point where the Big Idea is on really solid financial footing is the next big hurdle, and I'm well on my way to a sink-or-swim turning point. I think that with enough hard work and time, 2007 could be the year that it all solidifies. Or else, the year that I realize I need to get a traditional job.
TRAVEL
Why it was the best: Travel is great for two reasons: first, it actually does broaden my horizons, makes me step out of my comfort zone, and allows me to see amazing places that pictures on the internet just don't do justice. But it also allows me to have something special, something to hold on to the way others hold on to their significant others. Ok, so it doesn't keep me warm at night, but knowing that I've climbed Mt. Nemrut in eastern Turkey is consolation for not having a boyfriend. Really, it is.
What else could inspire such wonders: There are so many places left to see that it's a bit overwhelming at times, and can quickly become a bank account disaster. Fortunately, I have gobs of frequent flier miles to use, and so planning a little (say, 4-week) solo getaway this coming fall is a great motivator to work on the Big Idea to ensure it's financial security during my absense. So let's vote: Morocco-Algiers, African Safari, or Argentina-Chile?
NOTES
It's strange that the things I *thought* I would write about ended up not making the list. Breaking up with a particular boyfriend back in college, just weeks before he would have proposed, is something that I think was a good idea--but given how moody I am about the whole relationship thing, perhaps I would have been happier just tying the knot with Mr. Bad Dancer. Who knows? And I thought that giving up my romantic/conservative notions of sex would also rank high--it's certainly benefitted me in the short term. But now as I survey the landscape of available men, I realize that having "fabulous in bed" as a qualification for a meaningful relationship has narrowed down an already microscopic playing field. So perhaps my mother was right: it's better not to know what you're missing.
Posted by madchen at 12:48 PM | Comments (0)January 01, 2007
New Years Resolutions
It's a problem that's plagued me for years, and one that's just gotten worse in the last 2 years. It's embarrassing, shameful, and entirely of my own making. And so, dear reader, I have one tiny, simple, straightforward goal for 2007--one that, if I can manage it, will completely revolutionize my life.
Be On Time
I admit it, I have a terrible habit of showing up 5-10 minutes late (and occasionally more) for everything. It begins in the morning, when I get up a solid 20 minutes later than planned...and then dawdle over email when I should be jumping in the shower and getting a start on the day. Because I haven't found the time to stay organized, the process of getting out the door (or parked at my desk for the first conference call of the day) is unnecessarily complicated, and I usually end up dashing out the door with a crucial bit of information missing (like directions), which then puts me even farther behind.
Because I'm always late, I rarely take public transportation--since I can't find the 20 minutes necessary to walk to the nearest metro station. So I end up paying exhorbitant parking rates, which then makes me feel like I need to work MORE hours to pay for it all.
Because I'm trying to juggle a dozen projects at once, I'm chronically re-prioritizing tasks throughout the day. The nature of the Big Idea means that I need to be immediately available when potential clients come calling, and between current paying projects and business development things, I rarely have a "big picture" view of where things are going.
By the time I get back to the house in the evening, I already have a list of over-due tasks, reminders, and obligations. I end up working throughout the night, which means that I go to bed around 2 a.m.--making the alarm clock beeping a most hated noise, and going far to explain why I start off slow in the morning.
All in all, it's a vicous cycle, and so my goal this year is to commit only to the things I can complete in good standing, to allocate enough minutes to getting to places on time, and to be prepared when I do arrive to begin work (or fun) without scrambling for additional information.
Let Operation Be On Time (OBOT) begin.
(And dear reader, help me create a feeling of solidarity by sharing your own New Years Resolutions in the comments section below. Remember that you can leave the name/email/website sections blank if you'd like to protect your anonynmity. Mr. Bastish has fixed the comment problem, and so everything should run smoothly!)
Posted by madchen at 04:42 PM | Comments (1)December 22, 2006
Call Me Mook
I'm having one of those days where every minute is about 15 seconds away from a panic attack. Not because life is disastrous, but because I feel caught between the possibilities. Either could turn out to be great, but there's no reasonable way to choose between them.
The Pilot
I really like this guy--even though he just backed out of joining me at a holiday party tonight. (He's sick, so I'll give him a break.) On the one hand, I feel like I should just quit playing around and admit that he's the one I want, stop dating other people, and just see where it goes. On the other hand, I feel like I should smother these feelings (which may or may not be returned) and pursue my other opportunities--like Mr. Doctor, who took me on a completely delightful, non-weird date on Wednesday. Either way, I feel like I'm losing something important.
The Big Idea
I just signed over a big chunk of change to a Big Idea project--one that is completely new to me. It's full of promise, and I think it could help generate some amazing revenue, but it's scary to be in a 6-month pilot phase. On the one hand, I want to throw myself into the Big Idea with everything I have--even if it means recommitting myself to 80-hour work weeks (I've slacked off in December). On the other hand, looking ahead to what will be a very rough year, I sort of want to put it all on hold, cash in one of my mutual funds, and go travel the world. The especially scary thing is that I could EASILY do that, and having it be such an available option is more stress than it's worth.
The Living Situation
Living with my family has been a godsend, and has allowed me the flexibility to try out the Big Idea in a way that would have been impossible without that extra layer of financial security. But now, and especially since my parents are moving to a new place in the summer, it's time to make a choice. On the one hand, I certainly have enough money in the bank to rent a place, but not quite enough to put down a deposit. And it might give me the motivation I need to really throw myself into the Big Idea. On the other hand, living with my family for another year would give me the opportunity to put more money into the Big Idea--thus growing the product and service offerings--and would likely allow me to save enough money to buy a place more comfortably next year.
