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June 28, 2007
Punished
Apparenty, God doesn't like people who compare heaven to a Four Season's Resort--especially when the resort comes out on top. In the last 36 hours, my life has not exactly been a cakewalk.*
First, I sliced my finger open trying to access a box of reports that were sealed tighter than my knees in the 10th grade. The resulting injury was more than a paper cut, since you could practically see the severed nerve dangling in the wind.
Then, I flubbed my presentation, a little workshop to, oh, say 60 people. (Actually, everyone thought it was great and told me so later, but I walked back to my chair afterwards wondering if the client regretted hiring me.)
And just now I got off the phone with a vendor for the Big Idea. A vendor with whom I'm trying to sever all ties. A vendor with whom I *should* be able to sever all ties, but who it trying to screw me over by pointing out that my contract auto-renewed on 6/4 and I didn't send my formal notice until 6/13, despite the fact that their customer service agent told me that we would have a chance to review all the settings before the next renewal phase.
Obviously, we are both to blame but I find it particularly irritating to have the guy on the other end of the phone try to tell me that I'm now obligated to them for another year at the cost of more than $6,000 when he clearly has no interest in working this out amiably. And by amiably, I mean immediately severing all ties so that I don't have to take them to court.
Because when you get right down to it, the contract clearly states that I can cancel the contract at any time because of technical reasons--which are precisely why I went with another service provider last month. A service provider who has given me zero technical problems, and who costs 1/6 of the mean and ugly vendor that is now claiming that I cannot cancel my contract because I did so based on the price of the alternate vendor and not the technical difficulties that have been plaguing me for the last 2 months.
So that's it. I hereby withdraw all of my former claims about the superiority of the Four Seasons Resort, and assert publicly that heaven is surely a more sumptuous, more delightful place. Now that we have it all straightened out, God, if you could stop my finger from bleeding, restore my public speaking skills, and send this vendor to Hell, I would greatly appreciate it.
* I will admit that it hasn't been all bad. I got a date for Jess's wedding and received a lovely massage at the hotel spa. And I plan on taking a nap in a few minutes, which is always a treat.
Posted by madchen at 01:25 PM | Comments (0)June 27, 2007
Saved Not By My Acts
For a long time I have struggled with my faith. Raised a Southern Baptist, my fall from grace was hard and fast and left me wondering about the nature of God and his relationship to mankind. But here, today, I am pleased to say that I have found the true meaning of life, a transcendental bliss that exceeds all others.
Yes dear reader, heaven is on earth, and it's a mere two hour drive from Vancouver. Tucked away in the snow-capped mountains of the Whistler-Blackcomb Resort, the Four Seasons Hotel is a place so glorious that I'm pretty sure angels whisper about it in awe behind Jesus' back.
My hotel room cannot justifiably be called a room. It's more a suite fit for a king, with handsome and tastefully appointed furniture, crisp white sheets of a thread count higher than my bank account, a glassed-in shower with massaging showerhead (with a separate gleaming bathtub calling out for a long soak), and even a gas fireplace by which I am sitting at this moment, feet propped up on an ottoman I would try to sneak home if I wasn't sure it exceeded carry-on baggage restrictions.
There is classical music playing in the background, the lighting is flattering and indirect (except for the 10X magnifying mirror in the bathroom which points out every pore and unplucked eyebrow, and gently points one towards the spa menu), and there is even a welcome gift waiting on my bed from my Big Idea client.
The landscape of Whistler is stunning, at least what I could see from our tented barbeque dinner out on the veranda. Several of the clients played the golf course, where they spotted a mother bear and cub. There is a heated outdoor pool, with requisite Jacuzzis and steam rooms, and enough space in my room to do vigorous calisthenics, if one were so inclined.
Walking into the sumptuous and yet understated lobby for check-in, my gaze fell over the nightly rate. I was surprised at how reasonable it was for such a luxury, but figured that it must be the off-season. It was only later that I noticed the daily room rate on the inside of the closet (which alone was equal to a studio apartment I once rented in college). Apparently, down in the lobby I had missed a decimal point—these rooms are (per night) half again as expensive as the monthly mortgage for my old condo.
