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February 27, 2007
Cancer Free
For Valentine's Day, some women get flowers. Some women get chocolates. Some women even get lingerie. I got cervical cancer.
Or so I thought.
Six weeks of tests and $1500 in medical bills later, it turns out that the first test--the one that showed incontrovertable evidence of cancerous changes in my cervix...well, they were just plain wrong. It turns out, in fact, that my cervix (picture it, dear readers, in all it's cervical glory) is as healthy as an 28-year old virgin.
I'm consumed by mixed feelings--of immense relief and growing suspicion that the first doctor I saw (who was sketchy in SO MANY WAYS) is to blame for this colossal mix-up. After all, if he would lie to my face about the effectiveness of generic birth control pills (his actual words: "generics have 40% less of the active ingredient, so you will probably get pregnant--here, try Yasmin"), why wouldn't he mess around with the test results in order to rack up another thousand dollars in fees?
I celebrated with an injection of Gardasil, and a decision to take my newly-polished cervix out for a spin. And in a fun example of two worlds colliding, it also turns out that I don't need to see Mr. FWB and Mr. Pilot separately, because they are quite pleased to see me at the same time. Bwa-ha-ha.
So that ends the little saga of personal health--we'll now return to our usual story line: boys, the Big Idea, and why I am going to die alone (but apparently, with a healthy cervix).
Posted by madchen at 01:32 PM | Comments (5)February 26, 2007
Things I Learned This Weekend
1. Despite thinking many women in Hollywood dress like, ahem, ladies of the night, my dad has a strange fascination with Celine Dion. Let us never speak of this again.
2. One of the most satisfying experiences is teaching a child to ride a bike sans training wheels. It is a balancing act far beyond the laws of physics--trying to get a stubborn and timid 5-year old to stick it out twice around the track, even after riding off into the bushes and steering wildly back and forth, and even being in tears a couple of times. But seeing her running in triumph back to the car, bursting to tell everyone back at the house--it made me think that kids might be worth the trouble after all. Maybe. But probably not.
3. It's possible to have a great second date that involves a three hour dinner with wine and dessert and a trip to Starbucks afterwards and then two more hours of talking and then a quick kiss goodnight--after behaving ridiculously inappropriate on the first date. Instead of it being frustrating, it's actually kind of sweet.
4. Girls have an incredible power over guys--especially guys who are a teensy bit insecure about their, ahem (again), performance. And what's even more strange is that it's all about perception...not whether a guy is actually good in bed (because wouldn't that vary from girl to girl?) but whether or not he thinks he is good in bed. It's a bizarre world to peer into, let me assure you.
Posted by madchen at 12:41 AM | Comments (0)February 23, 2007
Back in Black
I'm back from a whirlwind trip to Cleveland, a bit more bedgraggled and a bit smarter.
Lesson #1: When "packing light" and bringing only one pair of shoes for an overnight business trip, do NOT choose the 4 inch stilletto heels. No matter how great they look, you will regret your decision before you even make it through airport security. By the third hour, every step will be agony, and you will have to fight to keep up with the men striding down the hallway in their damn loafers.
Lesson #2: Always opt for the upgrade to the "concierge floor". For just $10 more, you get an open bar happy hour, free wireless internet, upgraded bath products, and a bathtub big enough for two.
From a business perspective, the trip was GREAT. The client was impressed, they are interested in doing follow-up work, and my feet are slowly recovering. I also returned to find that my first large 6-month Big Idea investment had broken even after just two months--which means that it's all profits from here on out. Roll out the bling, baby, here I come.
Posted by madchen at 12:19 PM | Comments (2)February 19, 2007
Massage with a 5-Year Old
"Aunt Jen, lean back and close your eyes."
Hmm...ok.
"Now, pretend I am massaging your face."
Janie, you are massaging my face.
"I know. Now, keep your eyes closed..."
Ow! Why are you poking my eyeballs?
"Just relax."
Quit poking my eyeballs!
"Jeez, Aunt Jen, you are supposed to be quiet. Just ENJOY it."
Ok, but maybe you could just massage my forehead instead.
"Fine. But don't think this is a real massage anymore."
That's okay with me.
"Well, just so you know."
Posted by madchen at 10:08 PM | Comments (0)Growing Pains
I gave up boys this weekend for some fun with the girls. And work--lots and lots of work. Work that I shouldn't have to be doing but--lo and behold--I'm stuck doing because my Big Idea partner/consultant has disappeared. I have never been so close to firing someone before*, and the temptation is growing with every moment that passes.