See? None of these options are particularly terrible, and yet I find myself unable to just make a decision. As a result, I'm much like poor Mook, who managed to escape her enclosure this morning, but couldn't find the courage to run. Instead, she ended up curling up for a nap under a bench--neither caged nor free. I'm scared that I'll make the wrong choice, and thus make only half-choices. And let me tell you, dear reader, half-choices suck.
Posted by madchen at 12:05 PM | Comments (2)February 04, 2006
Why I Love Travel
I was struck by the recent entries by Mr. Bad Apologies and Ms. NYC Rouge about their hometown love for D.C. and NYC, respectively. I thought they captured the essence of how each city is different, and each has a way of fulfilling needs in a unique way.
I wanted to write something similar, but realized that I don't have an abiding passion for the near-city suburbs where I live. I tell people I'm "from the D.C. area", and only when pressed do I specify the actual location. Not that it's unpleasant or somehow distasteful to live in Bethesda. In fact, it's close to the metro (giving me quick access to the "real" D.C.) and has a plethora of restaurants that cater to every palate. It's just a hop, skip, and jump away from the beltway and I-270, making it convenient to Virginia, as well as farther-out suburbs that would be an abhorrent thought from the center of the city.
And yet...
It's not home. Not that I can readily identify a place called "home". The house in Maryland where I spent the majority of my K-12 education was nice, but I don't feel nostagic for the uber-suburbia life it presented. College in Oregon was a blip on the radar--living in a dorm room, sharing an apartment, and having my own studio apartment, all in the space of 2.5 years, did not exactly cement the place in my memory--not to mention the summers in Japan (which, although splendid in an easy-access-to-boys way, was not "home" either). From there, I spent a year in San Diego, where living with my parents and working a meaningless job weren't exactly the way I planned to start of my glamorous 20s, thus driving me to Blacksburg, Virginia for graduate school.
What was supposed to be a 2 year program, I managed to squeeze into a single 12-month period, including a 3 month stint in the D.C.-region satellite facility. I moved into an apartment with Ms. Wish to See, where we happily lived for 2 years before I decided to get into the property game.
My condo (how I so quickly managed to fill a 3-bedroom, 2-bath place still boggles my mind) was an oasis, a time when I finally felt like I was a "real" adult--but living in Silver Spring never felt like my real "home". So after 18 months, when I was desperate to leave my job, I jumped at the chance to go to Sweden for a year.
Selling my condo and spending the year in Sweden was both the best decision and one I will always question. The opportunity to travel around Europe, think about BIG issues, and meet my fellow classmates was an invaluable experience. On the other hand, the academic program itself, the loss of income, the sale of my home, and my lack of direction upon returning to the United States was disappointing and potentially disastrous.
And once again, here I am with itchy feet, wanting to get out of my rut (can 6 months in one place really be a rut?) and travel. It's not like I have the income, or need, to make this 4-week trip to Europe. In fact, it would probably be a MUCH smarter move to stay put in my little room and diligently work on the Big Idea.
But something drives me to get out and see what I can see. I look around and wonder why everyone isn't hankering to hop on a plane at the first opportunity. Instead, I see plenty of friends who are content to plan a wedding, work their jobs, and play with their dogs. Am I missing something? Is there contentment in the little things that I'm just not getting?
Maybe by traveling I'm searching for something that's missing in my life. Or maybe I'm just clued in to something that most Americans are missing. Meeting fellow travelers (none of whom are from the United States, at least on this trip), has made me realize just how isolated we are in terms of worldviews--even those of us who label ourselves "liberal". While I considered myself fairly up to date with world politics (I suppose I'm predisposed, given my political science and international relations background), I'm constantly amazed to see the hidden viewpoints so eloquently revealed by citizen travelers. It's something missing in the newspaper articles that I think America very much needs right now.
So for now, I'm happy to be homeless--or at least recognizing that my place in the world is a temporary one, and that there's a trip just around the corner.
Posted by madchen at 08:51 AM | Comments (5)January 01, 2006
2006 New Year's Resolutions
1. I will devote myself to the Big Idea for the first six months of 2006. I will cultivate networks, clients, and projects—always looking for ways to be financially self-sufficient. I will make a point of attending relevant conferences, meeting with local organizational allies, and following up on all new contacts. In July 2006, I will reevaluate this decision; at that time I may choose to re-engage in a search for regular full-time employment.
2. I will practice mindful eating, seeking to appreciate food for its true purpose rather than as a response to boredom or stress. I will not eat in front of the television or the computer. In the coming months, I will explore the CAMP system as a way to improve my eating experience.
3. I will travel as much as possible in 2006, seeking out new experiences whenever possible. I will create a mix of indoor and outdoor travel opportunities, and balance group trips with solo journeys. The goals for 2006 are to visit three continents, sleep under the stars, and spend an entire day where I use no English whatsoever.
Posted by madchen at 02:13 PM | Comments (0)December 27, 2005
Theme Music
I was flipping though the TV channels this evening when I happened to come across professional wrestling--WWE on USA, to be exact. I'm not a huge fan, but looking back I have to admit that I've seen my fair share of it over the years.
It all began with Rock 'n Wrestling, a mid-80s Saturday-morning cartoon series featuring the stars of the World Wrestling Federation. Living in Guam, I guess there wasn't much to watch, because I remember at least three distinct episodes, including one where a character decides to go on a diet and seeks advice from Andre the Giant.
