Write Again Soon: July 2006 Archives

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July 31, 2006

Moment of Shame

I woke up this morning feeling, well, not quite the cleanest I've ever been. A moment's thought revealed the culprit. I haven't showered since Friday morning. And that 72 hours wasn't time spent in an air-conditioned, sterile environment--oh no.

I suppose I should be thankful that fleas aren't crawling all over my infested body.

It's off to the showers with me. If I don't write anything for the next few days, you'll know it's because I'm still working on getting my fingernails clean.

Posted by madchen at 01:06 PM | Comments (4)

July 27, 2006

Random Thoughts

First Thought

I was driving home today, not really paying attention to the radio, when I realized I was humming along to a catchy little number with the chorus (roughly captured): How come (how come) every time you come around, my London (London) Bridge wanna go down. WTF? I spent the remainder of my rush-hour traffic trying to decipher what that meant. Something dirty, I presumed. And now that I've googled it, and have seen the video, I can tell you that--yes--Fergie is a dirty little minx. And I still am not clear on what the London Bridge thing is referring to. Oh snap, indeed. (Thought 1.5: how FREAKY are the dancing Palace Guards in that video?)

Second Thought

David Hasselhoff is getting divorced, Lance Bass is gay, Floyd Landis has tested positive for doping during the Tour de France, Peter Cook cheated on Christie Brinkely with a 19-year old. Scandelous, and yet not really shocking. I was trying to think of something that would REALLY suprise me about Hollywood. The only thing I could come up with (and even this wouldn't be out of the realm of the "slightly possible") was if the TomKat baby was a sham. That's one where I would spent 20 minutes perusing People.com and then move on. Come on celebrities--I *live* to be incensed, and I have found you lacking.

Third Thought

How many men can a girl date at one time before it becomes ridiculous? More on this later, but I've recently been on dates with two different guys (only one of whom will be making it to another round of "wine and dine Ms. Write Again Soon and see if she will put out") and there are at least two more in the works. Looking back on my previous experience, it seems that 5 is the magic number, where I start referring to them by the wrong names--and during inconvienent times, like when I'm leaving them a voicemail.

Fourth Thought

Nearly a month in and my experimentation with veganism is going well. I will confess to having fish twice (it was sushi, which for some reason seems like a VERY "eco-conscious" meal), but other than that I have been meat and dairy free for 4 whole weeks. I haven't really found any serious obstacles (sushi-cravings aside), although tonight I would just about kill for some chocolate. Dark chocolate is my new favorite (it's dairy free and delish), but alas the kitchen is devoid of cocoa-based delights. On the other hand, I'm pleased to announce that a bowl of Rice Krispies makes an adequate snack for the sans-chocolate crowd.

Posted by madchen at 11:16 PM | Comments (2)

July 24, 2006

Reflections on the Miss Universe Pageant

Janie: "In our family, everyone's stomachs go out. But all these ladies--their stomachs go in."

Jess: "That is certainly one generalization to make about the differences between our family and the Miss Universe contestants."

Janie: "Grandad, let me look in your bellybutton."

Posted by madchen at 01:09 AM | Comments (1)

July 21, 2006

Inspired

For a couple of weeks now I've been in a Big Idea slump. In May and June it looked like there were some clients ready to come on board and actually pay for my services. I got carried away, planning on how I'd spend my newfound riches and planning for the inevitable crush of work that would follow.

Well, fast forward 6 weeks and things haven't gone exactly as planned. One, I'm being shafted on one of my only paid projects. Its not exactly anyone's fault, but suddenly I'm getting a much smaller cut of the proceeds that originally planned. Two other projects have been put on hold (although they may yet come through), and I found out that the Big Idea RFP Proposal did not make the shortlist of finalists.

Because I had been focusing on these projects, I found myself at a loss in terms of how to move forward. I don't have a strong marketing strategy and it's really holding me back. I've been plagued by questions: Where do I go from here? Is it realistic to cold call potential clients? How do I make my networking more productive?

Thankfully, last night I had a profound moment of inspiration. It's not quite like a huge lightbulb went on over my beautifully coiffed head (and by coiffed I mean uncombed hair piled into a messy ponytail). Its more like the vague ideas I wanted to pursue suddenly gelled into a plan of action.