So it's nearly 1 a.m. and I'm finally finished with my Big Idea work for the evening, having taken off a couple hours to see the Maryland vs. Duke game with Ms. ADA and friends. My workshop for tomorrow is ready to go, and I'm *almost* prepared for my business trip on Tuesday. Yes, dear reader, I'm headed off to Cleveland. Just feel the excitement wafting off the Wikipedia description:
Cleveland is the county seat of Cuyahoga County, the most populous county in the U.S. state of Ohio. The municipality is located in northeastern Ohio on the southern shore of Lake Erie, approximately 60 miles (100 km) west of the Pennsylvania border. It was founded in 1796 near the mouth of the Cuyahoga River, and became a manufacturing center owing to its location at the head of numerous canals and railroad lines. With the decline of heavy manufacturing, Cleveland's businesses have diversified into the service economy, including the financial services, insurance, and healthcare sectors.
Anyway, it's just an overnight trip, but I'm excited to have this project over and done with (see first paragraph for reason why). At that point, I'll have time to freak out about all other Big Idea projects waiting in the wings.
* Probably because I've never had the authority to fire someone before.
Posted by madchen at 12:37 AM | Comments (1)February 15, 2007
Stupid Netflix
I have a somewhat co-dependent, passive-agressive relationship with Netflix. On the one hand, I am exposed to all sorts of interesting movies that I will never see in the theatre (or that came out years ago). On the other hand, on an absurdly frequent basis I am sent damaged DVDs. And all too often, it is only when I am halfway through the film--totally engrossed in the story line--when that dreaded skipping and stalling problem occurs.
Take tonight for example. I was 110 minutes into Bus 174:
This moving documentary depicts a fateful day in June 2000 when a Rio de Janeiro bus carrying 12 passengers was hijacked by a man named Sandro do Nascimento. Cameras rolled as he touted his plans to kill all aboard but was finally persuaded to give himself up. A cop nonetheless opened fire on Nascimento, killing a passenger instead and causing the city's streets to erupt in riots. Details of Nascimento's very troubled childhood are also featured.
Ok, so even though I knew how it was going to end, I was still on the edge of my seat. I'd made it through the initial hostage situation, the poorly trained and under-armed police force, a look at Rio's juvenile detention facilities, and interviews with street kids, drug dealers, and social workers. I was JUST getting to the part when 6 p.m. is approaching, the hour in which Sandro has proclaimed he will shoot one of the hostages in the face.
And then...
The movie stopped, and refused to start again. I tried fast forwarding through the glitch, and then stopped the DVD, cleaned it, and tried again. No dice.
But wait! Suddenly the movie started again, and I settles back into the couch to see the climax of the movie. But...what's this? Why is the bus driving away? Why is the camera panning across a funeral procession?
Ahh. Apparently the DVD skipped to minute 156, completely leaving out the part where...well, I'm not exactly sure WHAT happens because, of course, I can't see it. I assume that the Netflix summary is correct, but then the woman at the end of the film says something about forgiving Sandro for shooting the woman. So maybe the cop didn't shoot her by accident after all. The world (and by that, I mean *I*) will never know.
Damn you, Netflix. Damn you!
Posted by madchen at 12:56 AM | Comments (2)February 13, 2007
Guess the News
Let's play a fun game. I'll tell you about how I spent the last couple weeks, and you stop me when you can answer the following question: What Is Ms. Write Again Soon's Big News?
Ready. Set. Go.
...
Two weeks ago I went to the doctor's for a routine appointment. They ran a couple of tests, and I went home.
...
Last week I got a call from the doctor, who gave me some surprising news and suggested that I come back in at my earliest convenience.
...
Today I went back to the doctor. We chatted for a bit, she gave me some advice, and I left with a list for the grocery store.
...
At the grocery store, I wandered down the aisles in a daze and picked up the following items:
-- Broccoli and spinach (for the health benefits associated with cruciferous vegetables)
-- A chocolate bar (for the coming emotional meltdown)
-- Pre-natal vitamins (for the folic acid)
...
And ideas yet? I'll give you a few more seconds.
...
Ready now?
...
If you guessed pregnancy, I'm sorry to say that you are wrong. But if you guessed cervical cancer, you're right on the mark.
Happy Valentine's Day to Me!
