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January 22, 2007
Bodyguard
Before you ask, I haven't heard a single word from Mr. Pilot. That's right...it's been 9 days since I left his front porch and NOTHING. I'm bitter, but haven't taken Mr. Bad Apologies' good advice to just call him up and ask him to justify his behavior (or lack thereof). So let's just move on, shall we?
I spend Sunday afternoon with Mr. Bethesda, who has turned out to be quite the ally. We have a bizarre arrangement where it really is an even split between "friends" and "benefits". We talk quite frankly about our dating life: why Mr. Pilot doesn't call me (answer: he's a bum) and why Mr Bethesda can't seem to put the moves on his "family friend" (answer: he needs to walk her to the front door after their outings). We even enjoy just being quiet around each other--like when we spent a good two hours on Sunday reading the paper (ok, mostly I took a nap on the couch while *he* read the paper). And then, of course, the "benefits" part, which is very nice too.
With all these nice qualities, what is my most favorite thing about Mr. Bethesda? He's armed.
Because of his job, Mr. Bethesda carries a gun with him where ever he goes--including out to lunch with me. His job's "deadly force policy" says he can shoot people with reckless abandon (ok, that's just my take), and we've had many discussions about when he would, in fact, shoot someone. Example:
Mr. Bethesda and Ms. Write Again Soon are walking down the street and two people walk up and demand out wallets. They have their hands in their jacket pockets and appear to have a gun trained at us. Does he shoot them? Here's what Mr. Bethesda had to say:
Scenario 1: If the gun is pointed at me, Mr. Bethesda makes me give them my wallet (which I would, of course, refuse to do), and then he probably lets them go. But maybe he shoots them, depending on other variables.
Scenario 2: If the gun is pointed at "us", Mr. Bethesda steps in front of me and refuses--identifying himself as a [person who carries a gun all the time]. If they don't immediately retreat and/or surrender, he shoots them.
Scenario 3: I make a commotion and they shoot me, then run away. Mr. Bethesda takes 15 seconds to shoot them, then returns his attention to me, where he provide heroic resuscitation so that my life is prolonged long enough to get me to a hospital.
I should say that while I find these explorations to be highly interesting, it's not like Mr. Bethesda has a history of shooting people--even when presented with such scenarios. I think his previous training just makes him like to *think* that he'll be capable of shooting 2 people within 15 seconds, all before providing life-saving CPR to his friends-with-benefits person lying gasping for breath on the pavement.
That said, I feel really safe with him. And that makes up (partially) for a lack of phone calls from other gentlemen callers.
