« September 2004 | Main | November 2004 »
October 31, 2004
Kayaking
It's nearly midnight and I'm back safe and sound from my kayaking trip. Actually, I've been back for hours, but have just now found time to sit down and catch up on my email and Internet.
The kayaking trip was great. We met at the school around 11:30 a.m., and unloaded all of our stuff in the common room. Kevin has his own kayak, so he paddled over to the Karlskrona Kayak Club (Karlskrona Eskimåklubb) while Mitch and I rode our bikes over to Langö.
The kayak club is a fun little house with a dock and a row of storage facilities. The guy at the club outfitted us with kayaks, spray skirts, life vests, paddles, and kayaks, and sent us off. Kevin and Mitch both have significant kayaking experience, so I was in good hands. We had managed to borrow tents from Amity and Scotty, so along with Kevin's tent, we each had a roomy place to sleep. I borrowed David's sleeping bag, which was rated to -5°C, but still left my feet cold. It was, however, the roomiest sleeping bag I've ever used, allowing me to do a full 360° roll without getting tangled up.
After a detailed inventory of gear, everything was stored away in the kayaks and we set off. We paddled for a little over an hour and found our way to Skärva, a little village past Nattraby. One of the small group presentations on Friday was about Skärva and the Wachtmeister family who lives there and runs an "ecobutik" of natural foods. None of us had been there yet, so we pulled our kayaks up on the shore and did a little hiking. We weren't exactly sure which way we were going, so hiking through the soggy forest was both beautiful and mysterious. After a while, we ran into a fence that declared we were entering the Skärva nature reserve, which we knew was close to the ecobutik. More wandering (this time more purposefully) eventually led us to the correct location. We met up with Henrik Wachtmeister (who had been at the group presentation) and purchased a few snacks. He graciously allowed us to camp in the nature reserve (which he runs) and even provided us with firewood for a campfire.
We hiked back to the campsite with armfuls of firewood (I was about ready to give up and throw down the wood on the side of the path when we finally reached the site), and paddled our kayaks around to the new location. By then, it was getting dark, and we scrambled to put up the tents and unload the gear before darkness fell. It's interesting to note that everyone claims their tent is "really easy" to put together, and yet when the sun is rapidly fading, it never seems very intuitive. In the end, both Kevin and Mitch had to help me with my tent. As they put it—it doesn't matter if it's put together correctly as long as it stands up. And they were right!
After the tents were up, the next big adventure was getting the fire started. (Thankfully, Kevin had brought a tiny gas stove, so we knew that even if we couldn't get the fire started, we still had a warm meal to eat.) We had two main problems: 1) we didn't have any kindling and 2) the wood was damp. What followed was an extremely comical episode of karate-chopping the wood, sawing at the wood with Swiss army knives, and gently coaxing a precariously balanced sculpture of paper, twigs, and wood shavings. After several failed attempts, the guys finally got it working (they really are quite a talented pair!) and we had a merry fire for the rest of the night.
Dinner (which Kevin and Mitch cooked—I really did not contribute much to this weekend) consisted of Tex-Mex pasta, crayfish, bread, beans, clementines, cashews, almonds, and various other goodies. Dessert, of course, was chocolate. All of which was complemented with red wine.
We stayed up around the campfire for a couple hours, marveling at how nice the weather was. The day had been completely gray, with the occasional sprinkle—but nothing serious. I got more wet from my inefficient paddling than from the rain. The main concern for me was the wind, which made paddling harder and me colder. Once we pulled into the campsite, however, the wind died down and we could see a beautiful glassy sea all the way across the water to Karlskrona.
After chatting about conspiracy theories, male/female interaction among Swedes, and the dangers of microchip implants, we headed off to bed. Aside from freezing feet, I was quite comfortable. I bravely killed several spiders that had crawled in my tent and went to sleep.
We were up the next morning bright and early (well, the boys were up brighter and earlier than me…). Kevin had made tea, so I warmed up with a hot drink and contemplated the day ahead. We managed to break camp relatively quickly, repacked the kayaks, and shoved off.
We spent the rest of the morning paddling around past Dragsö and through Karlskrona. During this time the clouds blew away, revealing a startlingly blue sky. We stopped off at the school to unload our gear, then paddled back to the kayak club to turn in our kayaks. After the necessary drying and storing of the kayaks, and the replacement of the spray skirts and life vests, we reorganized our remaining gear and parted ways. Kevin paddled back to the school in his kayak, which Mitch and I rode our bikes.
At the school, we indulged in a little post-kayaking feast, eating most of the remaining food. Then we resorted our gear, making sure everyone had their proper belongings. Then Mitch and I rode our bikes back to Kungsmarksvägen. I was exhausted, and barely made it up the last hill. But as Mitch pointed out, people who climb Mount Everest but don't make it back down (i.e. they DIE on the mountain) don't have their names entered in the book. It was therefore postulated that if I didn't make it back to Kungsmarksvägen that afternoon, I would not get credit for the kayaking trip at all.
Once I was home, I stripped off the 15 layers of clothing and hopping in the bath. Roya and Jess had cleaned the apartment while I had been gone, and it was lovely to walk in and find a spotless bathroom. I had a long soak, nearly drowning several times as I dropped off to sleep. Eventually, I pulled myself up and finished off with a hot shower. Still in my robe with my hair in a towel, I crawled into my unmade bed (laundry from Friday night—including my sheets—hadn't been fully dried when I left) and promptly fell asleep under my bare duvet.
I had the best intentions to get up and dressed. Tomomi was singing in a concert at the old church tonight, and I wanted to go hear her. But once I lay down there was no hope. I slept solidly for a couple hours, then woke up at 7 p.m. and spent a couple hours unpacking and cleaning up, and going over final edits for our group paper.
At some point, Roya came home from the concert with Heather, Laura, and Mitch in tow. They prepared a lovely meal while Birte (who had also arrived) and I made the edits to the document. We ate and engaged in a post-dinner massage chain, which was pure bliss. My arms and shoulders had been getting increasingly sore since I turned in my kayak, and 30 minutes of back massage was the perfect antidote.
So now I'm in my room, with the sheets finally on the bed, and edits to the paper done (for now—we're still meeting with the whole group tomorrow at lunch to make the final, FINAL edits). I have class at 9 a.m. tomorrow, when we'll begin the second term of our program. We're expecting a guest lecturer, but I can't remember who it is, nor have I read the assigned article. Hopefully I'll have enough time tomorrow morning to quickly skim over it before class begins.
Posted by madchen at 08:18 PM | Comments (42)October 29, 2004
Yay!
Finally, the last of the small group work is over!! Well, not really, since Birte and I have to do final edits on the paper before we turn it in on Monday, but still. The exam on Thursday morning was a breeze--I was finished 30 minutes into the 3 hour allotment. The rest of the week was mostly taken up with listening to other groups present their projects, and catching up on sleep.
The people upstairs have been at it again, and this morning at 6:30 a.m. I finally went up there and knocked on their door. After a little Swenglish, I managed to communicate my displeasure with the screaming, and the women promptly quieted the household and I was able to get back to bed.
This big adventure this weekend is an overnight kayaking trip!! Now, keep in mind that the last two days have been dreary, rainy messes. And tomorrow's forecast calls for clouds and rainshowers. Nevertheless, I am committed to having a good time. (Actually, I'm mostly just determined to prove to myself that I am, indeed, the tough girl that I think I am.) There will be three of us (me, Kevin, and Mitch), and the boys have promised that we will go easy. I'm borrowing a tent from Scotty, and a sleeping bag from an as-yet-undetermined source. There was discussion about sleeping eskimo-style, which I gather means we all pile into a kayak to pool body heat, but I am quite content to let Mitch and Kevin experiment while I'm snug as a bug in my tent.
This afternoon I purchased a new pair of wool socks, new waterproof gloves (so I won't get blisters), and a fleece neck thing-ie. I really should be packing, but I just can't gather up the energy at the moment. Instead, I think I'll call it an early night and just get up at a reasonable hour tomorrow. I have to be down at the common room at 11 a.m., so that should give me plenty of time to throw some clothes and food in a bag. Kevin took most of the food home with him tonight, so I don't have much to bring, other than my personal belongings.
So, that's all for now. With any luck, I'll avoid most of the rain tomorrow and not be too miserably wet when I try to sleep. My big fear is that my feet and hands will be cold the whole time (seeing as they were freezing the last time I went kayaking--5 weeks ago--this seems a likely event), but this time I'll be layered appropriately. And, of course, I'll try to avoid falling in this time.