My involvement with professional wrestling then took a hiatus until grad school (which, given my previous enjoyment of Rock 'n Wrestling, was no sure thing). A fellow classmate was completely enamoured of the sport, and could give a better play-by-play of the fights than the actual announcer. He was so entertaining that the entire grad school department came over to his place when he hosted a pay-per-view Wrestlemania party in 2000. I can't remember who won, but I believe the fight included some shenanigans with a ladder.
Since then, I haven't really watched wrestling, other than thoroughly enjoying the commercials that advertised the WWE was moving networks to USA. Nonetheless, occasionally it crosses my mind (especially when I've been watching a lot of television).
What I find especially intriguing is the idea of ring music. If you're not a die-hard fan of wrestling, let me explain (or rather, have Wikipedia explain):
Music in professional wrestling serves a variety of purposes.
The most common uses of music is that of the entrance theme, a song or piece of instrumental music which plays as a performer approaches the ring. After a match, the entrance theme of the victor will normally be played as they exit the ring. Entrance themes are used to alert the audience to the immediate arrival of a wrestler, and to increase anticipation.
Entrance themes are often tailored to the character of the wrestler they are written or selected for. For example, Jacob and Eli Blu (The Blu Brothers) had an entrance theme which resembled a piece of Blues music. The Undertaker has often used entrance themes which resemble a dirge. In practise, modern day entrance themes are normally rock or rap music, as these genres of music are popular with the professional wrestling key demographics.
The Wikipedia entry (you have to wonder what noble citizens compiled this information) goes on to list, in alphabetical order, entrance themes according to the wrestler who uses them.
So now I'm thinking, how great would it be if the world were set up so that each person had an entrance theme that played a split second before they walked into a room? It would instantly announce your arrival, and signal the victor at the end of every conversation, debate, and confrontation. Imagine it:
You're sitting in a staff meeting, waiting for everyone to show. Suddenly, the lights flash and Martha Wainwright's "Stupid Bloody Motherf***ing Asshole" comes over the loudspeaker. You immediately know to stop talking about your boss, even before she arrives in the doorway a second later.
Or...
You are having a fight with your boyfriend. It's one of those disagreements that is unlikely to be resolved, because both of you believe you're in the right. Are you doomed to hash out the same tired arguments time and time again, because no clear winner can be established? Not with theme music! Saving yourself a lot of time and effort, it's immediately clear who won this fight, and you can move on to new issues--and you don't even need to break a chair over his head.
Of course, this brings up a very important question: what would my theme music be? I've been pondering it for several hours and I can't quite come up with the perfect song. Sort of like my alias: I've been working on it for years, trying out fake names on restaurant waiting lists and signing up for mailing lists with nom de plumes. I can't decide, however, because once you've decided on an alias (or theme music), you're sort of committed. You know?
Posted by madchen at 02:02 AM | Comments (2)November 25, 2005
Thanksgiving
Every year around this time I get to thinking about my life. Am I happy? What do I hope for next year? Why can I never seem to stay on top of the laundry situation?
This year is no exception, and as I look forward to the Christmas holidays (which currently are only on paper, since I have no plans to indicate the next month will be any different from the preceding eleven) I am starting to feel rather uncomfortable. The sad truth is that I have no exciting plans--at least none that I'm really passionate about. Sure, there are potentially exciting plans, including:
1. Applying to a Ph.D. program (deadline January 1).
2. Volunteering for a 6 or 12 month program in Africa (deadline January 1).
3. Visiting friends in Europe this winter (deadline February 1).
4. Finding a meaningful and well-paid permanent job (current contract ends December 16).
By all accounts, I should be delighted with the possibilities. But right now I'm sort of mopey. To quote The Teacher, "Meaningless, meaningless. Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless." I don't mean that in a depressed sort of way, just in a "can't get up the enthusiasm since one plan seems just as likely to bring happiness as the next" sort of way.
Perhaps this needs more thought.
Posted by madchen at 02:34 PM | Comments (3)August 02, 2005
Where I Belong
Over the past few days, I've been thinking about where I belong. Living with my parents at the ripe old age of 27 is rapidly losing its allure and it looks like I will have to be in my own place before I can really start my new business.
All fine and good.
So for the last two weeks, I've been compulsively searching the Washington Post website for apartments and homes to buy--looking for something in my price range (unlikely) that was still in a nice area (even more unlikely).
Then it occurred to me. I don't have to live in the D.C. region at all! The world is my oyster and if I'm really serious about staying an independent consultant, then I should be looking at the whole United States (damn those international labor laws).
Enter Find Your Spot, a handy little quiz that tells you your top 20-ish places to live, based on a complex set of questions including climate, population, crime, housing market, culture, and sports. It's free and actually seemed to spit back places I might like to live.
Here's the short list:
Silver City, NM
Ashland, OR
Las Vegas, NM (not to be confused with the Las Vegas)
Milwaukle, OR
Mindon & Gardnerville, CA
Northampton, MA
Morgantown, WV
Taos, NM
(I think I must have gotten every conceivable city/town in New Mexico and Arizona, but I discarded some as too big or too expensive.)
Looks like the West Coast is a-calling. Who's up for a road trip this fall?
Posted by madchen at 02:21 AM | Comments (4)May 19, 2005
Birthday Reflections
Some things have changed a lot, others have remained the same. I wouldn't necessarily have been able to predict which things fell into which category, though, which keeps life interesting.
Last Year My Birthday: fell on a Tuesday.
This Year My Birthday: was on a Wednesday.
On May 18, 2004: I received an email notification about my acceptance into the inaugural class of Strategic Leadership towards Sustainability graduate program.
On May 18, 2005: I presented my thesis defense for the MSLTS program.
