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November 19, 2007
How to Host an Orgy
(It has come to my attention that my dad may read this blog. Starting today, I will endeavor to use more explanatory titles so that he—and my other delicate readers—can exercise judgment about whether to continue on…I assume that today's title is self-explanatory enough, no?)
So last week started like any other. Working on the Big Idea, having lunch with friends, a few IMs—and then all of a sudden I had 18 hours to pull together an orgy. Go figure.
As you might imagine, I was wracked with indecision. What is the optimum time to begin an orgy? What kind of alcohol should be served? Should prophylactics be prominently displayed on the coffee table, or hidden away in a drawer? Would people want snacks?*
It was a weekday, and so I had limited time at my disposal. I took care of the immediate requirements—shaving my legs, going to the liquor store, swinging by the Whole Foods for some last-minute groceries, etc. The major stuff taken care of, I wandered around the block full of ambiguity. Then, it came to me in a flash, and I dashed to the spa and got a pedicure—completely neglecting to save time to vacuum the New Place. It was later pointed out to me that, in an orgy situation, few people are looking at your toes whereas the cleanliness of your carpet is of the utmost importance.**
* 10 p.m., wine and vodka, on the coffee table, no.
** That's not true at all. In an orgy situation, you could be stuck to the floor with gum and not notice it.
Comments
O. M. G. Things I didn't know before, and are now clear.
p.s. you are quite a catch.
Posted by: mr bad apologies at November 19, 2007 10:57 PM
Perhaps you should have rented Nina Hartley's Guide to the Perfect Orgy.
http://www.avclub.com/content/blog/blogging_the_perfect_orgy
Posted by: jason at November 20, 2007 08:16 AM
