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April 14, 2005
Basic Human Needs - Creation
Basic Human Need: Creation
Being (qualities): imagination, boldness, inventiveness, curiosity.
Having (things): abilities, skills, work, techniques.
Doing (actions): invent, build, design, work, compose, interpret.
Interacting (settings): spaces for expression, workshops, audiences.
My greatest creation this year has definitely been my blog. In the past couple of years, I had kept a private journal with great regularity. I found that it helped me to mentally organize my time, review the day's events, and revel in my less-kind instincts. Going public, as I did last July, was a big step.
Yet in some ways, my blog is very much the same as my old private journals. Lots of the time, I just write about what I did that day. No deep feelings, no personal revelations. For one thing, although it might be less interesting to read, the "chronicle" approach has been helpful when I've needed to look back and remember what I was doing on a particular day. How long did Jim and I date? When did I first begin to sense my dissatisfaction with the program? Are there trends in my mood that I should be aware of?
In other ways, though, this blog has challenged me to be creative. At the beginning of this year I made the following New Year's Resolution:
I will update my journal regularly, and make a special effort to write about things other than my daily routine. The "journal" issue is something I've been struggling with for the last month or so. I wish I could be more thoughtful about my writing, but there are a couple of things holding me back.
- First, a public journal (which my parents, friends, and classmates can read) is a little intimidating--I know I am self-censoring at some level. In my previous private journals, there is discussion at a more intimate level. I would like to be this honest in my blog, but I worry that I will offend people--particularly my parents. If I decide to be completely honest (which I think would be more rewarding in the long run), I have to deal with the potential disgust from readers.
- Second, there is an inherent tension between recording my daily activities (which I *do* find important) and delving into deeper issues. I just don't have a commitment to writing for hours and hours each day, and I'm not sure how to make the most out of my writing time.
- Third, there are issues that I need to address, but that I just don't want to deal with. I'm even reluctant to mention them here, because committing them to paper (or computer memory) indicates that I realize they are important and have some responsibility to address. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Since January, I've made a conscious attempt to make good on this resolution. But how well have I done?
- Well, I've certainly achieved a better balance of introspection and a daily recitation of events. But now I kind of miss having a detailed record of my humdrum existence. Not that I do much around here—just thesis work, watching Alias with Roya, and…well…that's about it.
- I think I'm being more honest, although there are still issues that I don't even begin to address. Again, I'm hesitant to even commit them to paper. At some point, there will need to be a reckoning, but for now, I'm content to be in Egypt.
Beyond the blog, I think I've done a really great job at finding other ways to be creative. Hooking up with the Saratoga Foundation was a great opportunity to further explore women's rights in Africa and, more recently, to try my hand at op-ed writing (we just submitted it to a local NY paper). Working as a volunteer has given me a great deal of freedom to pursue my own interests within a structured environment, which is my favorite medium.
And, of course, my thesis work is another way I'm fulfilling my basic human need for creation. Although I'm working in a team, I'm basically the one driving the process (for better and for worse), so I feel a sense of responsibility to create something lasting and meaningful.
As I look to the future, I am realizing that I need to find a job that allows me the opportunity to create something. In some ways, it's very important for me to feel ownership over what I do, so that I can step back and say *I* did this. Whether that means having the time to keep volunteering, or getting published, or doing some home renovation (after I find a home, of course), creation will be vital to my happiness.
