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April 25, 2005
Basic Human Needs - Identity
Basic Human Need: Identity.
Being (qualities): sense of belonging, self-esteem, consistency.
Having (things): language, religions, work, customs, values, norms.
Doing (actions): get to know oneself, grow, commit oneself.
Interacting (settings): places one belongs to, everyday settings.
Over the past few years, I've been questioning my identity. I suppose this is part and parcel of the "quarter-life crisis". I've been trying to find my place in this world, trying to decide what kind of person I want to be, and trying to make choices and create opportunities that will allow me to become that person. It's a rough time.
This past year in Sweden has given me a wonderful opportunity to step outside of "normal life" and think deeply about the issue of identity. Setting aside the everyday routine of a job, a home, and a boyfriend (or the search for a boyfriend) has been unique. For that reason alone, the decision to come to Karlskrona has been worth it. In particular, being outside of American culture has given me a chance to critically evaluate its strengths and weaknesses, and decide which parts of it I want to embrace, and which I want to leave behind.
So, what kind of person do I want to be? There are so many aspects of that question that it seems impossible to answer in a few sentences…So, in a repeat of an early blog entry, I will instead phrase it as "I want to be a person who…" Having had a few more months to think about it, I wonder if my answers will have changed at all.
1. I want to be a person who stands up for what she believes is right. Even if my opinions of what "right" is change over time, I want to be able to look back and say that I made informed decisions with the best intentions. I don't want to look back and think, "I wish I had taken a stand, rather than sitting back and waiting for others to act."
2. I want to be a person who knows herself. Dealing honestly with myself is a challenge. On the one hand, I think I am fairly self-critical. On the other hand, I consciously choose not to acknowledge certain issues because I know they will lead to emotional angst. I have a hard time justifying the choice to open myself up to that kind of intense reflection without seeing a substantial reward of some kind.
3. I want to be actively involved in my local community. Even if I choose to move around every few years, I want to be a part of the neighborhood. I want to go to town hall meetings, sit on the board of public works, be a "local" at the coffee shop around the corner, and I want have my neighbors over for BBQs every summer.
4. I want to be a person who takes calculated risks. I don't want to be staid, but neither do I want to be a foolish risk-taker. I want to critically evaluate situations and make the bold choice. At the same time, I want to be a planner who makes sure that there is a secure safety net in place, just in case that bold choice is a disaster.
5. I want to be a good friend. Ahh—here's the hardest one. I have a feeling that I might not be a very good friend. The problem is that I usually don't feel like I need to make any extra effort—especially when I realize that I make more effort than a lot of the others in my group of friends. (Actually, at some point I should really define "friend"—I think that a lot of my old friendships, especially those from high school have faded to mere acquaintances.) And yet, I can immediately identify those friends who DO take the extra time to keep up (EF and AA, that's you!!), and I admire them immensely for it. I need to find better ways to be a good friend, especially from afar.
6. I want to be an "citizen of the world". If the conference in Austria taught me nothing else, it's that language is essential. One of my first priorities when I finish this program will be to enroll in a language class, wherever I am. In fact, I might stay for the summer in Salzburg and take some immersion German—if the job doesn't come through.
And now, a new and improved list of THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE.
(The previous list was lost somewhere in London, but I know that several items have since been accomplished, including skydiving, lasik eye surgery, and living abroad.)
1. Learn to speak German fluently.
2. Learn to speak Spanish proficiently.
3. Visit Macchu Pichu. (And learn how to spell it correctly.)
4. Go on an African safari.
5. Write a book.
6. Get a Ph.D.
7. Go on a solo vacation.
8. Run a 5k.
9. See all 7 continents.
10. Learn to swim laps.
I'm sure there are other, better things to add to this list, but I think I'm satisfied for tonight.
Comments
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Posted by: Janie at April 25, 2005 09:36 PM
I think you should write a book in German and then translate it to Spanish. The book can be based on your PhD study, and you can do the translation as you wander across Africa alone.
Posted by: kevin at April 26, 2005 02:36 AM