Thus, today I am totally motivated to get to work on some new strategies for Big Idea success. The new challenge will be sustaining that momentum, particularly since the peace and quiet I have grown to love about the house in the middle of the afternoon has been shattered by the continuous presence of a 5 year old (although she did help me with grocery shopping yesterday).

Posted by madchen at 01:55 PM | Comments (1)

July 20, 2006

Books I Read in July

New Total: 91

Empress Orchid
by Anchee Min

From Publishers Weekly: Talk about story arc: poor girl from rural China auditions for a job as royal concubine, winds up as emperor's wife number four, gives birth to the "last Emperor," rules China as regent for 46 years. The fascinating, implausible life of Tsu Hsi, or "Orchid," was reviled by the revolutionary Chinese, but here it receives a sympathetic treatment from Min (Red Azalea; Becoming Madame Mao), who once again brilliantly lifts the public mask of a celebrated woman to reveal a contradictory character. Sexually assertive, intellectually ambitious, socially striving, Min's Orchid is also "isolated, tense, and in some vague but very real way, dissatisfied." Even after giving birth to the emperor's only son, Orchid feels trapped by the stultifying imperial rituals and persecuted by the other residents of the Forbidden City: six other royal wives, 3,000 invisible concubines and 2,000 scheming eunuchs. In addition to these powerful distractions, she has to discipline her overindulged son, outmaneuver the ruthless politician Su Shun (who wants her buried alive when the emperor dies) and advise the ailing emperor how to fend off both the Boxers and the Western "barbarians." Min, herself a survivor of China's Cultural Revolution, has done a prodigious amount of on-site research to capture the glorious, hopeless last days of the Ching dynasty. At times her writing is textbook-flat, and she sometimes loses track of her teeming cast of characters (for example, Orchid's dangerous mother-in-law and mentally ill sister). But readers will be enthralled by the gorgeously woven cultural tapestry and the psychologically astute portrait of the empress-a talented girl from the provinces who married (way) up.

My Review: Holy crap this audiobook was p-a-i-n-f-u-l. I was bored a mere 3 hours into the plot, and it took me at least 3 weeks to plow through the remaining million hours of boring narrative. It's such a shame, because the story COULD have been brilliant, but it just got bogged down in the details. Like I need 20 minute descriptions of the imperial palace of infinite luminescence...I should have just turned it off and moved along.

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The God of Nightmares
by Paula Fox

From Publishers Weekly: Fox's prose flows as clearly and gracefully as clear water in a stream--but there is a dark current underneath: "the implacable forces of time and loss." From a hardscrabble existence with her relentlessly cheerful mother in rural upstate New York, narrator Helen Bynum goes to New Orleans in search of her aunt, a former Ziegfeld girl and has-been actress. Aunt Lulu proves to be an irascible alcoholic, but Helen stays on in the warm-scented, langorous city, so different from the gray, frozen atmosphere of Poughkeepsie. Here Helen feels free for the first time to pursue the potentials of her own life. Enveloped in the affection of her new friends--her landlord, a poet, and his mistress; a seductive young man with silver hair who is the son of a rabbi and with whom she falls in love; another woman from the North who becomes her best friend; an elegant homosexual of Creole descent--Helen at first feels safe and contented. But as she gradually becomes aware of the imminence of WW II in Europe, the injustice of race relations in the South and the dark secrets in her friends' lives, she is suffused with apprehension about "the black wall of death" that seems to loom everywhere. In a poignant chapter set years later, Helen finally realizes the implications of those long-ago events. Fox ( A Servant's Tale ) is a highly gifted writer whose insightful novels resonate with subtle truths.

My Review: This book was a strange and lonely interlude between other, more concrete fiction. I loved the aloof descriptions, the high drama, the abstract landscapes, and the ultimate conclusions. Of course, I saw the main twist coming a mile away, but it didn't really take away from the overall poignancy of the whole story. I wish I could have read it while in New Orleans.