Posted by madchen at 08:19 PM | Comments (187)October 28, 2004
Stretching My Brain
Using your brain is a wonderful thing. I have recently been belaboring the lack of intellectual challenges in this course. Not that the idea of sustainability isn't dynamic and complex, but we haven't really been challenged with tough questions, seemingly impossible conundrums, and debate opportunities. Instead, we've been repeatedly told that the TNS Framework is so simple, so clear, that it is intuitively grasped. From a bird's eye perspective, this is true--I'm just ready to jump into the messy details.
Tonight I came across an article that just blows my mind. It's called Biological Adaption in Human Societies: A 'Basic Needs' Approach. It's complicated and challenging, but intellectually rigorous, with footnotes backing up every claim, a wealth of prior research, and compelling results. It wasn't until I read this (and I'm not even done yet!) that I realized how much I was missing this type of writing.
It feels so amazing to read something difficult and feel your brain working alongside the author.
Posted by madchen at 08:21 PM | Comments (48)October 27, 2004
Stupid People Need Your Empathy Too
As my dear, dear friend La notes, "Stupid people need your empathy too."
This, I suppose is true. However, it would make things much easier if these people KNEW they were stupid. Currently, we have to tip-toe around, pretending to be interested in inane things they say, nod agreeably when they make asanine justifications, etc.
I guess this is where my new intention to be "sensitive" would come in.
Now, I would like to clarify. When I say "stupid", I don't mean people who are "less intelligent". No, no, no. I fully recognize that people have different talents and abilities--and not all of them can be directly quantified into categories of intelligence. La, for instance, has the most amusing spelling gaffes, but can provide encouragement like nobody's business and she always remembers people's birthdays. I can read at an amazing rate and have an almost photographic memory, but cannot draw to save my life and consistently forget people's birthdays.
Instead, when I say "stupid" I mean people who just act in stupid ways. Any of the following might suffice:
* Person "A" walks into class 45 minutes late on a regular basis. S/he misses the introduction to the lecture, then asks the MOST BASIC questions during the Q&A session. These questions have been clearly addressed both in the reading (which should have been done before the class) and at the beginning of the lecture. Person "A" then has trouble getting the concept, and asks several follow-up questions, taking valuable time away from students who have intelligent questions to ask.
* Person "B" consistently shows up at pot-luck events with nothing to share. Then, this person has the audacity to criticize the food that has been graciously provided!
* Person "C" goes out several times a week, partaking of alcohol, appetizers, and desserts. Then, s/he complains that rent is too expensive, that going to the movies is too expensive, that their paycheck is too low, etc. There is never enough money at the end of the month and credit card debt mounts, causing more stress and anxiety--leading to more evenings out, complaining about money over a plate of $12 pasta.
It's hard to generate empathy for people like this. And it's not people who make these mistakes once, but people who commit these errors again and again that makes me so frustrated.
On the other hand, I also want to strangle people who love process to the exclusion of anything productive, but that is a learning/thinking difference that I just need to get over. With as little bloodshed as possible.
Posted by madchen at 08:23 PMRelief
Hallelujah, our presentation is over!! Actually, aside from some intial technical difficulties, it went exceptionally well. We stayed in the time limit, we got good questions (to which we knew the answers!), and were done before 9:30 a.m. We decided to give ourselves a couple days before meeting again to go over last minute edits for the paper, which isn't due until November 2.
Once the presentation was over, I was able to sit back and enjoy 3 other group presentations, which were entitled:
* Blekinge Institute of Technology - a journey towards sustainability
* The Future of Biodiesel [with an intriguing discussion of algae as a source of biodiesel]
* Sustainability in Hospitals
I was amazed by the variety of talents and expertises in the groups--one group in particular had an amazing graphic representation of what a "sustainable school" would look like--it was truly awesome.
After class, I made the dreaded trip to Karlskronahem to beg for my apartment back. Fortunately, there was no groveling required, and I paid my rent for November and was out of the office in a mere 30 minutes. I also swung by Affairsverken, which as I understand it is the Karlskrona utility company, to pay my internet bill. Then I stopped by the grocery store and picked up some stuff for sandwiches and soup. By then I had spent nearly $500, so I decided to call it a day and took the bus back home.
A long nap after lunch made me very happy, and dinner was followed with a lovely chat with Roya. She is a very interesting girl--so intense and the most empathetic person I have ever met. We talked about how to get the most out of the program, given our frustrations, and how to balance efficiency and effectiveness on on hand, with collaboration and dialogue on the other. It's given me lots to think about.
Over the past few weeks, I've realized that my main block in life is that I am intolerant of other people's...well, of other people. So many things come easily to me, and I get frustrated when other people take their time achieving the same outcome. Part of this is justified, I think--I believe its reasonable to be irritated when a person who has spent the last 3 of 5 nights at the bar keeps complaining about how they "just can't find the time to study". On the other hand, some people learn through deep, quiet, persistent means, and I can't be judgemental when it takes a little extra time to complete group projects.
This is not news to me--in fact, I have had lots of people tell me that my "aggressiveness" in dealing with people and projects is both a strength and weakness. My problem is that I don't know how to work on the "weakness" part of it. I have been told (rather patronizingly, I think), that this will come with time--that it's an issue of emotional maturity. But certainly, I don't need to wait for 20 more years to be suddenly graced with patience and empathy?
So the new challenge for me is to consciously pay attention to how I am treating people--and to the mechanisms that trigger my annoyance. I need to recognize that there is a distinction (although not always clear in the moment) between true stupidity and an alternative learning/thinking style. I want to take my high standards and apply them correctly--it only hurts me to negatively judge people for differences that ultimately make us all richer. Or at least, I'd like to believe that--secretly, a part of me believes that if everyone were just a little bit more like me, the world would be in much better shape.
Posted by madchen at 08:22 PMOctober 26, 2004
Give It Up
This afternoon I met my small group to go over our PowerPoint presentation. Tomomi and Renaud had worked on it, while Birte and I had worked on the paper itself, so I hadn't seen it before now. I was blown away with their creativity--the presentation was great! We did a little fine-tuning, and went through a dry-run. I'll be talking about social sustainability and community investing--all in 5 minutes.
Tomomi and I had dinner at a little kebab place near the school, where we met Mitch. After a delicious meal (which was WAY too big), we biked back to Kungsmarksvagen, my home sweet home. Mitch's small group is actually focusing on how to make Kungsmarksvagen a nicer place to live--and has met with lots of municipality and city representatives--so I am somewhat hopeful that things probably won't get worse...
As for my housing situation, I am looking at it this way: it's a sign. I am now convinced that I will pass the Foreign Service Oral Exam in November and will be immediately called into a training session, requiring me to leave the program early (thus solving my frustration about the program AND the housing situation). So, really, it's better that I have to stay in this place. Right?
I finally got around to uploading pictures from the Canadian Thanksgiving last week. First, one of me (notice the perfectly shaped eyebrows):
Next, one of the dinner itself:
From left to right: Ron, Cesar, Susan, Renaud, and Paulo. Now, for the next picture, a little explanation is necessary. Because of the food preparation required, people started eating the cool dishes while the hot dishes baked in the oven and I made the gravy on the stovetop. By the time I got to the table (which was heaving with dishes for 40 people), this is what was left:
Finally, here is a picture from the front of my window. It doesn't really capture the full beauty of the trees because of the cloudy weather. I tried for a week to catch a better glimpse, but the sun refused to come out. And now, sadly, the leaves are past their peak.
Anyway, it's now after midnight and I have to be back at campus by 8 a.m. tomorrow morning to prepare for our 8:30 a.m. presentation. Sigh. I will be GLAD when this is all over.
But perhaps I should do a little studying before I go to bed. That nap this afternoon has left me wide awake...
Posted by madchen at 10:25 PMBrain Meltdown
I had a terrible night of sleep last night, full of bizarre dreams, including one where kittens kept appearing and crawling all over me (in a nice way, not in a Hitchcockian way) and one where Janie kept throwing food at me and nearly falling out of her chair. Clearly, I have a lot going on in my subconscious.
I met with Birte this morning to do more work on our paper, but after about an hour we gave up. Apparently, my brain has decided that enough is enough and it needs a break. So we scrapped plans to edit, and gve ourselves the day off. I came upstairs, planning to get ready and go down to Karlskronahem to beg for my apartment back (it seems the only option), but I instead crawled into bed and took a long nap.