I don't care if it is extravagant. I don't care if the gulf between have and have-not is widening. I am giddy with delight, with an enormous and unprofessional grin on my face. I feel like I have slipped in unaware, and get to hide out in this wonderland until I'm caught.
And I might never go back.
June 24, 2007
Vulnerable
Today I took my relationship with Mr. HSBF to a whole new level. We were intimate in a way that is usually reserved for serious couples with an explicit commitment. For a few hours, we looked deep into each other's soul, and as he dropped me off tonight I felt as though a bond of trust and mutual respect tied us together.
Yes, dear reader, today we went to IKEA. And then to Home Depot.
Cookbooks and carpet were purchased, California Tortilla was visited as a reviving pause in the buying spree, and I rode home squished into one corner of his SUV as I warily waited for the 12 feet of rolled up carpet to go flying out the back window into the onslaught of Beltway traffic. Thanksfully, we were spared that trauma, and I happily trotted off to my tennis match while he went home to admire his new purchases.
Posted by madchen at 11:39 PM | Comments (0)June 22, 2007
Wastin' Away Again in Margaritaville
I'm still in Key West.
Yes, dear readers, my flight got cancelled. No reason was given, although the general consensus based on anecdotal evidence (derived from the water cooler at my client's office) is that American Airlines is randomly cancelling flights that aren't fully booked. Bad American Airlines. Very, very bad.
Bad because it means that I have to hang out here for another 2 hours--not enough time to throw on a bathing suit and lap up some more sun, but not quick enough to just go to the airport (a 2-gate building where "dilapidated" is a kind adjective) and wait it out.
Bad because it means I won't get back to DC until 10 p.m., meaning that I won't get back to my house until 11 p.m.--thus messing up my evening plans with a gentleman caller.
Bad because it is not the way it's supposed to be. Bad because I said so.
Posted by madchen at 02:30 PM | Comments (1)June 19, 2007
Let's Get Drunk and Screw
I'm in Key West this week, where it's a different world. There is no internet access at my hotel (hence the lack of interesting updates), the entire island lost power for 15 minutes this afternoon, and there is always time for a margarita.
Even though I'm working today with a client I'm coated in SPF 45, since I got a little pink walking back and forth to my hotel yesterday. I've been wined and dined by some of Key West's most prominent citizens, and am thoroughly enjoying the pleasures of Duvall Street.
I think I *might* be enjoying myself a bit more if I was partaking of alcoholic beverages. Currently, that is a big no-no, and it makes me a bit sad to walk home past all of the bars each night and know that I will not be following the Key West mantra of "let's get drunk and screw". Sad for me.
Posted by madchen at 04:49 PM | Comments (0)June 16, 2007
Rennaisaince Girl
This week I played tennis (where my league put up a good fight, but lost to the other team), softball (where we won, but I walked away with a giant bruise after catching a ball with my shin), and 17 holes of golf (I was a smidge late for tee time and my foursome started without me).
This week I got (mostly) caught up with my Big Idea work, met with some fun colleagues from North Carolina, arranged to be interviewed for a book on people who are doing amazing things, and am in the process of packing for my trip to Key West (for which I will leave the house in approximately 4 hours).
This week started with a parting of ways from Mr. Pilot (who has become a sort of blur in my head), included several evenings spent with Mr. HSBF (who let me pick the movie, volunteered to help me paint my new room, and was revealed to have terrible taste in dining room furniture) and ended with a weekend in the company of Ms. Janie (who lost her front tooth and is now sporting a goofy smile).
This week I got a dress, but lost a date, for Jess's wedding. I caught up on my accounting, paid a very painful set of quarterly taxes, and yet find that I am still in an excellent financial position. I watched some good movies (Proof and Layer Cake), some overly long movies (The Motorcycle Diaries), and am currently watching the final scenes of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner--which makes me get all teary-eyed every time I watch it.
