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March 26, 2007
Pendulum
On the one hand, spring has finally arrived and the trees surrounding my house are covered in buds. It's warm enough to work with my windows open, and yesterday I even wore a skirt that exposed my bare (and pale and white) legs to the world. On the other hand, my spring allergies have arrived with a vengence, and when I'm not sneezing, I'm looking for a kleenex in order to be better prepared for the next sneeze, which is only a few minutes around the corner.
On the one hand, I'm thrilled with the way the Big Idea is coming along. In the last week alone, I've gotten several new potential clients and I'm finally getting a sense that financial security is something I can count on. On the other hand, I've got more work than I can handle, and in moments when I'm totally honest with myself I have to admit that I need to cut back on my social life to continue this successful trend.
On the one hand, I'm happy to be living in this house, where I have lots of room for my 46 pairs of shoes and an absurd number of books. On the other hand, I am dying to get my own place--even if the thought of moving again (on top of everything else that's going on) gives me hives.
On the one hand, I look around at my life so far and am very satisfied. I've gotten two Master's degrees, have a great resume, and am doing something that I love (and am good at). I have good friends who care about me, and I'm beginning to feel like I might be a good friend too. On the other hand, I look around and wonder if I'm falling behind. Where I used to be the amazingly talented young thing that clawed her way up to play with the adults, now I'm just one of the 30-somethings getting through the day, and even then ending the day without a significant other to commiserate with. It makes me want to stop everything for a month and go to Botswana to count hippos or something--just to prove I'm still creative and ambitious and unpredictable.
On the one hand, I think that these mood swings are a sign that there are bigger problems looming in the future--that these twinges of unhappiness are signals of BIG trouble to come. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure that it's just the hormones talking, and that in 3 days I will be back to my normal self.
Comments
There is no such thing as behind.
Besides, you are hurtling toward something new (new challenges, new ideas, new places, new people) every day. Enjoy it.
Posted by: La at March 26, 2007 07:34 PM
I'm down for the Botswana trip. Holla!
Posted by: Elizabeth at March 28, 2007 08:31 AM
How did you come out after the 3-day count?
Also, since WHEN were you one of the 30-somethings? That really freaked me out for a second.
Posted by: mr ba at April 2, 2007 11:19 AM
