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September 01, 2005
Ideal Day - WEbring Assignment #5
From Ms. Maryment:
If you could spend tomorrow doing anything (the "ideal day"), what would it be?
AND
Compare/contrast this day with what your ideal day might have been 10 years ago.
This is a most difficult WEbring topic, which I find very unexpected. How hard is it to describe a perfect day? I suppose that, because I'm largely free to dictate my own schedule, every day should be my ideal day. The problem is that there isn't just one ideal day--there's an infinite number of them.
For example, today was an ideal day because I finally got to see a near-finished website for the Big Idea. And I finally sent off the reports to my very fist clients. It's an amazing experience to be starting my own business, and today I finally got to reap the benefits of my effort.
On the other hand, an ideal day is one where I wake up early (but not exhausted) and go shopping with friends. I find the perfect pair(s) of shoes and discover that I look stunning in every outfit I try on--AND everything happens to be on sale.
Then again, I think one of my favorite things is traveling--and that's an experience where every day is different. I would gladly skip the actual "traveling", since hours on an airplane isn't exactly fun, but the exploring new places, trying to speak to the locals in my broken phrases, and taking pictures of my adventures is one of the best times.
I guess I'm pretty happy with most days.
Now, 10 years ago...
I had just returned from a summer in Japan to live with a family friend and finish my senior year of high school in MD while my family stayed abroad. Little did I know that my winter of discontent was soon to arrive. Within two months, I would lose my best friend since 7th grade, get dumped by my boyfriend of 2 years, and fall into a deep and terrible form of clinical depression. I would miss almost half of my school days, go into intensive therapy, and eventually end up on antidepressants.
It was a hard year. During that time, an ideal day would have been my boyfriend arriving at my doorstep to announce that he still loved me, that it had all been a mistake, and that everything would be right from then on. Instead, he asked out a mutual friend (in fact, it was Ms. Maryment), placing all of the other school friends in a tough place. [Note to self: since all WEbring members are from that original group, might there be a topic for future detabe over senior year angst?]
Looking back, I am amazed at the kindness of my friends, the depths of my alienation and sadness, and the insight of my dad--who immediately knew that something was wrong when he visited from Japan in October. In fact, my real relationship with him began during that time, when he rescued me from myself by insisting that it was real and important and okay to be feeling this way.
Now, with ten years behind me, with both the boyfriend and Ms. Maryment happily married (although, thank heavens, not to each other), I realize what a silly and powerful thing that relationships are--how they have the potential to both create crisis and see us through the most difficult times.
Having been in such a dark place, it's easier now to see the "ideal day" in every day--even the sad ones. Because every day is unique and irreplacable, and once it's over it's gone forever. And because every day adds to the total of all my days, and I wouldn't be the person I am today without a single one of them.
Comments
Jen:
I love you!
Dad
Posted by: DDW at September 1, 2005 12:45 PM