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Geography of the Heart
by Fenton Johnson

From Publishers Weekly: Novelist Johnson (Scissors, Paper, Rock) watched his lover, San Francisco high-school teacher Larry Rose, die of AIDS in a Paris hospital in 1990 after an intense three-year relationship. Rose was HIV-positive but asymptomatic when they met, and while their lovemaking was haunted by fear of contagion, the author remains HIV-negative. Rose, the only child of German Jewish Holocaust survivors?his father, Leo, was imprisoned and beaten by the Nazis in Holland, escaped and hid for three years with broken vertebrae?had a very different background from that of Johnson, who grew up Catholic and the youngest of nine in an isolated Appalachian town in Kentucky. Johnson writes with crystal clarity of his gradual acceptance by his lover's emigrant parents, of coming out to his own widowed mother at 31, of Rose's gradual physical deterioration and of his working through grief toward emotional renewal. This is a remarkable memoir, touching, funny, searing, eloquent, beautifully alive.

My Review: Wow--this book was unquestionably the best memoir I have ever read. I was completely caught up in the story, and felt like I was experiencing the awakening of the AIDS movement. I didn't fully appreciate how far we've come until seeing how different the situation was a mere 15 years ago. I challenge anyone to read this book and not rally to the GLBT movement. But even beyond a political book, I found the author's understanding of love to be more closely tied to my own than anything I've read before. Time and time again, I marveled at passages that I would have written were I a more skilled writer.

Posted by madchen at 11:08 PM | Comments (0)

The White Trash Girl In Me

I was aimlessly channel searching tonight, looking for something to put on in the background that would be entertaining but not too entertaining. I've gotten in the habit of doing a couple hours of Big Idea work before going to bed--wrapping up emails, setting up meetings, researching biz development stuff. Nothing too terribly important, and perfect for a work/television combo.

Anyway, what should I find on ABC Family but Dukes of Hazzard, one of my favorite childhood shows. Unlike the crappy 2005 remake with Jessica Simpson, the original series taught us important lessons:

-- sexual tension between cousins is okay, as long as one is wearing absurdly skimpy shorts
-- refusing to pay your taxes is a legitimate way to stick it to the man, as long as the man is a portly gentleman dressed in all white
-- when a loved one is thrown in the county clink, you can always get him released by a) breaking him out in the culmination of a kooky plot or b) negotiating a deal with the aforementioned portly gentleman in exchange for bringing in more dangerous/offensive criminals
-- driving your car at high speeds into a pile of dirt will--contrary to the laws of physics--actually result in a fabulous fly-through-the-air-in-slow-motion montage
-- real men shun the use of guns in favor of a bow-and-arrow set, which they prefer to use perched out the window of their car while their sexy cousin slides over to take the wheel

The particular episode I caught had all the critical elements of a Dukes of Hazzard classic. Uncle Jesse had been wrongfully (in the eyes of "country law") imprisoned in the jail. A group of sexy women (including a very diverse African American woman sporting an afro) were running rampant in town. Bo and Luke made a deal with Boss Hogg and Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane to bring in the wild women (who like to take bucket showers in the woods) in exchange for all charges (which I didn't catch, coming into the show 20 minutes late), releasing Uncle Jesse, and giving Daisy (who, for some reason, was dressed like a saloon prostitute) the reward money associated with the girl gang's capture. Of course, during the final chase scene, Bo (who was previously captured by the women when caught watching them shower) is tied to the roll bar of their jeep and has to make a dramatic escape by jumping from the car mere seconds before it plunges over a cliff (you know all those cliffs in Hazzard County?) and explodes in a ball of flames.

Good times.

Posted by madchen at 12:55 AM | Comments (2)

July 18, 2006

Touche

"Aunt Jen, why can't I get a Sprite?"

Because you're already getting a hot fudge sundae. And besides, soda will rot your teeth. Grandad gets angry with me when I let you have a soda.

"But Aunt Jen, Grandad gives me soda all the time!"

I know, that's why Grandad is a hypocrite.

"Aunt Jen! Grandad isn't a hypocrite, he's a dentist."

My point exactly.