On May 18, 2004: I was frustrated by my job, and eagerly looking for the next big step.
On May 18, 2005: I was frustrated by my graduate program, and eagerly looking for the next big step.
On May 18, 2004: I spent the day with my amazing co-workers, who were delighted with my news about school.
On May 18, 2005: I spent the day with classmates, who were delighted with my thesis presentation.
On May 18, 2004: I spent the evening playing softball with co-workers.
On May 18, 2005: I spent the evening making dinner with my roommate, taking a nap, eating birthday cake with classmates, and finishing up the Alias marathon.
On May 18, 2004: I had my first phone conversation with Brandon, sparking a whirlwind relationship that I thought might be “the one”.
On May 18, 2005: I had no prospects for a date, let alone a relationship.
On May 18, 2004: I went to sleep in my own bed in my own condo.
On May 18, 2005: I went to sleep in a rented bed in an apartment I will be leaving in 10 days.
On May 18, 2004: I was filled with the possibilities of quitting my job, starting school again, and a new relationship.
On May 18, 2005: I am overwhelmed with the things that need to be done in the next 12 days, but have no idea of what my life will look like 6 weeks from now.
May 18, 2005
Philanthropy is Gratifying
Today’s Washington Post has an article about the Whitman-Walker Clinic. The first paragraph began:
The Whitman-Walker Clinic, the region's leading source of services for people with HIV/AIDS, is struggling with a financial crisis that has depleted much of its reserves and forced its board to begin considering program cutbacks. On Friday, for the first time in its three decades, the clinic was unable to meet payroll.
The article goes on to detail the Clinic’s financial woes, which include $700,000 in overdue reimbursements from the District Health Department and Prince George's County housing agency and a potential $2 million liability related to a mistake in billing for government contracts (due to a mistake—not fraud). The billing investigation is holding up further grants, yet the Clinic “has continued to provide social support and medical, legal and educational assistance at an unreimbursed cost of $480,000 a month.”
Although I’ve never gone to the Clinic and don’t know anyone who has, the Clinic’s impact is well known to me. The idea that employees are missing paychecks (and although some staff will be paid their salary balance on Friday, 16 top managers elected to delay their salary completely) was too much. I went to their website and made an online donation. I sent a little note, saying that while my tiny contribution (a pittance, really) wasn’t much, I hope they know how far their influence spreads (all the way to Sweden!).
So now, I can add The Whitman-Walker Clinic to my list of “groups I currently support”. Gosh, I feel so philanthropic—which brings me to my big thought of the day:
Philanthropy is an underestimated source of gratification.
It’s true that there is no selfless act. If you doubt the veracity of this statement, I refer you to the Season 5 Episode 4 of Friends, where Joey claims that good deeds make you feel good, and therefore are selfish. Phoebe spends the entire episode trying to prove him wrong ("I'm gonna find a selfless good dead. I'm gonna beat you, you evil genius" because, "I just gave birth to three children and I will not let them be raised in a world where Joey is right!") Yet even her good deed at the end is deemed selfish because even though she donates money to PBS, which she hates, she feels good about getting Joey on TV for collecting her donation.
But who cares if you feel good about doing good? I'm pretty sure that my donating to the Whitman-Walker Clinic makes me just as happy as a new skirt*—and for about the same cost. Yet, the Clinic needs the money MUCH more than I need a new skirt. Plus, by using my money for a good cause, I am doing a double service:
1. Whitman-Walker gets a little closer to paying their staff their well-deserved salaries.
2. I’m wreaking havoc (well, perhaps not havoc, but I’m at least doing my part) on the economic model that says buy, buy, buy…and then buy some more!
Plus, I get the added benefit of being smug. I love that feeling.
*Perhaps even happier, since apparently I have so many clothes that I can’t even keep track of them. What joy does a forgotten jacket bring?
Posted by madchen at 05:11 PM | Comments (1)May 14, 2005
Talk is Cheap, Cowboy.
Well, so much for radio silence--that lasted, what, about 15 minutes? I've hit a wall in the thesis work (surprise, surprise) and I thought I might finish up an entry I've been thinking about for a while.
Premise: Talk is cheap. When a person really stands for something, she will actively support a cause through financial, volunteer, or other contributions. Moreover, citizens have a responsibility to actively engage in causes that are meaningful to them. Otherwise, we're just freeloaders with no right to complain about any perceived injustice or flaws in the system.
So, it might tell me something about myself to list all the causes I currently support (or have supported in the past), and compare that with a list of groups I would like to suport in the future. Might that tell me where my heart lies, and where I am lacking in participation?
Groups I have supported in the past:
City at Peace ($)
American Film Institute* ($/membership)
WETA* ($/membership)
* will support again
Groups I currently support:
University of Oregon ($)
Virginia Tech ($)
Compassion International ($/sponsor)
Saratoga Foundation for Women (Volunteer)
Groups I would like to support in the future:
Human Rights Campaign
Amnesty International
Center for a New American Dream
National Public Radio
(Of course, this doesn't include my regular letter-writing campaigns to my local, state, and national government on all sorts of issues.)
Am I missing anything obvious?
Posted by madchen at 04:54 PM | Comments (5)April 27, 2005
Basic Human Needs - Freedom
Basic Human Need: Freedom.
Being (qualities): autonomy, passion, self-esteem, open-mindedness.
Having (things): equal rights.
Doing (actions): dissent, choose, run risks, develop awareness.
Interacting (settings): anywhere.
