« Orson's Shadow at the Roundhouse Theatre | Main | Private Conversations »
February 01, 2007
I Shake My Fist At You
Dear Office Q. Biggs (Department #15, Officer # 00362),
Remember me?
No? I was the little Miata parked on 18th street yesterday. Still a little fuzzy? Let me clear it up for you.
It was my car you stopped at yesterday, precisely at 4:31 p.m. You carefully took the time to write down my vehicle make and model, the license plate, and even the number of doors on my petite automobile.
Ah yes, now I see you do remember. So let me ask you:
When you were printing out that tidy little ticket for $25--the one with the violation marked "P280 Exp. of Mult. Meter Rcpt", did you happen to stop for a minute and reflect on the fact that you are a complete jackass?
I mean that in the most professional, respectful manner, Officer. I really do.
My point is this: I had clearly pointed out in a neat little note sitting next to my TWO IDENTICAL parking stubs that the machine had made an error and split the meter time. So even though I parked at 1:55 p.m. and put in 4 quarters (giving me one stub that allowed me to park until 3:55 p.m.), I ended up having to do it again (this time with $0.85, which--when added to my original stub, would clearly allow me to park until 5:37 p.m.).
That's right, I had a FULL HOUR OF PARKING ALLOWANCE LEFT.
I'm sorry that you are too stupid to do the simple math, or too jaded to see the two parking stubs with their neatly printed explanation and believe that this wasn't some complex scam to screw you out of the pleasure of writing me a ticket. Maybe next time you can double park and block me in, forcing me to wait while you spend 20 minutes buying a Slurpee and perusing the celebrity gossip rags.
Yours truly,
Ms. Write Again Soon
PS - Oh, and you should change the toner on your ticket printer. It appears to be running low.