Posted by madchen at 04:25 PM | Comments (1)

Bad Guest Blogger

My recent stint as a guest blogger over as Bastish has come to an abrupt halt. Last week someone hacked Mr. Bastish's server and used his site to send a spoof email to people. The web page resembled a Chase Manhatten Bank site, and solicited bank account information that would, I suppose, be used for various nefarious purposes.

I was alerted to this problem by several readers (or possible recipients of the spoof email--it wasn't quite clear), but I was unable to do anything since I didn't have the web server information. I did write an explanation to Bastish readers, but apparently it wasn't enough and, well, the site has been temporarily disabled.

My guess is that Mr. Bastish will be able to resolve the problem once he gets back, but unfortunately that won't be until late August at the earliest. So for the next 30+ days, Bastish will be closed for repairs. Sigh. That didn't go well at all.

So I'm back to writing *exlusively* for Write Again Soon. Should any of you loyal readers go out of town and leave your blogs open to the deviancies of the 'net please do let me know--I'd love to write a couple entries and then bear the brunt of the blame when everything goes to hell.

Posted by madchen at 01:16 AM | Comments (2)

July 16, 2006

Shuffle This

I take back most of my bitter invective against Mr. Bad Apologies, and tip my hat to his latest WEbring topic:

I was promoted yesterday by a friend at work to turn my iPod to Shuffle and list the first 10 songs, with commentary as appropriate. He, in turn, got it from a friend at www.robertspuhler.com.

I'm guessing Mr. B.A. meant he was *prompted* by a friend--regardless, you can read his shuffle results here. And here are my own:

Jailhouse – Sublime: I'm not sure I've EVER listened to this song before, but I have to say that it's rather catchy. Although it does rather sound like all of Sublime's other songs.

Dreamland – Madeleine Peyroux: I love M. Peyroux, enough that I actually went to her concert (with Martha Wainwright) by myself after my date cancelled at the last minute. Notice how Madeleine sounds JUST like Billie Holiday in a way that can ONLY be topped by David Sedaris.

With My Own Two Hands – Ben Harper: Again, not sure I ever purposefully listened to this song before, although I do enjoy it now. I keep meaning to see Ben Harper live (I was sorry to miss his tour with Jack Johnson), to see if the experience lives up to the recorded versions.

Go It Alone – Beck: Damn, I love Beck. I love everything about him, down to his bizarrely fringed jacket. I am especially fond of his Spanglish songs, although the na-na-na-na-na-na of Go It Alone makes me want to direct a crazy Gap commercial. Very snappy indeed.

Angel – Fiona Apple: This is a remake of the Jimi Hendrix song, and I’m not a huge fan of the way she does it. Let's move on.

Hit the Switch – Bright Eyes: Ahh, Bright Eyes. I was all excited to see them live, but heard rather strident reviews that said their live performances were, well, painful. So I will just continue to enjoy them via iPod.

Cosi sugl' occhi miei from La Fida Ninfa – Yo Yo Ma: I was wondering when the classical stuff would show up. This is quite a delightful Baroque ditty that reminds me I should listen to more of my classical selection during Big Idea hours.

Track 15 – Yo Yo Ma: This is actually one of the Bach Cello Suites (possibly my most favorite piece of music ever written), but the CD didn't correctly recognize the titles and I was just too lazy to go back and input it manually. Sheer bliss.

Backyard – Guster: I feel sad because I love Guster but have heard that their live performances are even more painful than Bright Eyes. So is it worth going to their performance (with the main act being Ray LaMontagne) in a couple weeks? Perhaps if I can get someone else to buy the tickets…

These Arms of Mine – Otis Redding: What a GREAT song to end on. It makes me want to drink a glass of white wine in the dark by myself with the knowledge that a young gentleman caller is on his way over. Or possibly to take a long drive in the country.

Posted by madchen at 11:40 PM | Comments (3)

July 13, 2006

Stupid Mr. Bad Apologies

Mr. Bad Apologies openly mocked me tonight, saying something to the effect that opening up my blog and finding information about "all the books you read last week" wasn't exactly getting him hot and bothered. Perhaps if he opened a book once in a while he wouldn't feel so inadequate.

