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July 08, 2007
Crazy
You know that incredibly adorable commercial where the little girl chatters in nonsensical delight while her dad buckles her into the car? The one that gives your reproductive organs a little lurch everytime you see that achingly sweet microcosm of life with a small child?
Achingly sweet, that is, until that 30-second spot turns into the reality of a 48-hour monologue complete with regular updates on why you are not as nice as Grandma, not as fun as Grandad, and how everything in the world will be right once mommy and daddy get back from Portugal.
In short, Janie is driving me crazy. Between the hysterical crying jags (I MISS MY MOMMY AND DADDY!!! WHY DO GRANDMA AND GRANDAD HAVE TO GO TO A PARTY??? WHY CAN'T THE PARTY BE HERE??? I MISS MY PARENTS!!!) and the sullen sulking fits are moments where every possible thing going on in the whole universe needs to be observed and commented upon. There has not been a single 2-minute gap of silence in this house for DAYS, and I am seriously considering puncturing my eardrums just to get a little peace.
I would do it, too, except the thought of having to answer approximately three hundred twenty-seven thousand, six hundred and ninety-four questions along the lines of aunt jen what happened to your ears? aunt jen, does that hurt? aunt jen, one time i hurt my ear and it was WAY worse that that just makes me want to skip ahead and kill myself.
Janie, when you read this years from now, I want you to fully understand that tonight, in the midst of your misery and heartache, I was missing your parents WAY MORE THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY FATHOM. Hell, I practically called Portugal to insist that your parents get on a plane this very instant...and if they could crash land on our house and put my out of my misery, well that would just be a bonus.
(Not that there haven't been moments of amusement, like the conversation Janie and I just had...it begins as I'm about 30 seconds away from losing my temper and locking her in a small closet...)
Ay dios mio!
"Aunt Jen, what does that mean?"
It means 'oh my goodness'.
"In horse language?"
No, in Spanish.
"Oh, I see. How would you say it in horse language?"
And this one...
"Aunt Jen, I am going to miss you when I go on my trip."
Are you going to cry every night when it's time to go to bed, and wail I WANT MY AUNT JEN!!?
"Well...no. But I will probably cry I WANT MY GRANDMA!"
What? You are an ingrate!
"Aunt Jen, it's nothing personal. It's just the way things are."
[Fifteen minutes, and thirty-seven topics of conversation later...]
"Aunt Jen, what is an ingrate?
Comments
Okay, drama queen...take a breath and look at the lovely photograph of you and sweet Janie below this entry and tell me again how monstrous she is?!
If only I could speak in horse language...maybe my days at work would make more sense.
Posted by: ada at July 9, 2007 08:55 AM
