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May 02, 2007
End of the Chapter
It is over with Mr. Pilot.
It was one of those sad and quiet break-ups where it feels numb and cold and empty -- and also hot and tight and violently sickening, like someone just stuck his arm down your throat, grabbed your fluttering heart, and ripped it from your broken body.
He cried, I cried, we wondered if we were capable of deciding what a "good relationship" entailed, we briefly discussed being friends, and then I told him that I couldn't see him anymore. Ever. He drove away nine hours and three minutes ago.
After 7 months of dating--the longest I've dated someone in nearly a decade--he had become a really good friend and what hurts me the most today is that I don't have his shoulder to cry on and his advice to seek. The last nine hours are full of things I want to share with him, text messages I want to send, IMs I want to write, phone calls I want to make. But I've decided that a quick and agonizing loss is better than a long drawn-out pseudo-friendship in which I'd always be trying to be the girl with the "something" he thinks is missing.
The really shitty part is that since work is so busy these days, I'm going to have to fit my sobbing jags into 8 minute between-meeting increments. Or like now, when my typing skills don't require being able to see the computer screen through blurry tears.
Comments
UG! I'm sorry! Interesting insight about the problem with trying to be friends. Sorry it has to be so abrupt. :(
Posted by: bad apologies at May 2, 2007 11:40 AM
Wait, did he break up with you or was it mutual? So confused since only a few entries ago you recounted how well things were going. I hope you feel better :(
Posted by: nycrouge at May 2, 2007 12:15 PM
That's just crappy. I'm sorry.
Posted by: La at May 2, 2007 01:26 PM