(No need to flip out just yet, dear reader. As long as I'm experiencing an adolescent immortality delusion, let's all enjoy it.)
Posted by madchen at 08:23 PM | Comments (2)February 12, 2007
Mix It Up
"Aunt Jen, will you sit in the back seat with me so we can play games on the way there?"
Sure thing, sweetie.
"But are you going to sleep?"
No, it's just a few minutes until we get to the restaurant.
"But you said that you have to sleep in the back. Otherwise you throw up."
It's true. I guess we'll just have to be prepared.
"But Aunt Jen!! You CAN'T throw up because then I'll see it and then I'LL throw up!!"
Well, we'll just throw up in my purse, and then it won't get all over us. Deal?
"Yup."
..........
"Aunt Jen, will you play thumb wrestle?"
No, because you cheat.
"I won't this time. Pinky promise."
[Pinky promise ensues.]
Ok--1, 2, 3, 4, I declare thumb war.
[Thumb wrestling begins, with Janie demonstrating a mean technique.]
"I WIN I WIN I WIN!!"
That's pretty amazing.
"And I didn't even cheat this time!"
It's a miracle.
"I will draw you a picture of it when we get home."
Posted by madchen at 11:41 PM | Comments (0)February 11, 2007
The Reason My Mother No Longer Reads This Blog
The last few days have proved that I've still got it. Although now that I think about it more closely, "it" may be defined less flatteringly than I'd like. So for the moment, let's define "it" as "highly desirable" rather than "easy", shall we?
It all began on Thursday night when Mr. FWB, in his ongoing effort to educate me in the ways of the world, explained that webcams can be used for more than professional reasons. Things were interrupted slightly when Janie arrived at the house to spend the night (no kindergarten the next day) and breathlessly wanted to know why Aunt Jen was in her room with her door shut. I must invest in a lock post haste since scrambling to keep the door shut is not conducive to seductive behavior.
The weekend kicked off Friday night when I had my first "real" date with Mr. Officer (and a Gentleman)--the guy I met last week. Dear reader, pause a moment with me to wonder once again at the miracle of Ms. Write Again Soon actually meeting a guy in a REAL setting, rather than being set up on the internet. We had dinner in Rosslyn, and while he was just as attractive as I remembered from the weekend before, he looked even hotter after we finished a bottle of wine and some after-dinner liquor. Two and a half hours into the meal we realized that the waitress was ready to throw us out, so we meandered over to the Hyatt hotel bar. (It was the only place we really knew to go, although looking back he probably thought I was giving him a *wink, wink* signal when I suggested it. I swear I wasn't.) Another drink (note to self: Chaitinis are gross) later and we decided...well...it was late and the bar was closing, and there really was no other place to go...when I finally arrived home about 4 a.m. he called to make sure I had gotten home safely, and we made tentative plans to get together again next week. Le sigh.
Saturday continued the merriment, with me sleeping in and getting a little work done before going out to dinner with the family for my sister's birthday. In an ironic twist of fate, Mr. Pilot called (twice--I almost fell over in shock to realize he did indeed know how to pick up the phone) to follow up on our tentative plans to meet. (Dear reader, I can't remember if I mentioned it, but we had a nice talk about our non-relationship earlier in the week and I made it clear that I don't need another FB, but would be potentially interested in continuing a casual dating policy.) Long story short, we met, we saw Smokin' Aces, I spent the night, we ate breakfast and watched Kung Fu movies and Mythbusters all day, and he tickled me until I cried. It was nice, and I think I'm okay with the way things stand.
Today, when I got home I realized I had missed a call from Mr. Doctor (the guy who gives me the creepies, but that I keep thinking Might Have Potential), who was calling to follow up on our tentative plans to meet that afternoon. It was then that I realized there is a limit to my "boy energy". I did not call him back, but instead took a nap. I think I deserved it.
To round out the evening, I just received an email from a guy that my long-ago-next-door-neighbor is trying to set me up with. Clearly she hasn't gotten the message about my burgeoning love life, because here is the way she described him: he's close to 45 years old, needs to lose a little weight, and is probably a little socially awkward. And he lives in upstate New York.
Excellent.
Posted by madchen at 11:19 PM | Comments (3)February 08, 2007
Lobster Ravio...What?
I am feeling betrayed, dear reader. Very, very betrayed. Is it...
1. ...because I have no plans for Valentine's Day, no expectation that anyone will send me flowers, and no reason to believe that I will ever be anything other than a single girl with lots of "friendly" guy pals?