As an American, it's sometimes hard to think about freedom without immediately getting all patriotic. Or, perhaps, un-patriotic, as I think about the restrictions on civil liberties imposed by the Patriot Act, the continuing discrimination against gays promoted by the Christian right, and my inability to choose a toxin-free lifestyle because of current environmental regulations.
Sigh. Despite the slogan, "Land of the Free, Home of the Brave", America can be a very stifling place to live, especially seen from the Swedish perspective. On the other hand, it's all a sliding scale and I'd rather be an American than an Iraqi right now—despite their recent "liberation".
But as I look at the list above, freedom suddenly shifts from a national level to a personal one. From this perspective, the situation looks much brighter.
1. I have an incredible amount of autonomy (look at me, moving to Sweden on a whim!);
2. I have a high self-esteem (some might argue arrogance—but who cares about those peons?);
3. I have equal rights (except for the right to marry a woman, which the lack of males to date is driving me to consider);
4. I fully embrace my right to dissent (just look at my history with this Master's program);
5. I like to think that I'm open-minded. At least, I can look back and see dramatic shifts in my opinions as my awareness about issues grew. And on some issues, I choose to stand my ground; and
6. Finally, as an American, it's my right and responsibility to challenge the things I disagree with (oh, how long that list is getting!) and I think I do a good job of making my voice heard (in fact, I made an international phone call to the Maryland Governor's office today to tell him to sign some pending legislation).
That's freedom, baby.
[Incidentally, this is the last of the "basic human needs" entries. I'm now accepting other ideas for the next introspective series.]
Posted by madchen at 10:28 PM | Comments (1)April 25, 2005
Basic Human Needs - Identity
Basic Human Need: Identity.
Being (qualities): sense of belonging, self-esteem, consistency.
Having (things): language, religions, work, customs, values, norms.
Doing (actions): get to know oneself, grow, commit oneself.
Interacting (settings): places one belongs to, everyday settings.
Over the past few years, I've been questioning my identity. I suppose this is part and parcel of the "quarter-life crisis". I've been trying to find my place in this world, trying to decide what kind of person I want to be, and trying to make choices and create opportunities that will allow me to become that person. It's a rough time.
This past year in Sweden has given me a wonderful opportunity to step outside of "normal life" and think deeply about the issue of identity. Setting aside the everyday routine of a job, a home, and a boyfriend (or the search for a boyfriend) has been unique. For that reason alone, the decision to come to Karlskrona has been worth it. In particular, being outside of American culture has given me a chance to critically evaluate its strengths and weaknesses, and decide which parts of it I want to embrace, and which I want to leave behind.
So, what kind of person do I want to be? There are so many aspects of that question that it seems impossible to answer in a few sentences…So, in a repeat of an early blog entry, I will instead phrase it as "I want to be a person who…" Having had a few more months to think about it, I wonder if my answers will have changed at all.
1. I want to be a person who stands up for what she believes is right. Even if my opinions of what "right" is change over time, I want to be able to look back and say that I made informed decisions with the best intentions. I don't want to look back and think, "I wish I had taken a stand, rather than sitting back and waiting for others to act."
2. I want to be a person who knows herself. Dealing honestly with myself is a challenge. On the one hand, I think I am fairly self-critical. On the other hand, I consciously choose not to acknowledge certain issues because I know they will lead to emotional angst. I have a hard time justifying the choice to open myself up to that kind of intense reflection without seeing a substantial reward of some kind.
3. I want to be actively involved in my local community. Even if I choose to move around every few years, I want to be a part of the neighborhood. I want to go to town hall meetings, sit on the board of public works, be a "local" at the coffee shop around the corner, and I want have my neighbors over for BBQs every summer.
4. I want to be a person who takes calculated risks. I don't want to be staid, but neither do I want to be a foolish risk-taker. I want to critically evaluate situations and make the bold choice. At the same time, I want to be a planner who makes sure that there is a secure safety net in place, just in case that bold choice is a disaster.
5. I want to be a good friend. Ahh—here's the hardest one. I have a feeling that I might not be a very good friend. The problem is that I usually don't feel like I need to make any extra effort—especially when I realize that I make more effort than a lot of the others in my group of friends. (Actually, at some point I should really define "friend"—I think that a lot of my old friendships, especially those from high school have faded to mere acquaintances.) And yet, I can immediately identify those friends who DO take the extra time to keep up (EF and AA, that's you!!), and I admire them immensely for it. I need to find better ways to be a good friend, especially from afar.
6. I want to be an "citizen of the world". If the conference in Austria taught me nothing else, it's that language is essential. One of my first priorities when I finish this program will be to enroll in a language class, wherever I am. In fact, I might stay for the summer in Salzburg and take some immersion German—if the job doesn't come through.
And now, a new and improved list of THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE.
(The previous list was lost somewhere in London, but I know that several items have since been accomplished, including skydiving, lasik eye surgery, and living abroad.)
1. Learn to speak German fluently.
2. Learn to speak Spanish proficiently.
3. Visit Macchu Pichu. (And learn how to spell it correctly.)
4. Go on an African safari.
5. Write a book.
6. Get a Ph.D.
7. Go on a solo vacation.
8. Run a 5k.
9. See all 7 continents.
10. Learn to swim laps.
I'm sure there are other, better things to add to this list, but I think I'm satisfied for tonight.
Posted by madchen at 09:13 PM | Comments (2)April 14, 2005
Basic Human Needs - Creation
Basic Human Need: Creation
Being (qualities): imagination, boldness, inventiveness, curiosity.
Having (things): abilities, skills, work, techniques.
Doing (actions): invent, build, design, work, compose, interpret.