When I woke up, it was partially sunny outside (quite the miracle) and I was in a much more functional mood. It's too late now to see Karlskronahem (they only have business hours from 9-3, plus an hour closed for lunch), but I can do that tomorrow after class. We are the first presentation to go tomorrow (at 8:30 a.m.), so we're meeting in our small group AGAIN tonight to go over the PowerPoint presentation and rehearse our speaking roles.
I started reading The Facilitator's Guide to Participatory Decision-Making last night. I believe it should be required reading for anyone participating in groups (which is just about everyone). It made me realize where I am a bad group member, and how to more effectively participate in future group work. On the bad side, the book basically acknowledges that participatory decision-making is largely a miserable experience, and is only worth it once you've given over half your life to listening to boring, stupid people drone on and on. Well, perhaps I exaggerate, but you get the idea.
Posted by madchen at 08:25 PM | Comments (39)October 25, 2004
When Shitty Things Happen to Good People
Today started off like any other--3 hours of small group work (DTSG). We broke for lunch, and I spent another two hours editing and revising some of our work. Right before going back downstairs for still more group work, I thought I might call the assistant landlord of our new apartment to arrange a time to sign the paperwork. He picked up the phone on the second ring, and the conversation went as follows:
Me: Hello Roger? This is Jennifer.
Roger: Hello! How are you?
Me: Fine, thanks. I was just calling to see if you had talked to the landlord yet about the apartment.
Roger: Yes, I did. How long would you stay?
Me: As I mentioned, our program only goes through this spring, so we would stay until the end of June.
Roger. (Awkwardly) Oh. I don't think the landlord will rent to you for such a short time.
Me: (Stunned) Really? Is there any way he might change his mind?
Roger: No. I hope you can find another place to live.
Me: Well, I'm very disappointed...
Roger: Yes, good luck.
And with that, my dream of an apartment by the beach, by the park, and by a foreign Navy barracks was smashed to bits. Instead of curling up in a ball and crying, I decided to...
...spend the rest of the day with my small group. That's right, what better way to capture the silver lining in a crappy day than with 4 more hours of small group work, then dinner studying for Thursday's exam, and then 2 more hours working in pairs on the group project?
I ask you, could life get any better?
DTSG
Posted by madchen at 11:28 PMGroup Learning
According to this course, groups function in two ways...
1) The group as a whole is weaker than the stupidest member of the group.
2) The group as a whole is stronger than the smartest member of the group.
Three guesses which way our small group is functioning? (Given that there are only 2 choices, it shouldn't be hard.)
Sigh.
I'm feeling very frustrated, in part because I feel like members of our group are not contributing equally, and in part because I feel like we spent too much time (way, WAY too much time) discussing process. And in these discussions, we usually end up coming to a conclusion that everyone interprets differently, and then we're back to square 1.
Using Adam's notation, I will now use the acronym DTSG (Death to Small Groups) in future entries to summarize my feelings on this matter.
Posted by madchen at 08:27 PMOctober 23, 2004
The Loss of a Weekend
I was up this morning at 8 a.m., practically unheard of for me. I had to be downstairs at Birte and Tomomi's place for a group meeting at 9:30, and I knew I needed a little time to warm up before meeting the challenges of the small group. Lucky for me, I had a big breakfast of granola and yogurt, because we ended up spending 5 hours in the meeting, going over every detail of our draft, arguing about the structure of the paper, and reaching very few conclusions.
By the time I got back upstairs, I was mentally drained. I had taken on a bunch of assignments for the next section of our project, but rather than do any preliminary work, I instead ate some lunch (if you can call a meal at 3 p.m. "lunch"), did the dishes, and took a nap.
This evening, I made a bean salad and took it to Renaud's birthday party over at the campus housing. It was a delightful night, but most of my classmates had spent last night partying, so tonight's shindig was largely over by 11 p.m. I took the bus back to Kungsmarksvagen with Tomomi, Birte, and Birte's sister, who is visiting with her family.
Now I'm back in my pajamas, looking forward to a full night of sleep. Tomorrow morning I'll start again on my project work, then I'll have an evening study session with my classmates at campus, and then Birte and I will have a mini-group session afterwards. I swear, when this year is over, I will have had enough "group work" to last my entire life.
Posted by madchen at 08:30 PMOctober 22, 2004
Karma
It's not even noon, and this might just rank as my best day in Sweden. That's right, I found a new apartment! But let me start at the beginning. Jess was supposed to accompany me this morning, but overslept. So I went by myself, taking the bus to Centrum and then walking a couple blocks to the address where I was going to meet the landlord.
From Centrum, I walked towards the main square (where the farmers market is held on Saturdays). The sun was shining for the first time in days, and it glinted off the wet cobblestones and fallen leaves. It was a lovely morning to be out, with crisp air, little traffic, and the knowledge that the coffeeshop would be serving me a soy hazelnut latte in a few minutes.
Continuing past the square, I walked through the Admiralitetstorget (a beautiful park with an old church at one end), crossed the street, and walked toward the water. I quickly identified the apartment, with its red brick facade and its blue balconies. The landlord was waiting for me at the entrance, and took me up to the third floor, where he showed me a cheerful, sunny 2 room apartment. While there is a living room and a bedroom, we'll just use both as bedrooms. In addition, there is a balcony, kitchen, entryway, huge closet, and bathroom. The entire place is nearly new, and it is a great improvement over the other places we looked at. There is free laundry in the basement, as well as a bike storage room where we can safely lock up our bikes at night. There is a full complement of recylcing bins, including compost, so we won't have to drag our trash out to a common disposal site.
The landlord was very nice, and quite shy about his English. He noted that the neighbors are really nice, and there is a retired lady living directly above the vacant apartment. He will help us set up the electricity (which is not included) and can help us with the internet connection. I assured him we wouldn't be having loud parties, and he seemed pleased to let us have the place. He also confirmed that we could probably drop some stuff off on October 31st, to help ease the moving rush.
Although I hadn't talked to Jess yet, I was sure this was the place for me. I told the landlord that I would check with my roommate and call him back this afternoon. I walked out the front door, noticing the Baltic Sea just a block away to my left, and the old Admiralitet church one block to my right. I meandered around for a bit, noting that there is picnic seating near the water, and lots of places to sit in the park. In fact, it is the perfect place.
But wait! To be really perfect, wouldn't I need a contingent of muscular, uniformed men nearby?
Did I forget to mention that the Swedish Navy is located directly across the street from the apartment? In fact, I look directly out at the barracks from my balcony...yes, it truly is perfect.
After reveling in my good luck, I walked back to the Wayne's Coffee (a mere 5 minute walk!) and had a latte and scone. I sat in the back, making a list of the furniture I'll need to buy for the new apartment (it's not furnished) and doing a bit of studying for my exam next week. After enjoying a surge of caffeine (mingeld with new-apartment adrenaline), I bundled up again and set off for campus.
Rather than taking the bus, I decided to walk--not needing to be there until the afternoon. On the way, I looked in the windows of a couple second-hand stores, noting with delight that they have a good selection of stuff I need. The main one isn't open today, but I'll go tomorrow and reserve the items I'll need, and arrange to have them delivered on November 1. Hurrah!
I arrived and campus and quickly confirmed with Jess that we would take the place. She agreed and I called back the landlord--who turned out not to be the 'real' landlord, but an assistant. So we have the apartment reserved, but won't sign the paperwork until the head honcho comes back from his vacation in France on Monday. Until then, there's nothing to do but wait, buy some new furniture, and gloat over my good fortune!
Oh, and finish my group project, of course. I'm meeting with Renaud in a couple hours to go over our section of the report. With any luck, we can get it done quickly and I can get back home. There is a LOT of cleaning that needs to be done.
Posted by madchen at 08:31 PMOctober 21, 2004
A Refrigerator Like That of an African Refugee
Today has been delightfully slow. I slept in until 11 a.m., then spent the next couple hours writing my piece on community investing for my small group project. I will post it below--it's quite short, only about 3 pages.
Then I took a L-O-N-G shower, wasting water but reviving my soul. I then traipsed around in my fleece robe for another hour or so, puttering around, attempting to wash my dishes, putting on copious amounts of lotion, and catching up on email. I spent a good hour calling two dozen local landlords. Most of them weren't home, so I left messages. All the ones I managed to speak with informed me there were no apartments available.
By then it was late afternoon and I was STARVING. Alas, there is virtually nothing to eat in the apartment. I went on a massive left-over eating scourge, finishing the chocolate bar, the soup, the pasta, and some of the chips I had left. Still hungry (all the leftovers amounted to about a cup of total food) I ate some granola and yogurt, wishing it was something else.