This week has made me realize that I was wrong about some things and right about other things. And it's made me realize that certain things are much more mixed up and complicated than I initially thought--things that can best be decided by laying on a warm and sunny beach for several days. Lucky for me, that's the agenda for next week.
Posted by madchen at 11:05 PM | Comments (0)June 13, 2007
A Sunny Disposition
As I type this entry, I am in the middle of a thunderstorm that is ripping down tree branches left and right. Picture with me, dear reader, the tornado scene from The Wizard of Oz--except that in this case I am not wearing a blue gingham dress, and instead of a small yapping dog I am accompanied by a peacefully snoozing kitty. I may, however, burst into song at any moment--transforming my surroundings from a strange sepia tone into full-on Technicolor. Because that's how I roll.
I am hopeful that my golf date tomorrow is still going to work out, since I would be sad to have cleared my afternoon schedule only to be stuck at home alone and with only my muddy shoes for company. Washingtonpost.com is optimistic--proclaiming a sunny 75 degrees with a light breeze.
I have my doubts, however, since between flashes of lightening and booming thunder, I have observed that the Washingtonpost.com website (updated only 5 minutes ago) says that the current weather is 76 degrees and sunny.
Indeed, I must have missed that ray of sunshine between the raindrops the size of dinner plates.
Posted by madchen at 07:18 PM | Comments (0)June 11, 2007
Third Time's the Charm
I was reluctant to mention it before on my blog, but Mr. Pilot and I got back together about two weeks ago. I approached a third try at our relationship with some trepidation, since the break-up in early May was so painfully gut-wrenching. After some consideration, however, I thought that it was worth giving it another shot. After all, as Ms. ADA pointed out, "Whatever happens, you'll at least know you gave it your all and more than its fair share of chances."
So for the last two weeks we've been back together as a couple. We spent the night at his place a couple of times, did the Virginia Wine Festival last weekend, went to the movies and a lecture this weekend, talked for hours every night, and in general dropped right back into the "relationship" mode.
It was perfect, and just enough time to loosen my guard before getting fucked over again with the "I'm sorry and I wish it were different, but I just don't see a future together" speech, which was delivered at precisely 2:53 p.m. this afternoon.
Unlike last time, dear reader, I will graciously spare you the emotional fallout from this break-up, since I feel it will have little therapeutic value for me (unlike kicking something, which is almost assuredly a more effective recovery method) and little entertainment value for you.
At the same time, please be by your phones for the next few days in case I need to commiserate. Or, more likely, need you to bail me out of jail for disorderly conduct. And vandalism. And possible felony assault.
Posted by madchen at 04:50 PM | Comments (1)June 08, 2007
Things That Made Me Happy This Week
-- Reality checks. Finally, someone has found the balls to stand up and say no thanks, I am too busy leading my country to meet with a sunglass-wearing aging rock star who has somehow managed to become a paragon of world-saving virtue. I'm not saying that AIDS in Africa isn't important and I'm not saying that I don't find the occasional U2 song to be quite catchy, but I am saying that the way world leaders fall all over themselves to meet with Bono is a bit much.
-- The amenities that go with a five star hotel. Ms. Write Again Soon, which newspaper would you like to receive each morning? Ms. Write Again Soon, thank you for your room service order, would you also like to request a wake-up call for tomorrow morning? Just so you're aware, Ms. Write Again Soon, we offer six different kinds of pillows because we know how important a good night's sleep is--just let us know if you'd like someone to bring you a different option.
-- Steam rooms, jacuzzis, and hotel gyms filled with hot young men doing bizarre-yet-entertaining cardio exercises. I don't feel like I need to explain any more, so please just take the next fifteen seconds and picture it with me...
Posted by madchen at 12:55 PM | Comments (0)June 07, 2007
Operation Bigger Idea
I'm having an amazing time out here in Vancouver this week. (Did I say that I was in Vancouver? Because I am.) The work with my client is going really well and even though it turned out to be WAY more work than we anticipated, I think there is a reasonable shot of getting it mostly completed by the time I leave on Saturday.