Interacting (settings): spaces for expression, workshops, audiences.
My greatest creation this year has definitely been my blog. In the past couple of years, I had kept a private journal with great regularity. I found that it helped me to mentally organize my time, review the day's events, and revel in my less-kind instincts. Going public, as I did last July, was a big step.
Yet in some ways, my blog is very much the same as my old private journals. Lots of the time, I just write about what I did that day. No deep feelings, no personal revelations. For one thing, although it might be less interesting to read, the "chronicle" approach has been helpful when I've needed to look back and remember what I was doing on a particular day. How long did Jim and I date? When did I first begin to sense my dissatisfaction with the program? Are there trends in my mood that I should be aware of?
In other ways, though, this blog has challenged me to be creative. At the beginning of this year I made the following New Year's Resolution:
I will update my journal regularly, and make a special effort to write about things other than my daily routine. The "journal" issue is something I've been struggling with for the last month or so. I wish I could be more thoughtful about my writing, but there are a couple of things holding me back.
- First, a public journal (which my parents, friends, and classmates can read) is a little intimidating--I know I am self-censoring at some level. In my previous private journals, there is discussion at a more intimate level. I would like to be this honest in my blog, but I worry that I will offend people--particularly my parents. If I decide to be completely honest (which I think would be more rewarding in the long run), I have to deal with the potential disgust from readers.
- Second, there is an inherent tension between recording my daily activities (which I *do* find important) and delving into deeper issues. I just don't have a commitment to writing for hours and hours each day, and I'm not sure how to make the most out of my writing time.
- Third, there are issues that I need to address, but that I just don't want to deal with. I'm even reluctant to mention them here, because committing them to paper (or computer memory) indicates that I realize they are important and have some responsibility to address. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Since January, I've made a conscious attempt to make good on this resolution. But how well have I done?
- Well, I've certainly achieved a better balance of introspection and a daily recitation of events. But now I kind of miss having a detailed record of my humdrum existence. Not that I do much around here—just thesis work, watching Alias with Roya, and…well…that's about it.
- I think I'm being more honest, although there are still issues that I don't even begin to address. Again, I'm hesitant to even commit them to paper. At some point, there will need to be a reckoning, but for now, I'm content to be in Egypt.
Beyond the blog, I think I've done a really great job at finding other ways to be creative. Hooking up with the Saratoga Foundation was a great opportunity to further explore women's rights in Africa and, more recently, to try my hand at op-ed writing (we just submitted it to a local NY paper). Working as a volunteer has given me a great deal of freedom to pursue my own interests within a structured environment, which is my favorite medium.
And, of course, my thesis work is another way I'm fulfilling my basic human need for creation. Although I'm working in a team, I'm basically the one driving the process (for better and for worse), so I feel a sense of responsibility to create something lasting and meaningful.
As I look to the future, I am realizing that I need to find a job that allows me the opportunity to create something. In some ways, it's very important for me to feel ownership over what I do, so that I can step back and say *I* did this. Whether that means having the time to keep volunteering, or getting published, or doing some home renovation (after I find a home, of course), creation will be vital to my happiness.
Posted by madchen at 01:41 AM | Comments (0)April 09, 2005
Basic Human Needs - Leisure
Basic Human Need: Leisure
Being (qualities): imagination, tranquility, spontaneity.
Having (things): games, parties, peace of mind.
Doing (actions): day-dream, remember, relax, have fun.
Interacting (settings): landscapes, intimate spaces, places to be alone.
Of all the things I have going for me here in Sweden, leisure has to be at the top of the list. This semester has been virtually free of any scheduled activities. We have an occasional optional class, but my time is mostly my own. And I LOVE IT.
I love working on a schedule conducive to my bizarre circadian rhythms. I have known for years that my most productive times are between 10 p.m. and 3 a.m. Unfortunately, not a lot of jobs (unless I want to work the swing shift at the local gas station) have that flexibility. This semester, I've been able to work as late as I want, and then sleep practically the whole day. It's even been somewhat of an advantage, since I'm often trying to correspond with people in the United States, who are 6 hours behind me.
I love having a schedule that permits me to be spontaneous. My trip with Lisa to the Baltic was planned a mere 4 days before we actually left. I decided to go to Austria with Mandy after looking at the conference schedule for under 10 minutes. I'm only here in Sweden for another couple months, after all. I need to pack in as much traveling as possible.
I love having a group of friends that plan BBQs, potluck dinners, bonfires, and the like. Tomorrow, for example, the girls are all going to the Badhaus to enjoy the spa-like pamperings of the different temperature pools. Afterwards, the entire class is invited over to Birte and Tomomi's for a mini-class on back exercises.
My only semi-complaint is that I miss having my own place. While Jess and Roya are great, I greatly anticipate my next apartment. It will be sparkling clean, with two cats and plenty of naked time.
Posted by madchen at 07:17 PM | Comments (3)April 04, 2005
Basic Human Needs - Participation
Being (qualities): receptiveness, dedication, sense of humor.
Having (things): responsibilities, duties, work, rights.
Doing (actions): cooperate, dissent, express opinions.
Interacting (settings): associations, parties, churches, neighborhoods.
The next main question is about participation. Here in Sweden, I think that participation is one of my most-fulfilled needs. My classmates have provided me with such a sense of community. Their receptiveness to me, their dedication to the program, and their overall sense of humor has sustained me through what might have been a difficult transition away from the "real world".
Similarly, while I have been unemployed for almost a year, I feel like school (and particularly my thesis) has continued to provide me with responsibility, duty, work and rights.
