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June 04, 2007
This Relationship Just Isn't Working
Dearest,
We've been through a lot together, and what I'm about to say is more difficult than I could have imagined. I'm just not happy anymore. And it's not fair to you, and it's not fair to me, so I think we should call it quits.
I loved you for a long time—longer than I like to admit to myself. I loved you as a psychopath, as a reformed neo-Nazi, as an American Vice President, and as a magician. I even loved you during the dark days when you took revenge on a rhino you felt had wronged you in some way that I never really understood. I adore your commitment to sustainable development and renewable energy, and I feel lucky to know that you are involved in local causes near to my heart. I still rank you and Brad as my all-time top threesome, and I thought your washboard abs circa 2001 were some of the hottest I've ever seen.
But sometimes dazzling talent, a social conscience, and a killer physique just aren't enough. For one thing, I have too long overlooked your philandering. In addition, I am less-than-pleased with your facial hair choices of late. The little goatee…really?
I know this must be coming as a shock to you, and I can't explain myself more accurately than to simply state that I am not happy the way I used to be. You are distant, you don't make time for me, and your career doesn't seem to include the family I've always pictured. And while I used to be happy to just admire you from the shadows…I need more than that now.
No, no, please don't blame yourself. You are immensely talented and I don't want to stand in your way. You are destined for great things, and I'll be proud to watch your path and know that in some small way I was there along for the ride.
Oh my, please stop crying—you KNOW how that makes me uncomfortable. Really, a Kleenex? Please, for both of our sakes, pull it together. There is no use begging. I've made up my mind. You know, perhaps you should just go. It's better this way, I promise.
I'm sure we'll run into each other occasionally—at the movies, or the video rental. But don't look back, my darling. Just pretend like you never knew me—go on about your daily life and keep that chin up. I know it will be hard, but it's the only way.
Yours always,
Ms. Write Again Soon
Comments
Does this mean Ed Norton is off theknot.com as Groom 2008? Who has replaced your one-time love?
Posted by: Elizabeth at June 4, 2007 10:51 AM