No, although now that I think about it...
2. ...because my business partner has disappeared just at the critical moment when I need him to produce results, and now I'm going to be working 20 hours a day to get both of our jobs completed?
No, but that *is* something to be irritable about...
3. ....because I went a whole three hours without knowing of Anna Nicole Smith's premature demise?
YES.
I am an admitted news junkie--both of the legitimate and not-so-legitimate variety--and I have cultivated friends who feed that need. I knew that Saddam Hussein had been captured a full three minutes before it broke on CNN, so how is it possible that no one thought to inform me that Trim Spa had lost their most notorious spokewoman?
A phone call, people. It's all I ask.
Posted by madchen at 05:25 PM | Comments (2)February 07, 2007
Run Down
I have to suspect that a good portion of my productivity yesterday can be attributed directly to the chocolate-covered espresso beans I ate throughout the day. It certainly explains why I was still awake (with toes nervously wiggling) at 1 a.m.
Unfortunately, that rollercoaster ended with a rather abrupt stop (oh, chocolate-covered espresso beans, how I miss ye!) and today I've been losing steam with every passing minute. I started off well enough with a 9 a.m. meeting at a local coffee shop, where I was interviewed by an MBA student for his entrepreneurship class. It was flattering, since he chose me as someone he "would like to emulate" and helpful, since he'll be interviewing me about my business growth plan several times over the course of the semester. Since I've been doing a lot of thinking about the Big Idea, it's a good chance to see if the thoughts in my head can be rationally translated into words. so far, so good.
This afternoon, though, was a different story. While I have been extremely productive, it's been like walking through the deep end of a swimming pool. Instead of being able to effectively multitask, mostly I just want to sit and stare off into the pretty snow.
...mmm...pretty snow...
Anyway, I had grand plans for today but it was not to be. Yes, I've been working diligently since 8 a.m., but no, my to-do list hasn't seemed to shrink in the slightest. Looks like I'll be working late into the evening again.
(Incidentally, for those keeping track of my love life, I have a date on Friday with a new boy that I met this past weekend. I also talked to Mr. Pilot last night. I wanted to kill him by the time it was over, but I do believe we have agreed to meet up sometime in the next week or two to see if it's worth pursuing a casual relationship. I'm girding my loins (hee, hee) in preparation for the discussion about being "friends with benefits".)
Posted by madchen at 04:54 PM | Comments (1)February 06, 2007
Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangsta
Yesterday around 4 p.m. I crawled into my bed for "a little nap". All the excitement from the weekend (a nice combination of unspeakably drrty adventures and pleasantly enjoyable activities) had left me exhausted, and before I knew it, I was awake and the sun was down.
Of course, it had been down for about 10 hours, since the clock revealed that it was 5 a.m. Undaunted, and fully awake, I pulled my laptop in bed with me and proceeded to get to work. That was eight hours ago, and I'm still on a roll. I've wrapped up one Big Idea project, gotten well into another, completed my taxes (yee-haw, I'm getting money back!), had two conference calls, and even TAKEN A SHOWER. I expect Stephen Covey to call any minute to beg for my secret.
Given that I'm *so* on top of things...I think it might be time for a little break. Perhaps some lunch? I would suggest a brisk walk but it is beyond chilly outside and I can barely feel my toes with the heat cranked up to 70 degrees. Plus, I have the cleaning people here and it seems weird to leave them alone.
Note to self: remember to pay estimated taxes on time.
Note to self #2: if big idea fails, consider going into the housecleaning business.
Note to self #3: when waking up before sunrise, remember to turn off alarm clock set for 9 a.m. since being in the middle of washing your hair is a terrible time to hear that screeching din coming down the hallway.
Posted by madchen at 02:12 PM | Comments (3)Books I Read During January
New Total: 111
The Go Point: When It's Time to Decide--Knowing What to Do and When to Do It
by Michael Useem
Amazon: “The Go Point is a tour de force of a tour through battlefields and boardrooms, illuminating the differences between brilliant and tragic decisions. Michael Useem is a wise, witty, and understanding guide whose insights can dramatically improve leadership and decision-making skills. Go for it!” —Rosabeth Moss Kanter, Harvard Business School, bestselling author of Confidence: How Winning Streaks & Losing Streaks Begin and End
My Review:I got this book during a Barnes and Noble spree designed to help me figure out the next steps for the Big Idea. It was interesting, but didn't really tell me anything particularly new and reality-bending. As much as the author touts the genius of using examples to learn basic decision-making principles, I could have done with less examination of wildfire fighting. Personally, I think Useem had a childhood dream of being a firefighter and used this book as an example to go play with the big boys.