I'm also really enjoying my Big Idea summer interns who have turned out to be firecrackers. I can't give them assignments fast enough and my clients are amazed at my ability to turnaround projects in record time. I think I might even be figuring out how to be a good manager--although I suppose that is up for debate.
All of this activity makes me think that I might like to be more of a typical CEO, managing the strategic direction of the Big Idea, rather than the worker bee actually doing the day-to-day tasks that for the last two years have completely consumed me.
As I sit here, working late into the evening, I would like to believe that this is the start of a new phase of the Big Idea, one with long term potential to develop into a Bigger Idea. A Bigger Idea that will make me rich. Or at least, a Bigger Idea that will make me enough money to afford a really fancy desk chair.
Posted by madchen at 08:43 PM | Comments (1)June 05, 2007
Run Away Idea
Have you ever convinced yourself of something with absolutely no shred of evidence?
When I was back in college, I once had sex with my boyfriend when the condom broke. Because I was leaving for Christmas vacation in Japan the next week, we wanted to find out immediately if I was pregnant. We made an appointment with my OB-GYN, who took some blood samples but said that even if the test came back negative, it might just be too early to tell.
"Do you feel pregnant?" she asked me.
Up until that very moment I hadn't felt any different than my normal self. But her query made me question everything. Did I feel different? Were there tiny signs that I had missed? I left her office and went back to my apartment--and every two minutes for the next three weeks did a check-in--was I feeling differently? Every emotional surge, every aching muscle--it all seemd to point in one direction. Of course, three weeks went by and I found out I was definitively NOT pregnant, but oh my, I certainly had convinced myself that it was an inevitability.
Fast forward a decade. I'm facing something like that now, although a slightly different situation. I was metaphorically walking along and minding my own business when a random thought occurred to me. It grew like a tumor, and now I've managed to convince myself that it is an indisputable fact--even though there is no evidence to support it.
My brain tells me I'm overreacting, my intuition tells me that something is not quite right. Neither is making a particularly compelling argument. And so I will escape to that very pretty place called denial. Turns out it's not a river in Egypt.
Posted by madchen at 01:07 PM | Comments (3)June 04, 2007
This Relationship Just Isn't Working
Dearest,
We've been through a lot together, and what I'm about to say is more difficult than I could have imagined. I'm just not happy anymore. And it's not fair to you, and it's not fair to me, so I think we should call it quits.
I loved you for a long time—longer than I like to admit to myself. I loved you as a psychopath, as a reformed neo-Nazi, as an American Vice President, and as a magician. I even loved you during the dark days when you took revenge on a rhino you felt had wronged you in some way that I never really understood. I adore your commitment to sustainable development and renewable energy, and I feel lucky to know that you are involved in local causes near to my heart. I still rank you and Brad as my all-time top threesome, and I thought your washboard abs circa 2001 were some of the hottest I've ever seen.
But sometimes dazzling talent, a social conscience, and a killer physique just aren't enough. For one thing, I have too long overlooked your philandering. In addition, I am less-than-pleased with your facial hair choices of late. The little goatee…really?
I know this must be coming as a shock to you, and I can't explain myself more accurately than to simply state that I am not happy the way I used to be. You are distant, you don't make time for me, and your career doesn't seem to include the family I've always pictured. And while I used to be happy to just admire you from the shadows…I need more than that now.
No, no, please don't blame yourself. You are immensely talented and I don't want to stand in your way. You are destined for great things, and I'll be proud to watch your path and know that in some small way I was there along for the ride.
Oh my, please stop crying—you KNOW how that makes me uncomfortable. Really, a Kleenex? Please, for both of our sakes, pull it together. There is no use begging. I've made up my mind. You know, perhaps you should just go. It's better this way, I promise.
I'm sure we'll run into each other occasionally—at the movies, or the video rental. But don't look back, my darling. Just pretend like you never knew me—go on about your daily life and keep that chin up. I know it will be hard, but it's the only way.
Yours always,
Ms. Write Again Soon
