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December 30, 2005
A Christmas Gift the Gestapo Would Love
For the past four days, I have been in torment. Somehow, my Christmas cold--which came and went as quickly as Santa Claus on his sleigh--left in its wake a sinus headache. And not just any sinus headache, but one where any vertical movement of my head results in waves of agony spilling out of my eyesockets and cascading throughout my body. At any given second, I want to scream in pain and explore whether a fork up my nose would improve my situation.
I've taken decongestants, but then read that they can actually make sinus pain worse (especially if the pain isn't accompanied by congestion), so then I stopped. And then it was suggested that perhaps I should just try a different kind of medication, so I tried Tylenol Sinus and Benadryl Sinus, and even Nyquil (if only for the blissful sleep it allows me). But nothing worked. At this point, I'm ready to call it a brain tumor and have done with it.
But even with this excruciating pain, which deprives me even of the simple things in life--like the screeching sound of Janie's voice, pretending for HOURS to be Serafina my kitten--this anguish was nothing, NOTHING compared to the joys I experienced this afternoon when I tried out Jessica's Christmas present: an epilator.
If you aren't familiar with the concept of epilation, it's most basic definition is "the removal of the entire hair, including the part below the skin." And just in case you don't quite get it, here's the product description from Amazon:
Quickly remove hair from your legs, bikini line and underarms with the Braun Silk-epil Soft Perfection. Unlike shaving, this unique electric system uses a series of tweezers to pull out hair as short as 0.5mm and remove stubble that lies flat against the skin. The EfficiencyPro clip makes sure that the tweezing head keeps in contact with your skin, so you remove more hairs per stroke. A 4-way pulsating pain softener stimulates the skin to offset the pulling sensation, making your epilation experience is as comfortable as possible. Includes a silver mesh carrying case. Made in USA.
Imagine the scene from the 40 Year Old Virgin, where he's waxed within an inch of his life. Then, imagine that instead of a wax strip, which cleanly (if painfully) removes the hair in one fell swoop, a tool resembling a cross between a hand-held weedwacker and a rotating set of tweezer clamps was slowly applied to the skin. It's like being electrocuted (was that the "skin stimulation" the product description referred to?), tweezed, and tortured--all at the same time.
Yes, there was blood (I'm not clear if it was from the plucking of the hairs, or the occasional nip of the skin). Yes, there was pain. I'm happy to say there were no tears, but I did nearly bite my tongue off the first time the epilator touched my armpit. And when it was all over, I realized I was covered in a sheen of sweat. Merry Christmas to me.
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And now, a scene from yesterday's interaction with Janie (aka Serafina the kitten):
Me: You know Janie, one of the reasons I love having cats is that they can play by themselves. In fact, sometimes they play in a completely different room!
Janie: (offended, sulks out of the room)
Me: (sighs with relief, as 20 minutes of shrill MEOW, MEOW, MEOW is about all I can take at once)
Janie: (a few minutes later, at the doorway) Excuse me, do any of you have a cat?
Me: I do.
Janie: A cat named Serafina?
Me: Yes. Where is she?
Janie: (matter-of-factly) Your cat is dead.
Me: WHAT??
Janie: Your cat was in the woods and a wild penguin came up and shot her with a gun. Yup, she's dead.
Me: (speechless)
Posted by madchen at 09:52 PM | Comments (0)December 28, 2005
Motivated
Every once in a while I get really motivated. This week seems to be one of those times. After a few months of just sliding by with no real direction, I seem to have suddenly jumped into third gear (let's not get crazy just yet) and found that my life is pretty full after all.
The most exciting development is that I've finally purchased tickets to Europe for January. What was originally a week-long trip to see a friend in Budapest then evolved into a two week trip that tacked on an additional week in Prague with Ms. Leading by Learning. But then I thought, "why not just make it a REAL trip?" and thus added an extra 11 days. That's right, I'll be gone for almost a whole month! While I haven't quite decided how to spend that last portion of the trip, I'm thinking that a solo journey in Italy sounds mighty nice.
Secondly, the Big Idea is heating up. I spent several hours today setting up all my listservs and drafting updates to the business website. The Big Idea has been officially listed as a "partner" for the company in Connecticut, and proposals for a new project are floating around with various potential sponsors. Additional Big Idea projects that I'm working on include submitting an abstract proposal for a conference in Austria (a publication would be a nice boost to my Big Idea credibility), helping with a draft energy policy (that may or may not lead to work in the future), and getting involved with my local industry networks.
