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December 22, 2006
Call Me Mook
I'm having one of those days where every minute is about 15 seconds away from a panic attack. Not because life is disastrous, but because I feel caught between the possibilities. Either could turn out to be great, but there's no reasonable way to choose between them.
The Pilot
I really like this guy--even though he just backed out of joining me at a holiday party tonight. (He's sick, so I'll give him a break.) On the one hand, I feel like I should just quit playing around and admit that he's the one I want, stop dating other people, and just see where it goes. On the other hand, I feel like I should smother these feelings (which may or may not be returned) and pursue my other opportunities--like Mr. Doctor, who took me on a completely delightful, non-weird date on Wednesday. Either way, I feel like I'm losing something important.
The Big Idea
I just signed over a big chunk of change to a Big Idea project--one that is completely new to me. It's full of promise, and I think it could help generate some amazing revenue, but it's scary to be in a 6-month pilot phase. On the one hand, I want to throw myself into the Big Idea with everything I have--even if it means recommitting myself to 80-hour work weeks (I've slacked off in December). On the other hand, looking ahead to what will be a very rough year, I sort of want to put it all on hold, cash in one of my mutual funds, and go travel the world. The especially scary thing is that I could EASILY do that, and having it be such an available option is more stress than it's worth.
The Living Situation
Living with my family has been a godsend, and has allowed me the flexibility to try out the Big Idea in a way that would have been impossible without that extra layer of financial security. But now, and especially since my parents are moving to a new place in the summer, it's time to make a choice. On the one hand, I certainly have enough money in the bank to rent a place, but not quite enough to put down a deposit. And it might give me the motivation I need to really throw myself into the Big Idea. On the other hand, living with my family for another year would give me the opportunity to put more money into the Big Idea--thus growing the product and service offerings--and would likely allow me to save enough money to buy a place more comfortably next year.
See? None of these options are particularly terrible, and yet I find myself unable to just make a decision. As a result, I'm much like poor Mook, who managed to escape her enclosure this morning, but couldn't find the courage to run. Instead, she ended up curling up for a nap under a bench--neither caged nor free. I'm scared that I'll make the wrong choice, and thus make only half-choices. And let me tell you, dear reader, half-choices suck.
Comments
Don't smother, dear girl! Stoke the Mr. Pilot fire!
Posted by: ms. pm at December 22, 2006 01:30 PM
If you choose to see only Mr. Pilot (perhaps with out proclaiming him "the one"?) then you would at least have more time to work on the Big Idea. I get the impression that the parade of men is a big time suck.
I also think you should take cashing out mutal funds off the table, expecially if you plan to spend the money on non-tangable/non-value holding things. Now, if we are talking about a down payment on a new home...that's something else.
Posted by: La at December 22, 2006 02:13 PM