At some point in the afternoon, a guy called in response to my message about the apartments. He has a 2 room place in downtown Karlskrona that I'm going to go look at tomorrow morning. Yippee! I'm just sure something will come through at the last minute--no need to panic quite yet.
Also, my toothache is getting better, despite conflicting ideas on why it was taking to long to heal. You would think that *I*, the person with the toothache, would have a fairly good idea of the problem, but apparently my dad, the dentist, believes he has a better one. Hmph.
I went back to work on the second document I'm writing, which is a piece on social sustainability. This 1-page piece will be included in the final small group paper, so I have to find a way to describe the basic tenets of social sustainability (which must agree with the TNS framework--which I have strong concerns about) and fit in with our larger topic of ecovillages. So far, I have a couple paragraphs, which instead of addressing social sustainability, really fit best into another part of the introduction--the basic definitions of ecovillages. Sigh.
And now that it's later in the evening, I'm hungry again. Unfortunately, all the grocery stores nearby close at 7 p.m. so I'm out of luck. Guess it's more granola and yogurt.
Posted by madchen at 08:32 PMOctober 20, 2004
A New Day
Today is looking slightly better than yesterday, which was slightly better than the day before. I met with my small group to discuss our project, which has morphed from community investing to "social sustainability in ecovillages"--I blinked and the topic had changed. We're meeting again this morning to start the ubiquitous ABCD Analysis, and hopefully we'll have our individual assignments agreed upon before noon.
After the meeting yesterday morning (which took place in Birte and Tomomi's apartment, just one floor below mine--very nice), I did a little frantic laundry, then went into campus intending to watch Baraka but there was a problem with the movie (the problem being, no one managed to find a copy to watch), so we watched Farenheit 911 instead. What a downer. I have mixed feelings about the movie (why do stupid, over-the-top antics when the story speaks so powerfully for itself?), but enjoyed it for what it was--a propoganda piece.
By then it was early evening, and Kevin and I went out for dinner and drinks. We had a lovely chat, in which he graciously allowed me to vent my frustration over the course, and even suggested some constructive responses. He is both brilliant and handsome (and, I hope, reading this), depsite his love of birds.
Jess and I were supposed to go look at another apartment this morning, but she didn't get up in time, so we'll have to reschedule. Now I'm off to campus for my small group meeting.
Weather Watch: Cloudy, but dry.
Mood Watch: Irritated by toothache.
Posted by madchen at 08:33 PMOctober 18, 2004
Woozy
I spent the morning in class, learning about Industrial Ecology, which as far as I can tell means corporate environmental management. I had a hard time concentrating--I think it was a combination of the less-than-thrilling topic, the dark gray sky (with more rain), and my overall lack of sleep. I found myself doodling in my notebook, and managed to figure out that with 10% annual compounded interest, my initial $30,000 investment will be worth $201,827 in 20 years. If that's not a reason to save, I don't know what is.
After lunch, I had a lovely lunch of pasta from the parking lot pasta stand and met with my small group to discuss our project. After a painfully long discussion, we agreed to split into two groups--one focusing on sustainability in hospital systems and one focusing on community-based investing. I, of course, am in the investing group, which will meet tomorrow morning to strategize over next steps.
I went downtown to do a little shopping this afternoon, having put it off for too long. I ended up at Wayne's Coffee, a relaxing little cafe with a delightful hazelnut soy latte (it's no Starbucks, but acceptable nonetheless). I spaced out for an hour or so, just watching people walk around outside. I had a brief moment of confusion and nausea concerning the bus system. It was like that scene in The Thomas Crowne Affair where Thomas Crowne and a bunch of look-alikes all swarm the Metropolitan Museum of Art, confounding the police who are trying to catch him putting back the stolen painting. But for me, it was the buses that were swarming all over the intersection outside of Wayne's Coffee--it was like they were systematically trying to overwhelm the senses.
Anyway, I sat at the coffee house for a good while, feeling totally weird--almost like I'd been drugged. In fact, when I got up to use the bathroom, I almost couldn't find my way to the other side of the cafe. This feeling lasted well into my bus ride home, and only now am I beginning to feel like myself again. I wonder if I ate something strange, since I certainly wasn't around any drugs. It was quite unpleasant, really.
So, while I was feeling "out there", I thought about what La said a few weeks ago about wanting to be "a person who..." Since I'm having trouble coming up with a "vision of success" for my own life, I thought it might be helpful to come up with a different kind of list, similar to La's. Here's what I wrote:
* I want to be a person who gets up really early in the morning, someone who has a leisurely morning of tea and the newspaper before work. I want to pad around in slippers and a robe, without rushing into the shower.
* I want to be a "regular" at a local restaurant/cafe--and not just a regular customer, but someone who has a specific spot, somplace I can sit and watch the people on the street.
* I want a garden where I grow tomatoes, green beans, and squash. I want a raspberry bush and a peach tree. I want to compost my kitchen scrapw and make my own dirt. I want a full complement of herbs that overwhelm my senses on hot summer days.
* I want a tiny, perfect apartment where my cats and I have lots of windows and light. I want this apartment to be near to a downtown area, but quiet at night and safe enough to open my windows.
* I want a bank account that grows every year. I want a savings plan that allows me to meet my basic needs, splurge on occasion, and know that I have a safety net in case of emergency.
* I want to work in a non-traditional job--either setting my own hours, working part-time, or working remotely.
* I want to eat a vegan diet, choosing organic food whenever possible. I want to be conscious about the food I choose to eat. I want eating out to be a "special occasion".
* I want to be a person who volunteers, but does not take a leadership role. I want to find a place I believe in, where I don't try to change things but am content to just "do my part."
While I was sitting there thinking, I felt a huge wave of homesickness. I realized that I'm here in Sweden, not really moving towards any of these things. I'm just not feeling fulfilled by this program. For all it's potential, it's not matching up with my abilities and desires to learn about sustainability. I feel like I'm being sold a bill of goods, and that I can't speak up because that would be unloyal to the idea of "sustainability." It's doubly frustrating, because I think I might be the only person feeling this way--everyone else seems to be thoroughly thrilled with the way things are going.
Strangely enough, the way my homesickness manifests itself is through missing my 2 cats. I am nearly on the verge of tears, feeling like I abandoned them (to my parents, to my parents' cat, to my ferociously enthusiastic niece) for this pathetic program. Well, not pathetic--just utterly wrong for me. What on earth am I doing here?
OK, enough of that--I'm going to chalk is up to post-wooziness and trust that I will be more optimistic in the morning.
I made it home on the bus and found that a package from Amy had arrived. She is such a sweetie, I had been complaining that my walls were bare enough to pass for a mental ward. So she sent a package full of interesting postcards, political cartoons, and even a set of cocktail napkins with the caption "A healthy diet? No alcohol? It's that kind of thinking that's ruining this country." Which is true.
So now, I think I'm going to read an article on sustainable product development and the related chapter in our coursebook. Or perhaps I'll do a little research on community-based investing in preparation for my meeting tomorrow morning. Or maybe I'll take a little nap and see if my disposition improves at all.
Posted by madchen at 08:37 PMOctober 17, 2004
Rainy Day
I hate when it rains all weekend--and Sweden seems to be that type of place. Yesterday was drizzly and wet, and today was more of the same.
I've stayed inside, listening to a new audiobook "Across the Nightingale Floor" and reading some articles for class.
Pretty dull.
Posted by madchen at 08:37 PMOctober 16, 2004
Ho Hum
I forgot to mention yesterday that I LOVED the lecture by Christian Azar. In fact, I think it was my favorite lecture of the entire program. Part of my enjoyment was that I felt he stayed away from hawking a particular ideological philosophy--relying instead upon the science of sustainability. When our other professors speak, I often feel like I'm being sold a package deal--you want sustainability, you sign over your soul to the TNS framework. But maybe that's just my natural inclination to question any idea that generates "true believers".
I spent today relaxing and recuperating from a long week. I realized that the state of my skin was horrific, and finally broke out the serious lotion. No more ashy legs for me! Once I had slathered on some Body Shop stuff (look how I support community trade AND good-looking skin!), I noticed how much warmer I was. I wonder if there is some connection between dry skin and the ability to retain heat...at any rate, I was able to enjoy my afternoon with fewer layers of clothing than normal.
