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May 20, 2007
OFIIDIM Hits a Snag
My birthday has come and gone, and I feel much the same, dear reader. Turns out that twenty-nine isn't some great turning point upon which everything changes. Nope, it's the same old, same old.
Take for example, my new life plan tentatively entitled Operation Fuck It, I'll Do It Myself (OFIIDIM)--a grand roadmap for empowered living, a way to take back my dreary existence and perhaps even accomplish some of my 50 things (which has been woefully neglected as of late).
It's a superb plan. On paper. What I didn't count on what a small child getting in the way. When OFIIDIM meets Janie, it's not so much a contest of wills as a slaughter.
It started when Jessica called me on Thursday and asked if I could babysit Janie on Friday. I said yes, if Janie would agree to go hiking with me. That was my ONE birthday plan, and OFIIDIM demanded that it be fulfilled. Janie agreed, and even showed up at our house with hiking clothes (sneakers, rather than the usual dress up Cinderella shoes) and a backpack.
Friday dawned gray and threatening, and before I was awake for 20 minutes Janie was beggining me not to go hiking. Instead, she claimed that we would have a much better time watching Disney Channel and playing with barbies. She even offered to do my hair.
Side note: dear reader, if a 6-year old ever offers to do your hair, take my advice and run for the hills. Immediately.
In the end, I gave up the hiking idea and convinced her to go to lunch. Sushi is my favorite food, and I thought that at least if I could have sushi for lunch, that would still sort of be like I was taking charge of my own life. OFIIDIM might somehow be saved.
Janie insisted that she only ate sushi on the fourth Friday of every month. Was this the fourth Friday of the month? No? Then she was very sorry, but she just couldn't do it. Even if it was my birthday.
We ended up at Cosi, where I ate a very-poor-substitute-for-sushi salad and Janie ate half of a kid's pepperoni pizza. We spent the next 90 minutes down the street in a paint-your-own-pottery class where we painted perhaps the most expensive plant holders I've ever encountered. (Since you have to wait for a week for the pieces to be kilned, you'll have to wait until next weekend to see pictures, at which time I think you will agree that no one in our family is destined to be the next Renoir.)
After that great adventure, we went back to Cosi for what Janie termed "a birthday dessert": s'mores. OFIIDIM took another step backwards, since I HATE s'mores. But after six quality hours with Janie, my will had been sapped and I simply led her lead me around by the hand as she assured me that this time I would like them.
I didn't, but at least we were mercifully approaching the time when I could drive her back home, relinquish her to the vagaries of cable television, and take a nap. But before I could do that, I had to appease the tiny voice that was whispering deep in my soul. Yes, dear reader, it turned out that OFIIDIM wasn't dead, just maimed, and it would not go peacefully.
In a last ditch effort to exert some control over my life, I called my mom to confirm that she hadn't purchased my gift yet, and then I decided to take matters into my own hands. I dragged Janie to the Apple Store where I purchsed a shiny new iPod Shuffle in record time.
I marched back to the car and drove us home with a feeling of pride. I had fought a battle of wills with Janie and I had not been demolished! I had wanted an iPod Shuffle and dammit, I went out and got one. There couldn't be a more perfect example of OFIIDIM in action.
Although...when I woke up from my nap that afternoon, I looked over and groggily realized that I have never intended to get a PINK iPod Shuffle. Apparently, Janie had made a very compelling case during the purchasing process that pink was really the only way to go.
Comments
I applaud Janie's choice of iPod colors. Now when you decide to streamline your iPods, like you did your shoes, it'll match my phone :0)
Posted by: ada at May 20, 2007 10:08 PM
I spoke to Janie about her non-compliance on your birthday, and her only defense was a wide-eyed "It was raining!"
Posted by: jessica at May 21, 2007 07:20 PM