Third, I'm coming along with New Year's Resolutions. It's taken me more time than usual to decide on the issues I want to tackle in 2006, but I'm almost ready to proclaim them ready for publication.
It's now almost 3 p.m. and I have the following tasks to complete:
-- Going to the gym: I've taken a hiatus from the gym for the last couple of weeks, and BOY does it show. While the scale has not shifted, drastic action must be taken before I begin to resemble the blob. Status: completed at 9:45 p.m.
-- Finishing the laundry: the situation was grim this morning, as I collected all the dirty clothes from my room and the bathroom. Once I threw in the bedsheets, towels, and bathmat, I was looking at 4 loads at least. Actually, 4 loads isn't so much, but I still find myself thinking in Swedish laundry terms, where 4 loads really equals 12 loads. Oh how I love the American washing machine! Status: completed at 11:49 p.m.
-- Cleaning my room: the cold virus (the one that has subsided into just a tickle cough and ugly sinus pressure) has created a maelstrom of Kleenex throughout my room, as well as contributed to a general state of disarray. My recent splurge at Barnes and Noble has also led to a dire need for a bookshelf, although I'm not sure where I would find room for one in my already furniture-saturated abode. Status: completed at 4:30 p.m.
-- Finishing my non-fiction book club book (which was supposed to be done a month ago, but I'm finding it a real snoozer) and starting (and finishing) my fiction book club book (a mere 319 pages in less than a week--that's doable, right?). No more television for me, I think. It's such a time-suck.
Posted by madchen at 02:34 PM | Comments (1)December 27, 2005
Clothing Blunders
On my way to the movies this morning (an 11 a.m. showing of Chicken Little with Jess and Janie), I reached for my new-ish cream sweater. As I unfolded it and prepared to put it on, I noticed that the "size L" sticker was still stuck to the front.
Now, I've worn this sweater twice before, which either means that a) people noticed the "size L" stuck on my left breast and didn't say anything, which would be humiliating, or b) that no one looks at my chest anymore, which is sad in another way.
Posted by madchen at 10:29 AM | Comments (1)Theme Music
I was flipping though the TV channels this evening when I happened to come across professional wrestling--WWE on USA, to be exact. I'm not a huge fan, but looking back I have to admit that I've seen my fair share of it over the years.
It all began with Rock 'n Wrestling, a mid-80s Saturday-morning cartoon series featuring the stars of the World Wrestling Federation. Living in Guam, I guess there wasn't much to watch, because I remember at least three distinct episodes, including one where a character decides to go on a diet and seeks advice from Andre the Giant.
My involvement with professional wrestling then took a hiatus until grad school (which, given my previous enjoyment of Rock 'n Wrestling, was no sure thing). A fellow classmate was completely enamoured of the sport, and could give a better play-by-play of the fights than the actual announcer. He was so entertaining that the entire grad school department came over to his place when he hosted a pay-per-view Wrestlemania party in 2000. I can't remember who won, but I believe the fight included some shenanigans with a ladder.
Since then, I haven't really watched wrestling, other than thoroughly enjoying the commercials that advertised the WWE was moving networks to USA. Nonetheless, occasionally it crosses my mind (especially when I've been watching a lot of television).
What I find especially intriguing is the idea of ring music. If you're not a die-hard fan of wrestling, let me explain (or rather, have Wikipedia explain):
Music in professional wrestling serves a variety of purposes.
The most common uses of music is that of the entrance theme, a song or piece of instrumental music which plays as a performer approaches the ring. After a match, the entrance theme of the victor will normally be played as they exit the ring. Entrance themes are used to alert the audience to the immediate arrival of a wrestler, and to increase anticipation.
Entrance themes are often tailored to the character of the wrestler they are written or selected for. For example, Jacob and Eli Blu (The Blu Brothers) had an entrance theme which resembled a piece of Blues music. The Undertaker has often used entrance themes which resemble a dirge. In practise, modern day entrance themes are normally rock or rap music, as these genres of music are popular with the professional wrestling key demographics.
The Wikipedia entry (you have to wonder what noble citizens compiled this information) goes on to list, in alphabetical order, entrance themes according to the wrestler who uses them.