So rather than recite a list of the books I read last week (there are two, just so you know), I thought I would review some of my favorite TV shows. Now that cable is back, I'm more addicted than ever. Dear reader, behold the bounty that is non-network television!

In no particular order...

Psych - Last week was the series premiere, and I have to say that I'm completely enamoured. First of all, Dule Hill has turned into quite the buff young actor, and he plays a great straight man to...what's his name...James Roday. If you didn't manage to catch it, you can watch the whole episode (for free, no less) on the web.

Nip/Tuck - This is a show that I never made a point to watch on a weekly basis, but I was always delighted to find it. It's so dark and funny and sexy and trashy--it makes me want to move to Miami and wear huge sunglasses and date men much too young for me. (Again, Mr. Bad Apologies, any suggestions on how to get started?) I'd like to rent the first couple of seasons and get all caught up to date before the new season starts.

Rescue Me - I've only seen a couple episodes, but Denis Leary is SO funny that I keep meaning to make a mental note of the show's air time. I also love how they have a bunch of older women (Susan Sarandon, for example), playing romantic (or at least sexy) roles.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - This show is brand new, but it has the makings of a new Seinfeld. Depite the MUCH sharper edge, it has the same "random plot that is eventually tied up brilliantly in the last 3 minutes" scenario that made Seinfeld such a joy to watch.

The Colbert Report - Despite a truly AWFUL website, the Colbert Report has topped the Daily Show on my list of best fake news shows. I only wish Stephen would bring back the "formidable opponent" bit--that one was my favorite.

Hustle - Holy crap--I saw this for the first time tonight and I can't believe I've missed it up until now! It's probably because I don't watch AMC that often (ever, really), but that will change from now on! I love the Oceans 11 grifter stuff (the witty Matt Damon-George Clooney banter, not the pouty, forlorn Julia Roberts schtick), the fun British accents, and the random interludes of old movie clips. If I had to watch only one show from now on, this might be it.

Gee, looking over this list, it's hard to believe that I'm not sitting in front of the TV 6 hours every day. But I assure you, dear reader, that I rarely watch more than an hour (or possible two) of TV a day. Otherwise, how would I have time to read all those books of which Mr. Bad Apologies despairs?

Posted by madchen at 12:06 AM | Comments (7)

July 11, 2006

Happy Days are Here Again

Things have gone well with the family situation. Instead of a brain aneurysm, it looks now that my dad has an episode of transient global amnesia.

Background: Transient global amnesia (TGA) has been a well-described phenomenon for more than 40 years. Clinically, it manifests with a paroxysmal, transient loss of memory function. Immediate recall ability is preserved, as is remote memory; however, patients experience striking loss of memory for recent events and an impaired ability to retain new information. In some cases, the degree of retrograde memory loss is mild.
Many patients are anxious or agitated and may repeatedly ask questions concerning transpiring events. On mental status examination, language function is preserved, which indicates a preservation of semantic and syntax memory. Attention is spared, visual-spatial skills are intact, and social skills are retained. Symptoms typically last less than 24 hours. As the syndrome resolves, the amnesia improves, but the patient may be left with a distinct lapse of recollection for events during the attack.

Pathophysiology: The precise pathophysiology of TGA is not clear. On positron emission tomography (PET) and diffusion-weighted MRI (DWI), blood flow to specific brain areas that involve memory appears to be disrupted transiently during TGA. This includes the thalamus and/or mesial temporal structures (in particular the amygdala and hippocampus).

It doesn't seem likely to recur, and so everyone is keeping their fingers crossed. If all goes well, my parents might even be home by tomorrow night! (Guess I better clean the kitchen...)

And...that cable line has been repaired, connecting me with the larger world. I had NO idea how dependent I was on the internet/television/phone until I had to stop cold turkey. So even after having to wait for a FULL THREE HOURS after their "window" closed, I was delighted when the technician finally arrived and made miracles happen.

Of course, now the catch-up begins.

Photos are from the 4th of July, when Janie learned to spit watermelon seeds.

Posted by madchen at 09:18 PM | Comments (4)

July 10, 2006

Because My Life Isn't Complicated Enough

After a restless night, I woke up this morning to discover that the guys who cut the lawn had inadvertantly cut the cable line. That means no cable television, no internet service, and NO HOME PHONE LINE.