And above all, this year has taught me the importance of cooperation and dissent—and how welcoming it is to have a group of friends that allow you to express opinions and then think them through together.
As I look to the next couple of months, I will be deciding on a bunch of life-changing things: where to live, what job to take, etc. Having two job interviews this week, I want to keep in mind that participation is essential. I need to have a job (and choose a place to live) where I have a real opportunity to engage in "big" issues. And right now, I just don't have a feeling about these potential jobs—one way or the other.
Photo Credit: This one is Kevin's (again), taken during last November's class trip to northern Sweden.
Posted by madchen at 12:21 AM | Comments (0)March 11, 2005
Basic Human Needs - Understanding
Fundamental | Being | Having | Doing | Interacting |
understanding | critical | literature, | analyse, study,meditate | schools, families |
I have understanding coming out my ears. Or, at least, the opportunity to expand my understanding. Let me briefly categorize the ways I understand (not necessarily in order of importance):
School – for all my bitching, this year has been full of personal growth for me. The program itself has been less than engaging, but the frustration with the structure/content of the lectures and assignments have sparked many, many fruitful conversations with classmates. These conversations have had a ripple effect that has come back to me time and time again. And even the structure—yes, I'll admit it—has allowed me the time and space to think about thinks independently. I definitely have a different perspective on life because of this graduate degree and its effects.
Volunteering – although I haven't devoted much time to it lately, I have found volunteering to be highly complementary to my understanding. Volunteering for the Saratoga Foundation for Women Worldwide has allowed me to pursue a topic I have long been interested in (but never done a lot of work on)—women's human rights. Even better, the project work was flexible enough to let me be even more specific—I wanted to look at human rights in
Blog – perhaps more than anything else, the act of keeping an online journal has increased my capacity for understanding. Just the routine of sitting down—to note the events of the day, to explain my frustrations and victories, and to chronicle this amazing Swedish adventure—has been eye-opening. I feel like I am more likely to be conscious of my actions and their motivations when I journal, and the added accountability of a public journal has brought additional benefits.
Writing Club – having just finished a meeting with the members of my little writing club, I am full of enthusiasm for group writing. Over the past month, I have had multiple interesting, deep, contrary, and wonderful conversations about life's big issues. Just tonight we covered the concept of leadership (Is it intentional? Can you choose not to be a leader? When is the burden too much?), the theory of non-violence (Is it better to life according to your principles or to get something accomplished? What if people's lives are at stake? Are there situations where violence really is justified? If so, doesn't this condone the idea that violence is acceptable?), bread-making (Laura made an excellent "health bread" to contribute to the evening's meal), the reality of common-space living (how do you deal with different standards of cleanliness), circadian rhythms (why do I stay up until 4 a.m. when Laura gets up at 6:30 a.m?), and others. I love being able to have these stimulating conversations and then spend time thinking about them independently, only to come back and discuss them together at a later date.
In short, this year has been replete with understanding. I will be hard-pressed to find a situation in June that allows me to have this much time for reflection. I will have to carefully consider my options in regard to this basic human need.
March 07, 2005
Basic Human Needs - Affection
Fundamental | Being | Having | Doing | Interacting |
affection | respect, sense | friendships, | share, take care of, | privacy, |
Now we get to the interesting stuff. Do I have physical and emotional affection? Clearly, I am less than fulfilled in this area, as compared to subsistence and security. Let me count the ways:
Well, first off, I have to admit that I have the opportunity to receive respect and generosity in my current situation. My classmates are wonderful people (well, most of them) and I feel lucky to have made such good friend with a number of them. In addition, I have a strong group of friends from my other lives (high school, two previous jobs, etc.) plus a family that provides me with ample emotional affection.
Second, I often get to express my sense of humor (and this, I suppose, results from a sense of security, freedom, and creativity), and take great pleasure in the humor of my friends and family. In fact, I was lying awake laughing out loud last night, remembering a funny thing that my sister had done once. I love when things stay funny years down the road.
As for physical affection…well…let's just say the well has been dry for a while. In general, I'm okay with the idea of not dating anyone (or having wild hook-ups with Swedish strangers). On the other hand, I'm holding out hope that my love life will pick back up again when I come back to the
"Relationship with nature" is also listed above, and I'm not quite sure how it's related to affection, but whatever. The weather lately has been so snowy and wet that I have shirked my commitment to go outdoors. The most I get these days is a 10 minute walk down the hill when I miss the bus (I can catch the bus down two stops down at Willy:s, so it's a nice opportunity to stretch my legs instead of waiting in the bus vestibule). Sadly, it doesn't look like it's going to warm up anytime soon, which is VERY, VERY bad. Staying inside has placed me near the kitchen. In the last month I have gained 4 pounds and my face is VERY, VERY fat. I won't even describe the rest of me. As a result, the possibilities of physical affection are even more remote.
So, to sum up, I need to get my act in gear. I need to get outside more, which will help me be more active, which will get me out of the kitchen, which will make me more attractive, which will get me more men. Ahh, men. It's hard to generate that much enthusiasm for cats.