This evening, I met with members of my small group to discuss potential topics for our next class project. The difficulty is that we are supposed to work in groups of 4 on a project that might potentially apply to out thesis. This project is due in 2 weeks, so there isn't a lot of time to do substantive research, but at the same time, there are a lot of resources in our common backgrounds. To complicate matters, one member of our group is out of town for the weekend, so we were limited in our ability to make concensus decisions. So we just had a good brainstorming session and have much to think about for Monday, when we'll meet again.
I found out that in 2 months, Kungsmarksvagen will get composting! Of course, with any luck I'll be in another apartment by then, but still, it is very gratifying to learn that the "ghetto" of Karlskrona can be environmentally conscious too.
I finished The Robber Bride yesterday, which I thoroughly enjoyed. As my friend Elizabeth puts it:
"...what I loved about the Robber Bride is that it really shows all the good and bad things about power dynamics and relationships between women. I thought it was very refreshing."
Here are two passages that struck me as particularly poignant:
Charis herself gave up Christianity a long time ago. For one thing, the Bible is full of meat: animals being sacrificed, lambs, bullocks, doves. Cain was right to offer up the vegetables, God was wrong to refuse them. And there's too much blood: people in the Bible are always having their blood spilled, blood on their hands, their blood licked up by dogs. There are too many slaughters, too much suffering, too many tears.
And another:
It is jealosy. Roz is so jealous that she can't think straight. Some nights she cries with rage, others with sorrow. She walks around in a red fog of anger, in a gray mist of self-pity, and she hates herself for both. She calls on her stubbornness, her will to fight, but who exactly is her enemy?
Boy have I been there.
And now, it's time to clean my room. I'm sitting on my bed typing, because my desk has grown into a heap of clothes, papers, and dishes. Not sustainable at all. Tsk, tsk.
Posted by madchen at 08:38 PMOctober 15, 2004
Tired
It's been a long week, and I'm worn out. Even though its Friday night and I have no reason to be up early tomorrow, I have sequestered myself in my room for the evening. I'm relishing this time alone, finishing my book, eating ramen, and maybe watching a movie later. I've spent a lot of time with the group lately, and it's nice to have some "alone" time.
Jess and I were up early this morning to look at an apartment downtown. It was ok, but since it was the first one we've seen, it's hard to make a general assessment. One thing that I really didn't like was that electricity wasn't included--the last thing I want is to have to deal with another bill every month. So the search will go on this weekend.
I was really struck by Kevin's entry today--where to draw the line with money is something that periodically haunts me. In one sense, I think I would be happy living in a rural village, with an outhouse and no electricity. In some ways, live would be so simple and straightforward--I wouldn't be surrounded by all the temptations of the 21st century.
On the other hand, I want to be realistic and acknowledge that I will probably never live that life. In some ways, it's harder to find a balance in the "real" world. If I plan to be part of the business world in America, I will probably need access to a car, will definitely need a full complement of business attire, and will probably spend a small fortune on entertainment, dining out, and travel. How do I do that sustainably? How do I weigh every decision against sustainability constraints when I'm surrounded by a society that says "I've earned it, I deserve to spend it"? This paradox, I think, is one of the specific challenges for America as it faces environmental and social degradation.
Posted by madchen at 08:39 PMOctober 14, 2004
Some People
Today was long. But good. Long, but good.
I started the day with a lecture by Leif Johansson, the CEO of Volvo and former CEO of Electrolux (I mistakenlyidentified Christian Azar as the CEO of Volvo in a previous post). He had some very refreshing things to say, including an acknowledgement that industry associations usually pander to the lowest common demoninator and cannot be relied upon to promote sustainability objectives. Now, I knew this (having tried to communicate with America's homebuilders industry association and the mining industry association--but it was gratifying to hear it from a real industry insider--and a leader at that.
After the Q&A session, I went up to Villa Oscar for lunch with some classmates, and we had a delightful conversation about the internet's potential to convey the basic tenets of sustainability. It was interesting to see the divergent opinions--I think I fell somewhere closer to the technology optimist side of things. Perhaps it's because I think using the internet is a little like Christmas--every time you click "check mail" you might get a present. Or, I suppose, multiple ads for Viagra.
At 2 p.m. I went to a meeting of international students to discuss our experiences here in Karlskrona with a Blekinge municipality representative. I thought we did a great job of praising the Interntional Reception (which did a great job, all things considered) and offering up constructive criticism for next year. Towards the end, though, there were a couple comments made that took me completely by surprise. When discussing the problems of Kungsmarksvagen (overall quality of life, and safety), someone said that it shouldn't be surprising, as the complex was full of refugees, who hadn't been raised properly. Wow--there was a collective intake of breath and immediately people responded to the inference. Ironically, it wasn't a Swede who made the comment, but an African international student. So I suppose it wasn't racist, but classist. But ugh--it made me want to go take a shower and wash off the filth of the comment.
I went straight from that meeting to a class discussion of climate change. I slipped in late, and just caught the end of the talk. Basically, we agreed that the articles we were provided in preparation for Christian Azar's visit (several of them were written by him, too) took a reductionist view of the problem. Climate change is not about increasing energy efficiency or exploring new technologies. While driving a fuel cell car might alleviate greenhouse gas emissions, unless we fundamentally change our transportation infrastructure, we will all still be sitting in those cars for hours in traffic! The question we struggle with as a class is, how do we create such a complete paradigm shift and, moreover, how do we convince others (this is a Leadership program, after all) that this "new" world will be better?
Before we could solve this problem (ha, ha) it was time for another meeting--this time held by the International Office. For all intents and purposes, it was to inform us about exam regulations, which are completely different than any other school system I've experienced. Unfortunately, the meeting was disorganized, and people streamed in during the first 30 minutes, acting completely oblivious to the fact that there was a presentation going on. At one point, Jo actually stopped the procedings and confronted the group at the back, noting that it was rude and disrespectful to traipse in a half hour late and then proceed to have side conversations. I wanted to stand up and cheer, but decided that might be a little over the top. So I patiently sat through the rest of the presentation, all the while with freezing feet. Apparently, the Swedes don't think that October weather (about 40 degrees) should influence the decision to heat the buildings. Long story short, I left campus about 5:30 p.m. and biked home, stopping at Willy:s on the way to pick up some granola and yogurt for breakfast.
Now I'm home, completely engrossed in The Robber Bride. I'll try and finish it tonight, but I won't stay up too late, since I have to go check out an apartment before class tomorrow. Jess and I are meeting the landlord at the apartment (which is downtown) at 8 a.m., which means we'll have to leave the house around 7:30 a.m. (Yikes, I shudder even to type that.) So it will be an early night. And then...the weekend!
Posted by madchen at 08:40 PMOctober 13, 2004
Canadian Thanksgiving
Here are a couple pictures that Amity took last night at our Canadian Thanksgiving party. First, here's Mitch with the turkeys:
Next, here's a picture of me and Amity. Notice how lovely I look with a post-cold, no make-up aura:
Here's Ron, Amity, and David--all Canadian/American co-hosts:
In the rush to the feast, we weren't able to capture the laden table. But here's a quick peek at the desserts!
In other news, I'm having trouble tracking down information on the Montgomery Country Elections. How do I determine the best candidates for the school board, for the Court of Special Appeals, and amendments to the property tax limits imposed by City Council? I thought that the County Elections site would have a central website with basic information, but my hopes were dashed. Instead, I suppose I'll have to search out the individual websites. Or perhaps I will just skip those topics and just vote for the President, Senate, and House of Representatives.
Posted by madchen at 08:44 PMHappy Thoughts
I have been looking over the last few weeks of entries, and I've realized that I come across as either excessively preachy or depressingly gloomy. Recognizing that I can be a bit bossy on occasion (ok, a lot bossy, a lot of the time) and that I thrive on the drama of bad news, this is a problem.
While there are certainly things that am irritated with here in Sweden (the housing situation, the less-than-challenging lectures, the LOUD music coming from my roommates room this very second), I'm generally finding this time to be very fulfilling. I enjoy thinking about sustainability issues, and even if I don't necessarily buy into all the stuff they talk about in class, it is challenging to try and sift through the rhetoric and discover ways to apply these new ideas to my own life. Which leads to the second problem: self-righteousness.
Now that I have a bunch of ideas on how to improve my life (de-materializing, getting rid of my car, composting), I want everyone around me to have similar epiphanies. For one thing, it's so much easier when a group commits to changing its behavior—I would have a common accountability, rather than just holding myself to these new ideals. But also, I want to feel like I'm making a difference in my peer group, and the easiest way to do that from here is to exhort my family and friends to make huge changes in their lives. On the other hand, I have a strong feeling that perhaps that can have the opposite effect, as the constant badgering creates a backlash against change.