So now, in the midst of my family crisis, my house is an island of isolation. I can't do work (no internet), I can't distract myself with television (no cable), I can't be sure that people can get ahold of me (no home phone).

Geez, it's not been a very good start to the week.

On the other hand, I did finally get to talk to my dad, who commiserated over the cable line. He's off to do more invasive tests (like ones where they poke a little wire into his brain), since the MRI and CAT scan gave back "suspicious but inconclusive" results). He feels fine--just with a slight headache which he attributes to not being allowed a cup of morning coffee.

So for now, we're all in stasis mode. I'll be here for at least the rest of the day, and hopefully by tomorrow the cable will be restored. In the meantime, I'm sitting in a Starbucks with internet access and my cell phone, which has overnight become my new best friend.

Posted by madchen at 04:05 PM | Comments (1)

July 09, 2006

Stop

My dad is in an ICU on the other side of the country.

This weekend was supposed to be a much-needed pocket of alone time, with my parents in Oregon for a wedding and my sister and Janie in San Diego for the week. I've been reveling in the alone-ness of it all--walking around naked, hours of solitude, messes that only *I* would make. But when I returned to the house tonight and heard my mother's voice on the answering machine, being alone was suddenly a terrible fate bestowed by an unmerciful god.

"...can't remember anything from the last 48 hours...getting a CAT scan now...blood in the spinal cord...suggestive of bleeding in the brain...waiting for the neurosurgeon...will call you later when I know more..."

I was unable to get in touch with my mom or my sister. As I stood staring out the kitchen window, my phone in my hand, I realized I have no one else to call...this is why people are desperate for committed relationships.

Much like having my life flash before my eyes, I saw the faces of all my friends and recent amorous encounters. I could call her, but she lives so far away--and what could she do really? I could call him, but we don't really have that kind of relationship. I don't feel comfortable having a nervous breakdown in front of her--it would be too weird. My recent feelings of alienation (self-imposed, I assure you) seemed to rise up before me and cackle with irony.

I paced the house for a good twenty minutes, fluctuating between panicky sobs and a hollow calm. The phone, still clutched in my hand, refused to ring and I couldn't think straight enough to make a plan. Realizing I was a short hop away from full-blown hysteria, I decided to bite the bullet and call Ms. ADA, who had just this past week encouraged me to lean on my friends more. Without hesitation, she flew to my side "just to sit with you until you hear something". I have never been so grateful to have her as a friend.

Now, several hours later, I have been in contact with both my mom and my sister. My dad has been admitted to the ICU, and it's still unclear what the problem is--although his memory is coming back in pieces. We'll know more in the next 24 hours, but if Write Again Soon goes dark for a while, it's entirely likely that I've made a trip out to Oregon. Stay tuned.

Posted by madchen at 11:59 PM | Comments (5)

Hah-larious

Check out this site to see Write Again Soon gizoolged. Make sure you scroll down to see my whiny "Hater" entry become something different altogether. "Ho-slappin' tha exotic produce"--priceless.

This site alone might be enough to make me see the silver lining in the cloudy storm, yo.

Posted by madchen at 01:28 AM | Comments (0)

Wanderlust

One of my defining characteristics, and what probably sets me apart from most of my close friends, is an almost obsessive desire to travel. The more remote and more bizarre, the better. While I'm certainly not averse to sleeping in a pristine hotel room, I'm equally happy (and more able to afford) nights at a cheap hostel or sleeping overnight on a train. In fact, even now as I'm battling a major funk, I find that my brain has decided that the way to kick myself back into reality is to escape it altogether with an exotic trip somewhere.