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Grow Fast Grow Right: 12 Strategies to Achieve Break-Through Business Growth
by Andrew J Sherman
Book Description: The first book in this series, Grow Fast, Grow Right, provides business owners and executives the complex methods they need for smart and efficient growth. Focusing on Human Capital, Financial Capital, and Intellectual Capital, the three major pillars that form the foundation for effective business growth, this resource teaches businesses to break through current growth ceilings and overcome challenges by using their 12 Grow Fast Grow Right Value Drivers.
My Review: Meh. I thought this book was going to change the Big Idea forever. It took me a week to read the first chapter, since I wanted to commit every nugget of information to memory. Then I got to Chapter Two and realized that the vast majority of this information was designed for start-ups looking to be the next Amazon.com. Not exactly relevant to a simple girl trying to figure out if she should hire full-time employees or stay with a freelance model.
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The Feast of Love: A Novel
by Charles Baxter
Publishers Weekly: Baxter (First Light, Harmony of the World, Believers) has for too long been a writer's writer whose books have enjoyed more admirers than sales. Pantheon appears confident that his new novel can be his breakout work. It certainly deserves to be. In a buoyant, eloquent and touching narrative, Baxter breaks rules blithely as he goes along, and the reader's only possible response is to realize how absurd rules can be. Baxter begins, for example, as himself, the author, waking in the middle of the night and going out onto the predawn streets of Ann Arbor (where Baxter in fact lives). Meeting a neighbor, Bradley Smith, with his dog, also called Bradley, he is told the first of the spellbinding stories of love--erotic, wistful, anxious, settled, ecstatic and perverse--that make up the book, woven seamlessly together so they form a virtuosic ensemble performance.
My Review: This was a book club selection from several years ago--one that I missed for a reason that now escapes me. Ms. Wish to See lent it to me several months ago and I just now got around to reading it. I did enjoy it, although I wouldn't necessarily call it "a virtuosic ensemble performance". But it was quick, and a nice break from business tomes.
Posted by madchen at 08:11 AM | Comments (1)February 05, 2007
Private Conversations
[The two of us quietly playing barbies...Disney Channel is on in the background...No one has spoken in several minutes...]
"Aunt Jen?"
Yep.
"How come you have so many boyfriends?"
Let's not ask that question in front of Grandma, okay?
"Okay. But how come you do?"
A question for the ages, my love.
Posted by madchen at 01:19 AM | Comments (0)February 01, 2007
I Shake My Fist At You
Dear Office Q. Biggs (Department #15, Officer # 00362),
Remember me?
No? I was the little Miata parked on 18th street yesterday. Still a little fuzzy? Let me clear it up for you.
It was my car you stopped at yesterday, precisely at 4:31 p.m. You carefully took the time to write down my vehicle make and model, the license plate, and even the number of doors on my petite automobile.
Ah yes, now I see you do remember. So let me ask you:
When you were printing out that tidy little ticket for $25--the one with the violation marked "P280 Exp. of Mult. Meter Rcpt", did you happen to stop for a minute and reflect on the fact that you are a complete jackass?
I mean that in the most professional, respectful manner, Officer. I really do.
My point is this: I had clearly pointed out in a neat little note sitting next to my TWO IDENTICAL parking stubs that the machine had made an error and split the meter time. So even though I parked at 1:55 p.m. and put in 4 quarters (giving me one stub that allowed me to park until 3:55 p.m.), I ended up having to do it again (this time with $0.85, which--when added to my original stub, would clearly allow me to park until 5:37 p.m.).
That's right, I had a FULL HOUR OF PARKING ALLOWANCE LEFT.
I'm sorry that you are too stupid to do the simple math, or too jaded to see the two parking stubs with their neatly printed explanation and believe that this wasn't some complex scam to screw you out of the pleasure of writing me a ticket. Maybe next time you can double park and block me in, forcing me to wait while you spend 20 minutes buying a Slurpee and perusing the celebrity gossip rags.
Yours truly,
Ms. Write Again Soon
PS - Oh, and you should change the toner on your ticket printer. It appears to be running low.
Posted by madchen at 11:11 PM | Comments (0)