Of course, I realize that the most convincing impetus to change is a personal example. So I suppose that I would be most effective by just living my own life, and letting people see that it makes me a better person AND helps the environment, society at large, etc. Ugh—what a responsibility. It's so much easier just to keep encouraging people to compost their kitchen scraps.
So, my new commitment is to stop recommending solutions to people and to just start living with these new values. Additionally, I want to try and move this online journal from a place to complain about things to a place where I evaluate both the positive and the negative—and where I determine my role in both sides of the situation. As I look at some of my colleagues' blogs, I'm struck at how they take issues and apply them to their personal lives, but still manage to speak to a larger audience. That will be my goal here.
I will now begin with a list of things I'm happy about today:
· The gray clouds and drizzly weather has finally passed and today is clear and crisp. The temperature has fallen dramatically in the past few days, and we now hover in the 40s. The trees are changing colors, and it view from my bedroom is breathtaking. Even though the wind is howling outside, it’s a cheery sound, complete with rustling leaves.
· The family upstairs seems to have achieved some sense of balance, and the yelling has abated quite a bit. Now that I feel confident in approaching them the next time it goes on for more than a few minutes, I can more easily bear the few spats that still arise.
· We're done with system dynamics! Afternoon classes were cancelled today, so I'm at home reading the next set of articles—all about environmental economics. Our guest lecturer is Christian Azar, former CEO of Electrolux and Volvo. He will be speaking to us primarily about climate change, and the economics of global warming. Here's the abstract from one of his papers:
Abstract - Are the economic costs of stabilising the atmosphere prohibitive?
By Christian Azar, Stephen H. Schneider
Macro economic studies of the costs of reducing CO2 emissions generally estimate the global cost of stabilising the atmospheric concentrations of CO2 in the range 350–550 ppm in trillions of USD. This creates the impression that the cost of CO2 reductions is so large that it threatens economic development. But, presented in another way, a completely different picture emerges. There is widespread agreement amongst the more pessimistic macro economic studies that stringent carbon controls are compatible with a significant increase in global and regional economic welfare. Even if the cost of CO2 abatement rises to 5% of global income per year by the end of this century, this reduction is minor compared with the tenfold increase in global income that is expected. Since income is assumed to grow by a couple of percent per year, the trillion USD cost could also be expressed as a few years delay in achieving an order of magnitude higher income levels. Similar observations can also be made as regards near-term abatement targets such as the Kyoto protocol. A more widespread recognition of the fact that carbon abatement policies will only marginally affect economic growth is likely to increase the willingness to introduce carbon abatement policies.
· I got a package from La today. I knew it had arrived, but hadn't had a chance until today to pick it up from the post office. I'm so glad I did, because it contains all sorts of goodies, including the Garden State soundtrack. Ahh, good music. There is currently Raggajungle blasting from the next room, so I'll have to wait until later to enjoy it uninterrupted.
· Since class was cancelled this afternoon, I can continue reading my new book (courtesy of the BTH library), The Robber Bride, by Margaret Atwood. I started it a couple days ago, but haven't been able to find any chunk of time to really get into it. From what I've read, however, I think I'm really going to enjoy it. There's also the possibility of a nap!
And now, another installment of:
INTERESTING THINGS TO THINK ABOUT
McDonald's is introducing (or re-introducing?) a sandwich, which is basically a hamburger with lettuce and tomato. Kind of like the Arch Burger, as I recall. What makes it weird is the advertising campaign. The billboard shows a mid-1800s B&W picture of a Mexican bolero singer. He has a huge sombrero, a striped poncho, a handlebar mustache—you get the picture. Towards the bottom of the poster is a color picture of the sandwich, with the caption, "Return of the Legendary EL MACO". Now, this seems strange to me. Is this advertising campaign being used around the world, or just in Sweden? Would people here understand the concept of "El Maco"? Is there some implication that Mexican guitarists enjoyed sandwiches of this nature? Every time I ride my bike past this poster (it's on one of the bus station walls), I think about these questions—which is probably the entire point of the campaign, getting people to think about the product.
Posted by madchen at 08:41 PMOctober 12, 2004
Home at Last
Today was full of ups and downs. I had my first run in with asthma since arriving in Sweden during my morning routine. Of course, it was my own fault. When I have a cold I'm more succeptible to asthma attacks, and that is further exacerbated when I'm running around. So of course, I overslept this morning, and in the subsequent rush to get out the door, I started wheezing. Ugly. I ended up having to use my inhaler and take a 20 minute "slow, deep breathing" respite before resuming progress. As a result, I had to move even slower, and had to forgo the bike for the bus--and to make a long story short, I didn't make it to class until nearly 11 a.m. I will be more careful in the future. I think the sudden shift to cold weather is also having an impact--I can tell that my lungs have a harder time adjusting when I come in from being out in the cold (like any time I ride my bike). What a pain.
Class was more causal loop diagrams--I'll refrain from rehashing the gory details.
I took the bus home after class and managed a quick nap before setting off for our program's Thanksgiving celebration. I collected a set of dinnerware and a frying pan and hopped on my bike (figuring the asthma had plenty of time to subside since the morning). I stopped off at Frukt Huset, picked up some milk and turkey salami (the closest thing I could find to sausage), and headed down to Minnervavagen, the campus dormitories. There I met up with nearly 40 other students (some from our program, some other international students) where we celebrated a Canadian/American Thanksgiving. Considering that we were cooking a complete Thanksgiving spread for 40 people in a tiny common room, we did amazingly well. There were two turkeys, a chicken, gravy, wild rice, brussel sprouts, stuffing, ligonberry sauce, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, beet salad, glazed carrots, rolls, 10-grain bread, hummus, apple and pear cider, white wine, red wine, a nut loaf, apple pie, pumpkin pie, coconut cream pie, ice cream, cookies, and other things that I can't seem to remember.
My contribution was gravy, made from a combination of chicken drippings, turkey salami (in place of the sausage), flour, and milk. It was the first time I'd tried making it on my own, and it came out surprisingly well--everyone was quite complimentary.
The meal was great, and it was really amazing to see so many people turn up for an event that was announced at the last minute and held on a weeknight (and especially when you consider that class ran until 4 p.m. that day!). Laura (as the chief Canadian representative) gave a brief talk on things she was thankful for. I really appreciated how she framed things in terms of sustainability--when our family does the "things I'm thankful for" routine, we rarely discuss environmental issues like:
* being thankful for the farmers who work 14 hours a day, 363 days a year, to harvest the food we enjoy
* being thankful for the soil fertility that allows good things to be grown (interesting to note that soil fertility is rapidly decreasing in nearly every part of the world!)
* being thankful for time to spend with friends
Anyway, it was lovely and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Now I'm back home and ready to get into bed. We have ANOTHER day of causal loop diagrams
October 11, 2004
Causal Loop Diagrams
I spent all day in class learning (or re-learning, since I was one of the people who actually READ the material ahead of time) causal loop diagrams and reference behavior patterns. Here is a brief explanation:
CAUSAL LOOP DIAGRAMS
Causal loop diagrams (CLDs) are a kind of systems thinking tool. These diagrams consist of arrows connecting variables (things that change over time) in a way that shows how one variable affects another. Here are some examples:
Each arrow in a causal loop diagram is labeled with an "s" or an "o." "S" means that when the first variable changes, the second one changes in the same direction (for example, as your anxiety at work goes up, the number of mistakes you make goes up, too). "O" means that the first variables causes a change in the opposite direction in the second variable (for example, the more relaxation exercises you do, the less stressed you feel).
In CLDs, the arrows come together to form loops, and each loop is labeled with an "R" or a "B." "R" means reinforcing; i.e., the causal relationships within the loop create exponential growth or collapse. (For instance, the more anxious you are at work, the more mistakes you make, and as you make more mistakes, you get even more anxious, and so on, in a vicious, upward spiral). "B" means balancing; i.e., the causal influences in the loop keep things in equilibrium. (For example, if you feel more stressed, you do more relaxation exercises, which brings your stress level down.)
CLDs can contain many different "R" and "B" loops, all connected together with arrows. By drawing these diagrams with your work team or other colleagues, you can get a rich array of perspectives on what's happening in your organization. You can then look for ways to make changes so as to improve things. For example, by understanding the connection between anxiety and mistakes, you could look for ways to reduce anxiety in your organization.