Thankfully, cooler parts of my brain (and my pocketbook) prevail, and I'm not quite ready yet to jet off to another continent. Instead, I have been thumbing through some of my favorite travelogues (I didn't realize I had so many until I took a closer look at my bookshelves--clearly I've been sublimating more than I realized). So I was especially intrigued by an article in today's Washington Post: Expert's Picks: Travel & Adventure. The gist is that Tahir Shah -- an intrepid traveler -- lists which books best inspire wanderlust. And while reading the article did make me want to throw some things in a backpack and hit the Kenyan hillsides, I probably will just wander over to Barnes and Noble to pick up a couple of these gems:

-- Arabian Sands , by Wilfred Thesiger
-- Kon-Tiki: Across the Pacific by Raft , by Thor Heyerdahl
-- The Songlines , by Bruce Chatwin
-- Seven Years in Tibet , by Heinrich Harrer
-- Danger My Ally , by F.A. Mitchell-Hedges
-- Touch the Top of the World: A Blind Man's Journey to Climb Farther Than the Eye Can See , by Erik Weihenmayer

Posted by madchen at 01:08 AM | Comments (2)

July 07, 2006

Hater

This is the summer of my discontent.

Lots of time to read frivilous fiction, special attention for make-up and accessories, an hour in Whole Foods admiring the exotic produce, a new pair of pajamas--all my usual perk-me-up tricks have failed me. Spending time with my friends has me on the verge of tears, time with my family makes me want to scream, time alone leaves me restless and anxious. I'm angry and weepy and miserable. In short, I'm hating life.

Fortunately, I am also a very high-functioning hater.

So even though I want to kill my Big Idea collaborators and nothing would please me more than cancelling all my appointments for the next two weeks, I am somehow plodding on. I arrive smiling at happy hours and shill my wares. I answer the phone cheerfully and act interested in what people have to say. I cook a 3-dish vegan meal and listen to the same stories told three times and tolerate a shrieking 5-year old who does a great impersonation of Helen Keller at the dinner table. I clean up cat vomit and put away laundry and do yoga, and then lay awake at night for hours, planning my escape.

Ah yes, it is a joy to be me.

(Yes, dear reader, I recognize the symptoms. Now go away and leave me alone with my ennui. And yes, I recognize that symptom too.)

Posted by madchen at 12:17 AM | Comments (4)

July 04, 2006

A Little Etiquette, Please

"Aunt Jen, is that your gum on the dresser?

Yup.

"Do you want a piece?"

No thanks.

...insert pause...

"AUNT JEN!"

What?

"Aren't YOU supposed to ask ME something now?"

Janie, would you like a piece of gum?

"Yes I would, thank you for asking."

Posted by madchen at 11:21 PM | Comments (0)

Sensitive

Tonight I found myself driving home, crying over something silly (and probably swerving all over the place), and when I finally arrived I had an almost overwhelming impulse to throw some things in a suitcase and continue driving as far as my car could take me to start a new life somewhere else.

I mentally identified the three pairs of shoes that could carry me through my new role as waitress at a roadside diner, and the pajamas that would be most appropriate for long, hot nights in Guatemala. I decided to take my iPod, but leave my laptop--since I had no reason to believe I would ever want to communicate with anyone from my old life again. No, I would be too busy hiking in Moab, camping in Joshua Tree, and getting my kicks on Route 66.

I calculated how much money it would take to buy a one-way ticket to Mexico City, how long I could live on the local economy, and how I would cope with the inevitable digestive problems from drinking the local water. I actually decided that enduring the misery of bacterial disease on the floor of a shabby hotel room in Oaxaca was preferable to admitting defeat and crawling into my own bed to face another day.

I sat in the darkened car, debating my options. I had $60 in cash and access to a couple thousand dollars in the bank. Although I had no idea where I was going, it would be rather an adventure to just start driving and see where I ended up. And even though it would be uncomfortable, I supposed I could sleep in the car if I couldn't find a hotel once I got tired. It was time for a change--and any change, as long as it was drastic, would do.

Instead I went inside, washed my face, tidied up the bathroom, and folded some laundry. But I did take a long look at my overnight bag and wondered how far I could get on single tank of gas.

Posted by madchen at 12:30 AM | Comments (3)

July 03, 2006

Bwa-ha-ha

The power, the sheer POWER!!

Mr. Bastish has relinquished the reigns of his blog to me, and I am going to have a lot of fun in the next 59 days. Make sure you check out his site regularly, if only to see the difference between my entries and those his mom uploads from Michigan.

Enjoy!

Posted by madchen at 02:55 AM | Comments (1)

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