So now I'm thinking, how great would it be if the world were set up so that each person had an entrance theme that played a split second before they walked into a room? It would instantly announce your arrival, and signal the victor at the end of every conversation, debate, and confrontation. Imagine it:
You're sitting in a staff meeting, waiting for everyone to show. Suddenly, the lights flash and Martha Wainwright's "Stupid Bloody Motherf***ing Asshole" comes over the loudspeaker. You immediately know to stop talking about your boss, even before she arrives in the doorway a second later.
Or...
You are having a fight with your boyfriend. It's one of those disagreements that is unlikely to be resolved, because both of you believe you're in the right. Are you doomed to hash out the same tired arguments time and time again, because no clear winner can be established? Not with theme music! Saving yourself a lot of time and effort, it's immediately clear who won this fight, and you can move on to new issues--and you don't even need to break a chair over his head.
Of course, this brings up a very important question: what would my theme music be? I've been pondering it for several hours and I can't quite come up with the perfect song. Sort of like my alias: I've been working on it for years, trying out fake names on restaurant waiting lists and signing up for mailing lists with nom de plumes. I can't decide, however, because once you've decided on an alias (or theme music), you're sort of committed. You know?
Posted by madchen at 02:02 AM | Comments (2)December 25, 2005
Christmas Crime
In what will henceforth be referred to at the 2006 Christmas Caper, a tragedy befell our family over the holiday weekend. Actually, it befell me...and now that I think about it, it's rather an unusual coincidence that *I* was the sole victim of this crime, while all the other family members escaped unscathed. Here's the story:
My stocking was kidnapped.
Yes, it's true. While all the other family stockings emerged from the attic in a neat little pile, my stocking was MIA. There was some confusion among the witnesses (Jess brought them down from the attic, where they made a pit stop in Janie's room--where a football field could easily disappear in the clutter--and then they were brought down by my mom. It seemed like a shell game to me, but at the end of the day, the stocking was unrecovered and presumed gone forever. There wasn't enough evidence for an indictment, so I had to cut the suspects loose.
After conceding the loss, I ended up using The Boyfriend Stocking (TBS).
TBS was originally purchased for S in Japan, who turned out to be an angry alcoholic cheater (it was, however, a nice Christmas--he got me a silver ring). TBS was left in storage during the era of J, who was perhaps the best gift-giver in the bunch, but who never spent Christmas with the family and was ultimately kicked to the curb. At long last, TBS was brought out for C, who was mistakenly identified as "The One". In a unseemly flip-flop (and after a year of serious dating), he surprised me on Christmas by NOT getting me a present, then told me I was "The One" on New Years, and then broke my heart a mere 4 days later VIA EMAIL. Six years later I'm still angry and bitter, may he burn in Hell forever.
Since then, TBS has basically hung out with the other Christmas decorations--never one of the beloved accoutrements, but never quite relegated to the Good Will pile. And thank goodness for that, because TBS was called to its greatest duty late last night when the family had to face the truth that my stocking (made by my mom when I was a baby) was not coming back.
It performed its duty admirably, and I am a happy post-Christmas girl.
Posted by madchen at 10:01 PM | Comments (2)December 23, 2005
All I Want For Christmas...
...is a better immune system.
On the afternoon of a very promising girls night, it started with a sore throat. A couple hours later I had progressed to a back ache, headache, and sniffly nose. Grr.
So instead of hanging with my girls, eating Chinese food and partaking of amusing DVDs, I am home in my own germ-ridden bubble of contagion. I decided it was better NOT to share the love. Now I have the whole evening before me, and it would probably be a good idea to do a little cleaning. I haven't even gotten around to unpacking from my trip to Connecticut (aside from the essentials--I assure you, dear Reader, that my toothbrush has been returned to the bathroom and used on a regular basis since my return) and there are books piled everywhere. My kingdom for a bookshelf--and an apartment to put the bookshelf in!
At least I can still breathe through my nose, which means I will be able to avoid the dreaded "disgusting dry mouth when waking" problem--unquestionably the most terrible of the cold symptoms. That gift, I think I will save for Christmas Eve.
Posted by madchen at 10:24 PM | Comments (1)December 22, 2005
Home for the Holidays
I'm back in happy, little Maryland. Although I enjoyed my time in Connecticut (and a fun, if pavement intensive evening in New York City--damn transit strike), it's good to be home with the family again.