Whatever. I was VERY, VERY bored. So I wrote down a list of things I would like to buy (going along with my whole "less is more" philosophy, you know). It's amazing how a shift in personal motivation (in this case, my desire to become sustainable) has NO impact on my desire to consume. Now I just want to buy "sustainable" things--like compost bins, organic clothing, etc.
So now I'm off to bed, feeling very contented with my paper being written, my dinner being eaten (with leftovers for lunch tomorrow--it's another all day Systems Dynamics lecture and workshop), and my sheets finally being dried (after Saturday's laundry debacle). Ta-ta, my babies!
Posted by madchen at 08:46 PMOctober 10, 2004
Infection
I have caught a cold. I HATE having a cold. I am now seriously reconsidering my previous post on the ideals of non-materialism. For example, I wish that right now I had more of the following consumer goods: Nyquil, a huge (clean) bathtub, kleenex, more kleenex, etc.
Anyway, I spent Saturday doing laundry (oh the painful hours spent hand-wringing out my clothes after the washer consistently decided NOT to go through the spin cycle) and cleaning the apartment. Saturday night, I went downstairs to a party at Birte and Tomomi's apartment. They had cooked traditional German and Japanese food, and Alvaro and others contributed other food. Roya made an apple and plum crumble as our apartment's contribution.
I was in bed by midnight with a sore throat and cough, which sprung into a full-blown cold by the morning. I slept most of the day (making up for the 3 hours of sleep I got on Friday night--a combination of watching movies and getting up for laundry at 7 a.m.) and have just now made dinner, consisting of pesto chicken and pasta. Soon I will go back to bed.
Posted by madchen at 11:05 AMOctober 08, 2004
One More Thought
For more information about living with less stuff, check out the Center For a New American Dream.
Posted by madchen at 06:55 PMMore Fun, Less Stuff
I have been thinking a lot about consumerism, materialism, and general STUFF-ism lately. I guess it makes sense, given that the majority of my waking hours are spent dealing with sustainability issues. But now that
Before coming to Sweden, I got rid of a ton of "stuff". This stuff ranged from furniture and household goods (oh so many household goods!) to clothes, paperwork, and miscellaneous junk. Some stuff went to friends (who are expected to keep it for the year while I'm in Sweden, then return it when I get back), some stayed with my parents (I'm now occupying a huge portion of their attic), and some was given to charity. I never thought of myself as a materialistic person, but I was surprised at how hard it was to let some of it go.
Now, having lived in Sweden for six weeks with two suitcases full of clothes, a box of bed linens, and some new books and plants, I wonder why I thought I needed more? Why are we drawn to "stuff"? Here is my thinking.
- For me, having more stuff was a way to validate that I was successful. When I bought my condo in 2002, I was so proud that I had a full 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms of space--just for myself. I believed that having a huge apartment (which I couldn't even fill at the time) signaled that I was "on my way"--even if I didn't know where I was headed. And of course, over the next two years, I rapidly filled up the remaining space--to the point where 5 closets weren't enough to comfortably hold my clothes. With every new possession, I felt more "adult".
- When I didn't have a coherent plan for the future, buying stuff seemed to show that I was "settled." Even if I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, I knew that I could come home to a beautiful apartment, put on music from a huge variety of CDs, change into comfortable clothes from any of my 5 closets, and sit in any of the 4 rooms. It was a sense of security, particularly when I didn't have an inner vision of greater meaning.
- Family "stuff" made me feel connected. When my parents' moved from their home in Virginia up to their current Bethesda house, my mom got rid of a lot of stuff. I rescued a carload of things--many of them REALLY nice--and brought them back to my house. I had crystal vases, sterling silver platters, obis, tablecloths, holiday garlands, etc. Having things from my family (even if I never used them) made me feel a sense of continuity.
- It's fun to shop for new things. What else can I say? Rather than volunteer my time, I prefer to have lunch with friends and go to the mall. It's a great way to bond with girlfriends, it creates a shared sense of purpose with boyfriends (you can see just how bad their tastes really are), and it fufills some deep-seated need (perpetuated by advertisers) that I NEED the latest gadget.
So now that I understand the reasons why I like my "stuff", I should be able to rationally analyze which of these motives is good (and worth conserving) and which is bad (and needs to be discarded). Looking back over this list, it seems that #3 (family stuff) seems like the most acceptable reason for accumulating things. But is it really? Does having a set of silver platters make me closer to my family?
Sigh. Reading back over this, I feel a growing sense of unease--like I might possibly have to go through another purging when I get back. For some things, I definitely will, including:
- Clothes. I gave nearly half of my clothing away to charity before coming to Sweden. Of the remaining wardrobe, approximately half came to Sweden with me, and the other half was stored in my parents' attic. I wear nearly ALL of these clothes at least once a year (excluding formal business attire, I wear most clothes several times a year). So, in one sense, I have definitely paired down my wardrobe to an acceptable level--there is nothing that I simply don't wear. This, for me, is a big accomplishment. But...it's not enough. I've realized that a LOT of the clothing I brought with me to Sweden hasn't been worn yet. Not that I won't wear it, but it's not in the "regular rotation". So, my new goal is to, once again, halve my wardrobe. Looking around at how other people in the world use their clothing (it's not uncommon for people to wear their clothing two days in a row), I realize that my good work this summer was just a first step. And, when I seriously consider it, I think that weeding down the shoes will be the more difficult task--I do love the shoes.
- Household items. I just don't need the boxes and boxes of kitchen, dining, and living room accessories that are stored in my parents' attic right now (or residing in my friends' homes). It boggles my mind when I think about all the production capacity, natural resources, and money that went into the manufacturing and transportation of these items. No, they definitely have to go. This project might have to wait until Christmas, as it will be more difficult to sort through.
- Furniture. Here is where things get sticky. Most of my stuff has been dispersed among my friends, who have generously offered to keep my stuff for the year. Some of it I will definitely want back (assuming I come back to the US after my time here in Sweden), like my bed, my dresser, my couch, etc. But I will only be looking for a 1-bedroom or studio apartment or condo--not a full-size place like I had before. So, in one sense, I would like to "donate" these items to my friends. On the other hand, they may not want to keep them forever, and I may need to collect them and then have a massive yard sale. This is something that will need to wait until spring. At that point, I'll know where I'm headed after this graduate program is over.
So, that's my plan. I can't express what a sense of freedom it is to purge myself of extraneous items!
On the other hand, I need to be honest with myself and acknowledge that I have bought a number of things here in Sweden--expensive things, like a new bike (when a used one would have sufficed), a rain jacket (when there were cheaper ones available), plants (that keep dying on me and need to be replaced), a new mobile phone (which is only used when my parents' call me), and others. While I am certainly living with less, I'm not as frugal as I'd like to think. But it's a process, and I'm definitely learning that the payoff for purging far outweighs the intial pangs of regret at giving "stuff" away.
I wonder if my friends would be interested in doing a massive garage sale this winter or summer. We could get rid of the things that are holding us back from our magnificent destinies, and agree to donate the proceeds to a worthy cause. Or maybe my family could do that--we certainly have enough stuff for several families worth of people! Now that I realize how "less is more" (a concept my dad tried to drill into my head for years), I want to share it with everyone!
Posted by madchen at 06:50 PMCrazy Weather
In the past hour, we've gone from cloudless sunshine to light sprinkles, to puffy white clouds and sunshine, to downpour, and back to perfect sunshine. Bizarre--and nearly impossible to plan for.
Hmm, I don't have much to report. I spent this morning in class, then had pasta from the guys in the parking lot. (Have I explained this before? A couple guys run a pasta stand--like a hotdog stand--in one of the parking lots on campus. It's delicious, cheap, and a fantastic business model.) Then I participated in a after-class discussion on economics, finance, and sustainability. Not too interesting (I think we were all over the map on basic knowledge of the topics, which made it difficult to communicate coherently.)
After the discussion, I helped a couple of other students bring a couch and chair back from the secondhand store in town. We were able to put the chair in Jo's car, but we had to walk the couch about 1k back to the common room. We spent the next hour rearranging our room--we can't seem to get a good karma in the room. The part near the windows is shaping up to be nice, but the part by the door just sucks out your energy when you walk in. Part of the problem is that we have no money to spend spucing up the place--we're basically reliant on the goodness of peoples' hearts and the secondhand stores.