Posted by madchen at 12:43 AM | Comments (0)March 03, 2005
Basic Human Needs - Protection
Fundamental | Being | Having | Doing | Interacting |
protection | care, | social security, | co-operate, | social environment, |
The next installment of "Jennifer's Basic Human Needs" is protection (also called security in some texts). Protection is about feel safe, both physically and emotionally. I know I have adequate protection/security when I have care, adaptability, and autonomy. Let's examine each of these:
Care – Do I have access to care? Well, I have been fortunate enough not to need my travelers insurance while I've been here in
Adaptability – Despite (or maybe because of) a nasty adjustment phase my senior year of high school, I think I have a high degree of adaptability. After all, I picked up and moved to
Autonomy – I believe that my high degree of autonomy relies heavily on a strong sense of care and adaptability. Because I have secure financial resources (at least for now…every day the bank account dwindles), a feeling of physical security (the sketchiness of Kungsmarksvägen notwithstanding), and the ability to adapt to changing circumstances, I feel quite free to make my own choices. I suppose this is most evident in my decision to drop everything and move to
So what is the conclusion? My basic human need for protection is more than adequately met. I feel safe and secure in my present situation—and this leads me to believe that I have the opportunity to continue that trend into the future. And looking ahead to the other categories, I believe that freedom, participation, and affection are essential components of my optimism for a secure future.
February 24, 2005
Basic Human Needs - Subsistence
Fundamental | Being | Having | Doing | Interacting |
subsistence | physical and | food, shelter | feed, clothe, | living environment, |
Subsistence is about physical and mental health. By meeting my most basic human need for food, water, and shelter, I am meeting my need for subsistence. At the beginning of this exercise into my wealth and poverty, I would estimate that the need for subsistence is the one I meet most easily.
First, thoughts about my current state of subsistence. I was lucky enough to have a strong foundation of economic stability. My parents were able to provide a middle-class lifestyle that, while it did not include new cars and fancy vacations, taught us about economic trade-offs and budgeting. I was fortunate that my parents paid for my college education, contributed to my graduate education, and continues to stand by in case of emergency. As for myself, I am finally standing on my own, with money in the bank that is financing my year in
Because I have money (not a lot, but enough), I have the capacity to meet my subsistence needs. To be truthful, I should really be examining whether or not I have overindulged in subsistence-related things. Of all the needs listed by Max-Neef, I imagine that "subsistence" is the one that most people in American have met and exceeded. Let me do a quick personal check-up.
- Water – I have access to clean, plentiful water whenever I want it. Currently, I don't pay for water (and even when I did, it was a pittance), yet I can take long showers, brush my teeth, and wash dishes without worrying about whether I am squandering drinking water. I have improved on this issue lately (now I turn off the water while I brush my teeth and I'm trying to take quicker showers), but much remains to be done. Along these same lines, I don't anticipate water being a subsistence issue in the future.
- Food – if anything, I have too much food. What I need to do is re-evaluate the choices of food I eat. Like most Americans, I eat too much starch and fat, and not enough fresh produce and fiber. I know that this will be struggle for the rest of my life, since I don't anticipate apples suddenly tasting better than chocolate. But at the same time, I don't anticipate food being scarce in the future, so I'm not worried about starving.
- Shelter – for all my complaining about Kungsmarken, I am lucky to have an apartment that is moderately priced, with free heat, and two bathrooms. And even though I would rather live by myself, I am fortunate to have roommates that are fun, even if they are messy.
- Clothing – again, my problem is too much clothing, rather than the opposite. Here, though, I have to wonder if too much clothing is really a problem. Yes, I suppose it just feeds a materialistic society and a vicious consumer cycle. But come on! I go through cycles of clothes buying. My last fun shopping splurge was this past summer, and then there was a warm-clothes spree when I got to
- Work – I'm not quite sure why "work" is on the list of subsistence actions. Maybe because work leads to income, which allows us to purchase the satisfiers for subsistence needs. At any rate, this is the big one for me right now. Because I'm in school, I am devoting my "work" time to my thesis. While this "work" is intellectually stimulating, it is not contributing to my income (the reverse is actually true), nor can I reasonably say that it is better preparing me to generate income. In fact, the more I look at this program, the less I think it will help me in finding a job later on. I would almost certainly have been better off staying at my previous job until I found another one, rather than going to school. But on the other hand, living overseas certainly has its allure on the resume, so maybe I'll get lucky. It's too soon to know for sure, but I'm not feeling optimistic that this program will help me find work in June.
The overall findings: I am meeting my needs for subsistence, and have an excellent chance of meeting them in the future. Because I actually overindulge in most "subsistence" areas, I consider this a "wealth" issue. Perhaps I'm too wealthy and need to cut back a little.
February 22, 2005
Wealth and Poverty
So, last week I started to think about whether or now my current lifestyle is meeting my basic needs. This entry is my first exploration of that topic. I will be using the categories of basic human needs developed by Chilean economist Manfred Max-Neef. Although there are many different categorizations for basic human needs (Malinowski, Maslow, Aldefer,
Max-Neef and his colleagues have developed a taxonomy of human needs and a process by which communities can identify their "wealths" and "poverties" according to how these needs are satisfied.
The main contribution that Max-Neef makes to the understanding of needs is the distinction made between needs and satisfiers. Human needs are seen as few, finite and classifiable (as distinct from the conventional notion that "wants" are infinite and insatiable). Not only this, they are constant through all human cultures and across historical time periods. What changes over time and between cultures is the way these needs are satisfied. It is important that human needs are understood as a system - i.e. they are interrelated and interactive. There is no hierarchy of needs (apart from the basic need for subsistence or survival) as postulated by Western psychologists such as Maslow, rather, simultaneity, complementarity and trade-offs are features of the process of needs satisfaction.
Max-Neef classifies the fundamental human needs as: subsistence, protection, affection, understanding, participation, recreation (in the sense of leisure, time to reflect, or idleness), creation, identity and freedom. Needs are also defined according to the existential categories of being, having, doing and interacting, and from these dimensions, a 36 cell matrix is developed which can be filled with examples of satisfiers for those needs.