So far today, I've watched an episode of The Baby Story, an episode of Bringing Home Baby, eaten 3 Riece's Peanut Butter Cups, and fixed some clip-on earrings. Obviously, Janie is here with me. We're debating how to spend the rest of the day. Seeing as it's nearly 11 a.m. and I'm still in my pajamas, it's not looking promising.
Posted by madchen at 10:36 AM | Comments (0)December 19, 2005
Connecticut
I'm here in Milford, Connecticut--perhaps the most charming locale in the state. I'm sitting at a desk next to a window overlooking the harbor, and in a minute I'm going to put on my coat and walk less than a block to enjoy a delicious crepe. Is it too late for me to move here?
I've had an amazingly productive 2 days, and have even completed my FIRST paid job for The Big Idea. It was quite small, but still--it's something. Plus, I'm neck-deep in great ideas for the future.
Suddenly, this crazy notion to start my own business doesn't seem so ridiculous.
Posted by madchen at 03:36 PM | Comments (1)December 17, 2005
Hip
I had no idea I was so hip, so urban, so with it. That's right, I just spent a night on the town in D.C.'s newest hotspot, Chinatown. Who knew that making merry with friends (including Ms. Rather Be Traveling and Ms. Wish to See) at Fado would add to our street cred?
Damn its nice to be so ahead of the curve on these issues of utmost importance.
On an entirely unrelated issue, I laughed myself silly when reading this.
Posted by madchen at 12:44 AM | Comments (0)December 16, 2005
Bwa-ha-ha
I was just looking at volunteer opportunities at the very fun VFP website:
VFP is a Vermont non-profit (501 (c) (3) membership corporation which has been coordinating International Voluntary Service since 1982. We do not have any religious or political affiliation. VFP is an Executive Committee member of the Coordinating Committee for International Voluntary Service (CCIVS) at UNESCO and works in cooperation with Service Civil International (SCI), the Alliance of European Voluntary Service Organizations, and International Youth Action for Peace (YAP).
Anyway, I was searching for all MTV (medium term volunteer programs, for 3-6 months) programs in 2006. So far, there are 21 programs to choose from--but many more will be added in the next few weeks. But I digress. I was scanning the column that lists the countries. I'm not really interested in going to Asia (the language is too hard to learn), nor am I particularly interested in going to Europe (if you're going to volunteer, make it somewhere exotic). So I'm quickly discarding the options (Japan, South Korea, England) when I come to a country I've never hear of: Usa. Is it a small island in the Caribbean? The south pacific? Visions of white beaches and blue waters dance before my eyes. I must learn more!
No, no. Upon further inspection, the project is in Arizona, Usa, which probably does not meet my "exotic" requirements.
Posted by madchen at 12:48 AM | Comments (0)Time for a Change
Tomorrow is my last day as a gainfully employed person. That's right, my contract runs out in 24 hours. The gravy train has ended.
Sniff.
I suppose that means its time to get proactive about my future--to create a strategy that inspires a synergy of my interests and skills, and culminates in a multifunctional platform for change! And hopefully makes me a millionaire before I'm thirty.
As a first step (other than finishing my last contract assignment--hee, hee), I'm off to Connecticut for a couple days next week. I'll be meeting with a small company that does innovative things. With any luck, soon they will want to do innovative things in partnership with my own fledging company.
As a second step, I'm also in the middle of applying for a volunteer program that would send me to Africa for a year. Totally random, I know. But in lieu of another driving passion, adding human rights and international development fieldwork to my resume seems like a dandy idea.
Sadly, there is no third step--other than to seriously ramp up my social life in the coming weeks. I have my eyes set on a mysterious man (no details will be forthcoming, so just forget about leaving pleading comments), and my trip to Budapest/Prague in a month is coming along splendidly. I also have a holiday happy hour tomorrow night that promises to lead to late-night fun in D.C.
Too bad the weather is so crappy. The snow on the ground refuses to melt, and tonight we're getting a dousing of freezing rain. I count my lucky stars that I work from home (at least, for the next 24 hours, after which time I'll be just "sitting" at home), but even so, the slick streets make showing off my spectacular new shoes a life-risking adventure.