I decided to skip out on a pub crawl this evening and just come home. I'm still working on that SRI paper, and I want to get it done and out the door for edits. With any luck, I'll finish it tonight or tomorrow--at least for round one. I've also volunteered to give a brief presentation on the ins and outs of SRI for people who are thinking about how to use their investments once the program is over. I'm going to wait and see what The Natural Capital Institute has in their October 15 project, since I hope they will cover a lot of the ground I need to think about.
For now, I'm disgruntled because the kitchen is a MESS and I'm the only one home tonight. So if I want to cook dinner (and I stopped at Willy:s on the way home and got ingredients for pasta), I'm going to have to commit to some serious cleaning. Reluctant to do this, I have instead opened a chocolate bar.
Tomorrow is laundry day--it begins at 7 a.m., so I'm going to call it an early night. I'm hoping to get my laundry done early enough to join the group for a bike ride to the natural foods store in Nattraby. But given that I missed last week's laundry, I have my doubts as to whether things will be dry in time.
And now, may I present:
INTERESTING THINGS TO KNOW
The "mohawk" haircut is known as a "mohigan" in the UK and an "iroquois" in Germany.
I know there is another interesting fact I wanted to share, but I can't think of it right now. So I will simply note that I am WAY behind in my emails, and commit to answering a bunch of them this weekend.
Afterthought: which is worse, being lazy or stupid? Class was maddening today because people kept asking the most ridiculous questions. There are only two possibilities: 1) they didn't read the required text or 2) they DID read the text and are too dense to grasp the basic points.
Normally, I would expect that a graduate student would make it a point to read the text ahead of time. Moreover, if the student did NOT read the text, I would assume that s/he would be bright enough to keep quiet on the basic points of the lecture--so as to hide the obvious lapses in knowledge. Apparently not.
I swear, when I'm running the world, people will read their assignments!
Posted by madchen at 08:26 AMOctober 07, 2004
Finally!
Finally, I have something of a challenge in front of me. I'm currently working on a paper that analyzes socially responsible investing from a systems perpective. It combines my previous world with my current studies--and I hope at some point it will begin to make sense.
I worked on it all afternoon (and evening, and night) and I'm mostly through with my first draft. As such, I have nothing interesting to report (or if I do, I don't have time to write it all down now) tonight. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh, I got my absentee ballot in the mail today, so there will be voting this weekend. Hip, hip hooray!!
Posted by madchen at 02:54 PMOctober 05, 2004
One more reason to be pro-free-trade
Well, I didn't get much of a respite, despite being up early with nothing to do. I was checking email when I got a note from my program coordinator saying I had a postal invoice in his office. So I biked down to campus and picked up the notice, which informed me that I owed a customs tariff on my Amazon.com order. Highly indignant, I went over to the International Office, who called the Postal System and confirmed that I do, indeed, owe the Swedish government money for my textbooks. Grr. Supposedly, I can go to any post office (located in just about every convenience store) and pay the 6% tariff (+ additional tax on the 6% tariff). Grr. Grr.
I hung out at campus for a while, reading a propoganda piece by the State Department on the Foreign Service. It will be good information for my exam in November, but it mainly had the effect of making me want to move to Zimbabwe right now, instead of living here in this gloomy climate.
Finally, I gathered my stuff and biked back home, stopping at the Frukt Huset for some cinnamon. Unable to find any ground cinnamon (and not really wanting to grate it myself), I also stopped in at Willy:s. There I found ground cinnamon, honey, and vanilla sauce. Coming home, I sliced up a bunch of apples, mixed them with honey and cinnamon, and baked them. Yum.
While the apples were baking, I discovered that I had ANOTHER notice from the post office (this time delivered directly to my door). This time it was to notify me that my most recent Amazon.com order had arrived (DVDs this time) and that I owed ADDITIONAL money for the delivery. It turns out that my disgruntled-ness over the 6% tariff on books was nothing--Sweden's tariff on DVDs is 25%. Plus, of course, the ubiquitous tax on the tariff fee.
Extremetly irritated (why didn't Amazon disclose the possibility of an additional customs charge?), I biked down to Marieberg Livs, my local post office, and retrieved my package. I paid nearly $85 in additional fees for the DVD order, but was told that I had to go to Amiralen to pay the other invoice. So I put that paper back in my bag and went back home, swallowing a bug on the way.
So now I'm back home, pleased to have an extremely expensive set of DVDs in my possession (ooh, the 3rd season of Alias is beckoning me even now...) and with a tummy full of baked apple goodness. I've managed to read Chapter 8 of my coursebook, but still have Chapter 9 to go. Once I finish my school work, I will either continue listening to my newest audiobook (The Full Cupboard of Life--A #1 Ladies Detective Agency Book**) or watch one of my new DVDs. Oh the possibilities! And hopefully tomorrow it will stop raining, so I can enjoy the remaining daylight.
**Sidenote: I always thought "cupboard" was pronounced "cup-board" although I knew instinctively that "cubbard" was wrong. Hmph. Guess you learn something new every day.
Posted by madchen at 03:52 PMSilly Me
I got up bright and early, hopped in the shower, dried my hair, got dressed, packed my messenger bag, put on my coat, and got my bike to the door when Roya asked if I knew there was no class today. Bah! So I put my bike back in my room, took off my coat, unpacked my messenger bag, switched into more comfortable clothes, and made some tea.
Now it's 8:15 a.m. and I have nothing to do. I briefly considered going downtown to roam around (and perhaps have a latte), but the gloomy weather outside dissuaded me.
Guess I'll read some of my coursebook. Sigh.
Posted by madchen at 08:13 AMOctober 03, 2004
Weekend at Ystad
I'm back from a great weekend in southern Sweden. Kristoffer generously offered us the use of his family's "Drum Hus" (dream house) for the weekend. So ten of us packed up our bags and headed out of town for the weekend. We rented two station wagons (I highly recommend the Ford Focus station wagon for all your road trip needs) and left Friday morning.
While the drive only takes about two and a half hours, we spent the majority of the day meandering around Sweden. First we stopped at a National Park, where we hiked around a bit, looked at the remains of a 500 A.D. fortress (really just a pile of stones), and wandered through the adjacent museum. Then we stopped in Simrisham, a little town right on the water ("ham" means harbor) for lunch and a grocery run. Here is a picture of me at the liquor store, admiring the "wine in a milk carton" approach:
Next, we drove further down the coast, and stopped to see the sunset over the Baltic Sea. It was beautiful, and it was amazing to see the ocean directly next to thick forests. Again, here's a picture (although you can't see the water very well):
And then it was off to the Drum Hus. We made a dinner of pasta and stayed up talking well into the night. The next morning, everyone took off for a trip to the "Swedish Stonehenge" and the fish market--but Jo and I stayed at the house and relaxed. Everyone came back to the house for lunch, then everyone left for a trip into the town of Ystad. All except me. I took the afternoon to walk around the surrounding areas, where I took the next couple pictures:
That evening, we had a fabulous dinner of smoked fish, potatoes, salad, and apple tart. We continued chatting about the big issues of life--sustainability, how to choose where you can best make a difference, trying to get a job, etc. We also played Cranium--the UK edition, which was significantly harder than I anticipated. We ended up tossing a lot of the cards, but the ones that we played with were really funny. One of the assignments was to make a "joystick" out of clay--but it mainly looked like some phallus with erectile disfunction. Other amusing tasks included a "Cameo" of Long John Silver. In this case, Amity was under the mistaken impression that Long John Silver was a cowboy, so she was incredibly frustrated when her team didn't respond "correctly" when she started singing "ta-da-da, ta-da-da, ta-da-da-da-da" and yelling, "hi, ho, Silver, away!". We on the other team, of course, thought it was hilarious.
This morning, we spent a leisurely morning reading and finishing up with a "Swedish omelet", which basically means you throw all the leftovers in the pot with some eggs. I was reluctant, but it was surprisingly good. Then we did a little cleaning, took a group picture (with someone else's camera, so I don't have a copy) and drove back home.
On the way, we stopped in at an antique and "kuriosa" shop:
I got a really cool candle, but refrained from making any larger purchases--reminding myself that I will be moving all of my belongings into a new place in the next couple weeks.
We made it home around 5 p.m. tonight, where I proceded to unpack, cook dinner (and make soup for tomorrow), watch a streaming broadcast of the presidential debate, catch up on email, and upload my pictures. Now it's almost midnight and I need to get myself into bed. Otherwise I'll be VERY sorry when class rolls around in the morning.
If you'd like to see the full complement of pictures, check out this site: http://www.ofoto.com/I.jsp?c=oogj5s7.aqaagx67&x=0&y=-huzr1z
Posted by madchen at 11:21 PM
