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July 09, 2006
Stop
My dad is in an ICU on the other side of the country.
This weekend was supposed to be a much-needed pocket of alone time, with my parents in Oregon for a wedding and my sister and Janie in San Diego for the week. I've been reveling in the alone-ness of it all--walking around naked, hours of solitude, messes that only *I* would make. But when I returned to the house tonight and heard my mother's voice on the answering machine, being alone was suddenly a terrible fate bestowed by an unmerciful god.
"...can't remember anything from the last 48 hours...getting a CAT scan now...blood in the spinal cord...suggestive of bleeding in the brain...waiting for the neurosurgeon...will call you later when I know more..."
I was unable to get in touch with my mom or my sister. As I stood staring out the kitchen window, my phone in my hand, I realized I have no one else to call...this is why people are desperate for committed relationships.
Much like having my life flash before my eyes, I saw the faces of all my friends and recent amorous encounters. I could call her, but she lives so far away--and what could she do really? I could call him, but we don't really have that kind of relationship. I don't feel comfortable having a nervous breakdown in front of her--it would be too weird. My recent feelings of alienation (self-imposed, I assure you) seemed to rise up before me and cackle with irony.
I paced the house for a good twenty minutes, fluctuating between panicky sobs and a hollow calm. The phone, still clutched in my hand, refused to ring and I couldn't think straight enough to make a plan. Realizing I was a short hop away from full-blown hysteria, I decided to bite the bullet and call Ms. ADA, who had just this past week encouraged me to lean on my friends more. Without hesitation, she flew to my side "just to sit with you until you hear something". I have never been so grateful to have her as a friend.
Now, several hours later, I have been in contact with both my mom and my sister. My dad has been admitted to the ICU, and it's still unclear what the problem is--although his memory is coming back in pieces. We'll know more in the next 24 hours, but if Write Again Soon goes dark for a while, it's entirely likely that I've made a trip out to Oregon. Stay tuned.
Comments
I hope it goes without saying, I will be happy to help however I can. Cat sitting perhaps?
La
Posted by: La at July 10, 2006 07:00 AM
Good morning. Hope to hear an update soon! I'd bake (or something), but that's not really my thing. I'm getting my parents car if you need a ride (airport, etc). Will be thinking about you...
Posted by: Mr. Bad Apologies at July 10, 2006 08:15 AM
Jen, I'm so sorry to hear your dad is ill and that it happened so far from home... and you.
My thoughts are with you all. Please don't hesitate to call me if you feel like talking.
Posted by: mandy at July 10, 2006 09:23 AM
Thinking of you and your family!
Posted by: maryment at July 10, 2006 11:28 AM
i'm too far away to offer anything-- but i hear you and i pray that everything goes well.
Posted by: siti at July 10, 2006 08:06 PM