Posted by madchen at 12:17 AM | Comments (0)December 13, 2005
Self-Improvement
No time to write--must immediately lose 20 pounds, get whiter teeth, a new wardrobe, and better personality!! With only 18 days left in 2005, there is not enough time to radically reshape my life AND maintain a witty blog.
Posted by madchen at 05:55 PM | Comments (3)December 08, 2005
People I Would Hate To Be Right Now
1. Condoleeza Rice . No matter what she believes, she's in a tight spot.
2. A day laborer in Herndon. Ugh, the whole minute-man thing makes me want to throw open our borders in apology, and then go take a shower.
3. Tom DeLay. Even if these charges go away (and I'm undecided about that possibility), his reelection is in serious jeopardy. And rightly so -- just desserts, and all that.
Posted by madchen at 11:32 PM | Comments (0)4:42
It's the middle of the night and here I am, sitting in front of the computer. Did I just come in from a wild night at the clubs? Am I planning on a pre-dawn trip to the gym? Are digestive problems interrupting my sleep? One of these answers is correct, and has nothing to do with dancing or exercise.
Not that I have that much to say tonight, but I've exhausted my TV choices (ahh, Celebrity Poker, how I love thee) and I'm too tired to do anything productive. So I'll just try to remember the wild, exciting things that have made my life worthwhile over the past several days. Hmm, it does not look promising.
First of all, yesterday I had a meeting with the Ph.D. people at American University. The result was that now I'm seriously questioning my interest in another graduate program. I'd never been to an "informational interview" and I felt like I had walked into a special club where I didn't know the secret handshake. It was a little pretentious (or maybe that was just my outsider-looking-into-the-very-very-very-special world of doctoral academics) and I just didn't feel like it was the "right" place for me. For one thing, it seems a little silly to try and sell yourself for an exclusive program that--in the end--really means that 6 years of my life will be spent moving towards a career in academics, when really I know that I'm not particularly interested (or good at) teaching. Something about my intolerance for stupid people, many of whom seem to get into college with little or no problem. So maybe my chances in this program are better than I think.
Second, as part of a little self-appointed project, I've begun collecting updates from my former classmates in Sweden. The goal is to put together a little "where are they now" newsletter that would provide updates on everyone's activities over the past 6 months. I have to say that talking to most of them has given me a little boost in self-confidence. For one thing, it seems like a bunch of people are still trying to make meaningful career choices. Either they are still looking for work, have gone back to their old jobs, or have taken "other" jobs in hopes that something better will come along. So it's not just me--hurray! At the same time, most people are phrasing things in a really positive light, and I wonder what everyone's honest assessment of the Sweden program was. As I look back, I have to admit that while the whole experience was great, the academic program has not positioned me to be more successful in my career--which is super-ironic, since the whole point of the program was about "strategically moving towards success".
Third...hmmm...I don't really have a third point. Oh, I saw Vanity Fair last night. On a scale of 1-5, I would have to give it a 3. I wasn't a huge fan of the type of story (a little Dickens-ish for my taste), but the acting was nice and the costumes were lovely. On the other hand, I would like to recommend a troika of independent films, which I highly recommend for immediate viewing: Pieces of April, The Station Agent, In America. Taken together (or over the course of 2 weeks), these movies made me want to become an actress, or at least a film critic. Dear Reader, go rent them NOW.
Ok, I think that's enough for now. I'm going to crawl into bed and try to ignore the churning nausea and hope that I'm bright and chipper in the morning. There is a growing list of things to do, and procrastination does not seem to be the best approach any more.
Posted by madchen at 04:42 AM | Comments (3)December 05, 2005
Word Problems
Question 1: After spending a lovely weekend in Blacksburg with your friend Mandy, you are scheduled to drive back to Washington, D.C. on Monday morning. At 8 a.m. you wake up and discover that there is a winter storm advisory for the entire area, with expectations of 6-12 inches of snow. You look outside and notice that the snow, scheduled to begin falling at 9 a.m., has not yet arrived. What do you do?
a) Realize that you own a Miata, perhaps the most snow-unfriendly car ever made, and decide that a 4+ hour drive through near-blizzard conditions is unwise. Go back to bed.
b) Realize that--even though circumstances might not be ideal--you have appointments on Tuesday morning that CANNOT be rescheduled. Scramble to pack your car.
