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May 14, 2007
Residual Rage
In the words of Sheryl Crow, I can't cry anymore. Literally. It's like my tear ducts have frozen over and nary a drop can escape.* Instead, I have now moved to a place that can best be described as a "whirling dervish of rage into which you and your loved ones may be sucked at any moment, so perhaps you should think about moving to another state for your own protection and peace of mind".
Yup, I'm angry. And not necessarily in a reasonable way.
Angry in a "can you please stop thinking about yourself for TWO SECONDS and realize that maybe the reason I don't want to spend happy family time together is that I'm trying not to have a breakdown EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF EVERY SINGLE DAY?" sort of way.
Angry in a "how dare you pull that passive/aggressive crap and then have the audacity to be outraged at my behavior, you self-righteous asshole…and the fact that I sort of laughed it off in no way mitigates how very, very sorry you should be" sort of way.
Angry in a "no one really understands my pain, and the way that everyone can go about their daily lives without appreciating the sadness and misery exuding from my every pore just goes to show how shallow and self-absorbed people are these days" sort of way.
As you might imagine, all of this rage isn't going a long way in making friends and influencing people. I'm going to seriously have to consider moving to Africa for a decade of feeding the starving children to rectify this situation. Because moving backwards (crying every 10 minutes) just isn't going to work, and moving forward (retail therapy is the next stage in my grieving process) is bound to be very expensive.
* OK, it's not entirely true that I can't cry anymore. It's more like "I can't make myself cry at the drop of a hat anymore". It's now segued into a more "cry at inopportune times and make those around you immensely uncomfortable". But every day there are fewer incidences, thank goodness. Can I get an amen?
Comments
Amen!
Posted by: Elizabeth at May 14, 2007 06:52 PM