Correct Answer: B
Question 2: It takes you 15 minutes to get dressed, pack your clothes, and load up the car. Unfortunately, it's now 8:30 a.m. and the snow has started. Mandy is uneasy about your leaving now that the snow has started, and she is more than willing to let you stay another couple of days. You also realize that you COULD change your Tuesday morning appointment to a phone call. What do you do?
a) Weather be damned--you're no tool of the elements! Get in your car and try to outrun the approaching storm.
b) Take your good friend's advice and go back inside. Better to live to see another day.
c) Hedge your bets. Get in the car, drive 3 blocks, notice how slippery it is, turn around and go back to the house.
Correct Answer: A
Question 3: Once past Roanoke, you notice that the weather has dramatically improved. You decide to:
a) Ensure that you stay ahead of the storm by going 80 mph the rest of the way home, narrowly avoiding several speeding tickets by your wits alone.
b) Utilize this rare opportunity to think about your life, your goals, and your dreams of the future--realizing that when it comes right down to it, you'd much rather have an adventure-filled life alone than find yourself with a husband and kids in the suburbs.
c) Devote a long stretch of "Virginia's Technology Corridor" (a part of the highway surrounded by cow pastures and rolling hills) to visualizing Jake Gyllenhaal and his scantily-clad friends in Jarhead, which you enjoyed with Mandy the night before. Engage in wistful reminiscence of days long past.
d) Engage in a hearty round of the "sing at the top of your lungs" game. Belt out the Hallelujah Chorus, Kayne West, The Mamas and the Papas, and Madonna, among others. Discover that you cannot get Johnny Cashs' Folsom Prison Blues out of your head, perhaps because Joaquin Phoenix did such a delightful rendition in Walk the Line, which you also saw this weekend.
Correct Answer: E (all of the above)
Posted by madchen at 06:21 PM | Comments (3)December 04, 2005
Being Local
I'm sitting in More Than Coffee, a charming little establishment on Main Street. After having a Shish Tawook (don't ask) for lunch, I've been working on some consulting stuff and Ms. Leading by Learning has been investigating the inner workings of her small town.
We've been having a splendid time so far, visiting all the local hangouts, commiserating over the poor shopping opportunities that Blacksburg and Christiansburg offer, and marveling over the high-quality sushi found in this southwest corner of Virginia.
It's been so good to see Ms. LbL. Even though we've been terrible remiss in keeping in touch since our returns from Sweden, we've been able to pick up just like old times. I think I've even convinced her to come to Prague for a week in January to meet up during my whirlwind tour of Eastern Europe. (More on that later.)
I've forgotten how much I enjoyed Blacksburg, for all its small town quirks. People down here are SO pleasant, things are so inexpensive, and the town is just beautiful. The only negative is that my 5-hour drive tomorrow looks to be complicated by "heavy snowfall".
Oops, I'm running out of battery power.
Posted by madchen at 01:24 PM | Comments (2)December 01, 2005
7 Minutes
In seven minutes, I'm going to step away from the computer and finish packing. Well, six.
I'm off to Blacksburg, Virginia, home of my alma mater (is "alma mater" an appropriate term for grad school?) and current residence of my very good friend Ms. Leading by Learning. Ms. LbL and her husband will be housing me for the weekend, and hopefully showing me a good time. With any luck, by tomorrow night I'll be having a cider at The Cellar, home to many a night of grad school plotting to take over the world.
D'oh. Three minutes. Looking up The Cellar website took precious seconds.
I've been SO lazy over the past two days. Even knowing that I'm leaving in the wee hours of the morning (say, nine) has not motivated me to complete the myriad tasks necessary for a long weekend away from home. Thankfully, the crucial laundry is done, the dishes are in the dishwasher, the cats are fed, and the rows of shoes have been returned to their proper place in the closet.
On the other hand, I haven't deposited my last paycheck, put the new registration sticker on my car (oops, I'm now driving illegally), gone to the ATM, packed my clothes, downloaded the appropriate documents so that I can work over the weekend, or gone to the gym to work off my McDonald's dinner.
So with 1 minute to go, what am I thinking about? Well, I'm wondering if I really NEED to finish packing tonight, because I seem to recall that Law and Order reruns are on TNT.
Posted by madchen at 11:53 PM | Comments (0)
